Castaway!
Once, many years ago, British musician Sting was a castaway on an island, lost at sea. He was lonely, nobody there but him, and felt he was suffering more loneliness than any man could bear. Well, he sent an SOS to the world and hoped somebody, anybody, would get his message in a bottle.
Miraculously, a British actress named Trudie Styler not only got Sting’s note but responded and eased his solitude through a mix of thoughtful conversation and tantric love.
A very happy ending not dissimilar to the story of a New Zealand surfer out enjoying some tasty waves on an extremely remote beach west of Aukland. As things go, he got smashed into the rocks, lost his board and washed up on the sand. He was unable to walk but had the wherewithal to scrawl a giant HELP in that sand before collapsing.
Two hikers just so happened to be in the area, saw his missive and notified the authorities.
John-Michael Swannix, a search and rescue supervisor with the Surf Life Saving Northern Region, told the local news, “The message in the sand is not visible from the walking tracks at the northern end of Mercer Bay, so it was very lucky the informant and her friend were at the southern end and able to see it.”
The surfer was transported to a local hospital, alive and on the way to a full recovery.
An extremely happy ending though I worry if I had washed up I would have accidentally scrawled a giant VAL GO HOME in the sand before collapsing and would be there this very minute suffering Pre-Trudie Sting levels of loneliness with every breath I took.
So lonely.
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When I was at SDSU I scrolled “HELP” in stepped-on Mexi coke on a coffee table in PB one night. Nobody came to help me and I just ended up at PB Bar & Grill to re-up at midnight.
The writers poetic narrative is nearly as annoying as the obviously fake story
Let’s not be unnecessarily rude here.
Call him the Kiwi King of Pain
Don’t surf so close to me
I used to think Sting was singing about the fields of Bali
Sand art is popular out west these days. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Why can’t they just draw cocks like normal humans?
I was so disappointed to open the picture and not find a cock draw in the sand. Thankfully your comment came as the perfect remedy.
Didn’t get a picture of that, sorry.
Well that was exactly what was drawn on the beach last week.
I was going to leave it to someone else to point out but that’s quite the sly way to out a surf spot Chuckie. Just quote someone associated with the rescue and, voila, you out the spot but leave yourself an out if you get called out. Very calculated, very cunning, very cunty.
Always take a communication device to the beach.
Isn’t the Jebus WalkieTalkie enough?
Maybe. Depends where you live.
Line’s clogged in Brazil by pros asking to win heats, takes hours to get thru to the big man.
Allah? He could only say no, no harm trying.
Help
Out of Beers!
I’m disappointed
He didn’t use Comic Sans
To lighten the mood
Wing Dings.
I’m surprised no one was shooting at him from the nearby hills.
Its not that remote a spot and nowhere near as good
Don’t spoil things with “Facts”.
That guy sure did write a really straight and large word for someone who can’t walk.
While not a huge fan of Sting and his Police state, I was able to enjoy this walk down memory lane of his lifetime’s hits and missus.
man – for someone who was seemingly near death, he sure could scrawl out a well proportioned message.
Looks fake.
Two Great Whites would wiggle up onto the beach, along with a nurse shark. They would nurse you back to health and declare that you are now their Great White King. No, their Great White Jester. No, wait. Their Great White Jester who would one day become their Great White King. Needless to say, the Great White community is beyond ecstatic about this new prospect. For it is the man who has brought the Great White community so much fame, mostly for an admiration of their hijinks and whimsical antics. What?! Are Great Whites not hijinky and whimsical?
Months go by and the King refuses to depart with his Jester attire. Chas rides atop two majestic Great Whites, and what does he do? He fucking clowns around! But, the Jester is no longer lonely.
Then one day, the Jester asks the Great White beneath his right foot, “Is this love I feel like the love Sting felt for Trudie Styler?” Perplexed, the Great White on the right looks to the one beneath the Jester’s left foot. “Who the fuck is Sting and Trudie Styler?!” the Great White asks. The Great White on the left replies “Fuck if I know.” Then the Jester seeks to clarify the confusion laid before his feet. “What I mean is, is this tantric love I’m feeling?”
The Great White on the right looks up over his left shoulder and locks eyes with the Jester. “Fucking weirdo!” he exclaims. The two valiant Great White Sharks proceed to take the Jester back to the beach from whence he came. “You’ll never grow out of that Jester outfit will you? Sheesh Chas, and here we thought you were King material. Well, you ain’t! Lodge that up your Grit!”.
An the two Great White Sharks swim off into the sunset.
The End
“The Jester Who Could Have Been King”
*Auckland
Just saying
It shall remain as is. Yet another Pillar of Incompetence.
Setting bars left and right Chas. Bravo!!
It’s gotta be at least 500m from a house
Knuckle draggers have never been the sharpest tools in the shed …
Help here. Would old mates name be pronounced “swunnex” or “swinnux”?
Yep – an extremely remote beach had me almost laughing………
while we’re at it – shouldn’t “help” have a question mark?
Sloppy sand work indeed.
It’s an imperative. Not a question, despite the antipodean High Rising Terminal.
If it were a Canadian incident however, I would disappointed if it didn’t read: “HELP EH SORRY”
A valuable grammar lesson, though the main lesson here is that I’m an ass.
Not as much as I am, sir.
pertnear
At least a “please”
If he was core he would have written ‘fuck off’
…ay caaarnts!
More to this than meets the eye. Think it might be a QAnon message. Now that i’ve thought about it for a second…i know it is a QAnon message. Rally the troops, grab your shovels. There are paedos hiding in the sand. They are canny but they won’t escape us this time.
“Fuck the WSL.” Better?
Bong on!
If you don’t surf, don’t start.