Castaway!

Once, many years ago, British musician Sting was a castaway on an island, lost at sea. He was lonely, nobody there but him, and felt he was suffering more loneliness than any man could bear. Well, he sent an SOS to the world and hoped somebody, anybody, would get his message in a bottle.

Miraculously, a British actress named Trudie Styler not only got Sting’s note but responded and eased his solitude through a mix of thoughtful conversation and tantric love.

A very happy ending not dissimilar to the story of a New Zealand surfer out enjoying some tasty waves on an extremely remote beach west of Aukland. As things go, he got smashed into the rocks, lost his board and washed up on the sand. He was unable to walk but had the wherewithal to scrawl a giant HELP in that sand before collapsing.

Two hikers just so happened to be in the area, saw his missive and notified the authorities.

John-Michael Swannix, a search and rescue supervisor with the Surf Life Saving Northern Region, told the local news, “The message in the sand is not visible from the walking tracks at the northern end of Mercer Bay, so it was very lucky the informant and her friend were at the southern end and able to see it.”

The surfer was transported to a local hospital, alive and on the way to a full recovery.

An extremely happy ending though I worry if I had washed up I would have accidentally scrawled a giant VAL GO HOME in the sand before collapsing and would be there this very minute suffering Pre-Trudie Sting levels of loneliness with every breath I took.

So lonely.

Functional mushrooms.

(As first seen on your LodgeGrit)

If you are aware of anything, or one, in the surf world it is either onetime Baywatch star and Gisele Bündchen’s ex Kelly Slater or big wave legend and ice bath activist Laird Hamilton.

Well, the later just crashed the mountain party, inking a three-year deal with U.S. Ski & Snowboard to be “the official and globally exclusive functional coffee and coffee creamer” sponsor but let us go directly to the press release for more:

Laird Superfood (NYSE American: LSF), creator of assorted superfood products, today announced a new three-year partnership with U.S. Ski & Snowboard to be their official and globally exclusive functional coffee and coffee creamer sponsor. The partnership will help nourish the U.S. Ski & Snowboard athletes on their road to gold with functional, plant-based ingredients. Laird Superfood products help elevate and support the athletes’ daily ritual with fueling ingredients. Each product is carefully selected to create the best possible experience by giving each routine a serious upgrade. Laird Superfood is defining the next wave of coffee by increasing the benefits of America’s most popular beverage with their new functional blends that are revolutionizing the way people consume their favorite drink.

“We are proud to support the U.S. Ski & Snowboard community and feel that this partnership aligns with our mission of providing real, plant-based products to support people looking to perform their best, whether on the slopes, in the office, or at home,” said Paul Hodge, CEO of Laird Superfood. “We are excited to help fuel the daily ritual of such dynamic, high performing athletes competing as members of the U.S. Ski & Snowboard teams.”

As the exclusive coffee creamer, hot chocolate, functional mushroom, and ground, whole bean, and functional coffee sponsor, Laird Superfood… etc.

Quickly, did you ever believe you’d live to see the day when the “official and globally exclusive functional coffee and coffee creamer” category would exist?

I didn’t and whoever claims these are troubled days filled with rancor and unrest should French press a nice mug of black coffee, stir in some functional creamer and re-evaluate.

Or maybe eat a functional mushroom

Exciting.

"Thank you for saving my life!"

Yesterday morning found me in a local orthodontist’s office with my young daughter. She was being fitted for a spacer and it is truly a medical marvel how cosmetic dentists have gotten the hooks in earlier and earlier. I had braces for a year and a half at fifteen or some such. The modern child about town is nothing if they have not had various mouth appliances from 7 – 20.

She was, anyhow, excited and I was watching the Surfline feed of Backdoor being streamed on the overhead televisions. Her orthodontist, apparently, surfy. It seemed a very fine day, sun shining, many long barrels expertly threaded but I marveled at the insane crowd and wondered how so many more people don’t get radically injured while Pipelining.

Well, as it happens Pipeline standout Mikey “Redd” O’Shaughnessy had punched his head into the reef just hours earlier and was miraculously saved by the quick action of his friends and a helmet.

Billy Kemper, who was in the water, told Hawaii News Now, “When I seen him fall, I knew he was in a really critical position. I was talking to Koa Rothman and was like c’mon Mikey, pop up, pop up and after two waves of him not surfacing, I said Koa let’s go and I just started paddling as fast as I could towards him.”

Honolulu Ocean Safety lifeguard Kyle Foyle was out surfing as well and made it to O’Shaughnessy, hoisted him up and pumped his chest until he started breathing on his own. He told the outlet, “Luckily, he was wearing a helmet. If he hadn’t been wearing a helmet, I’m pretty sure it would have been another incident we’ve had in the past where we’re picking up pieces.”

Kemper concurred, “I have the helmet here and his board and by the looks of that helmet, both sides of his temple, the helmet is blown open and cracked. So if that happens to a helmet, do the math and you can understand what would have happened to his head on the reef.”

O’Shaughnessy was transported to a Honolulu hospital where he took to Instagram thanking those who saved his life.

All in all a wonderfully happy ending but does it give you pause about your own head? What if you were out surfing crowded Pipeline or some tricky slab? The vast majority of surfers obviously don’t, due pride I imagine, but maybe we should all listen to the great Marsellus Wallace who told Butch Coolidge, “That’s pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps.”

Wise words.