"My head is so foggy."

Momentum Generation star, Hawaiian surfer, Kalani Robb revealed late last week that he had contracted the Coronavirus and was going to fight it off, in part, by using the popular horse dewormer ivermectin. His inspiration? Famous podcaster Joe Rogan who, himself, used ivermectin as part of a broader cocktail, writing that by day three he felt “pretty fucking good.”

Robb, ever brave, decided to meticulously document his journey. Days one and two featured a discussion of the aforementioned ivermectin, friends dropping healthy foods off at his house, him not being able taste them, headaches, body aches fevers etc. but then, yesterday, worry set in as the diary went dark for five, then ten, then twenty hours.

Fans searching everywhere for updates.

Anywhere.

Finally, in the waning moments of day three, Robb came back and in a to-camera piece described his state.

Day…. (long pause). Day three. My head is so foggy. Been on the couch all day the headache the fever and the bodyaches. Day three bodyaches gone. Fever breaking 100 and going under 99. But my headache is gnarly. Sat on the couch all day watching movies. I wish I was like Ferris Bueller faking this right now. Day three.

Relief washing over like a gentle wave off Streedagh Strand.

I became curious about this ivermectin so went searching for some actual data (read here) then talked to one health expert who informed me, “The data does show some promise that ivermectin works when taken prophylactically. The program that Rogan was on, though, with the monoclonal antibodies specifically… that is very expensive unless you have an underlying comorbidity. Look, don’t get vaccinated and treat yourself all day long. Just don’t go to the fucking hospital if it doesn’t work.”

The expert neither is, nor was, a professional surfer so take with a large grain of salt.

More as the story develops.

"Day two..."

It appears as if Filipe Toledo’s “huge scuffle” at Lower Trestles has finally subsided without much injury. Whew. Dangerous days, still, and strange ones too what with Mick Fanning performing environmental theater, Chinese multinationals selling very cheap surfboards and Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s “Happy Hawaiian Waiter,” Momentum Generation star Kalani Robb contracting the Coronavirus and attempting to cure with the popular horse dewormer ivermectin.

Whew is right.

Robb, who is meticulously documenting his journey on Instagram (follow here), was self-professedly inspired by “Oprah for men” Joe Rogan who also recently contracted Covid-19 and told his loyal following, “We immediately threw the kitchen sink at it. All kinds of meds. Monoclonal antibodies, ivermectin, Z-pak, prednisone, everything. And I also got an anti-D drip and a vitamin drip.”

Studies are inconclusive if ivermectin is, in fact, effective though the Food and Drug Administration very much warns against its use.

Fauci-related?

Some darkly conflicted business?

Rogan went on to say that he cured himself in three days, telling his fans, “I feel pretty fucking good.”

Robb is currently on day two.

How will this worm turn?

More as the story develops.

Performative environmentalism.

Mick Fanning’s rise from provincial drunk to multiple time champion to businessman to world’s most lovable surfer has been as wonderful as it has been inspiring. Who could have ever dreamed that a boy once named Eugene would soar to such heights, captivating hearts along the way? Beer baron, hybrid yoga impresario, podcast host, adoring fans growing and growing and growing all whilst swooning over that smile once rudely described as “blandly chipped-tooth’d” (buy here in exciting new audio format read by the author). Higher and higher and higher.

Inspiring.

And yet, if there is one important story from western civilization it is that of Icarus. The lad who tried to escape his lowly station with wings made of wax. So fond was he of soaring, though, that he flew too near the sun and met an ugly fate, drowning in the sea.

So too has Fanning just been burned by that overheating sun and is now drowning in negative Instagram comments.

The Rip Curl star took to Instagram, last week, and posted a vacuous message about Australian athletes doing their part to stop climate change.

Performative environmentalism.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CTKR0u8H-p7/

This sort of business once received only clapping hands emojis and heart-eye’d emojis but the general public has grown weary of pure performance and Mick Fanning’s own fans viciously rounded on him.

Albie Ussher hit directly at Fanning’s bottom line, asking, “Well ironically the athletes would have to stop getting sponsored from all the polluting companies yes?”

Carl Gaudin offered, “As soon as you stop flying in planes and consuming imported products I can take you seriously on this. Or maybe I’d actually believe you cared about humanity if you spoke out about your oppressive government – that is the real threat – tyranny from government.”

Tim Bourke danced with the hypocrisy, “Stop getting 100 boards a year is a good start.”

And James Bellhouse applauded, “It’s great news that you’re shutting down production of your toxic MF softboards, they’re horrible for the environment.”

On and on it went with only brave Taylor Knox standing in the gap, offering “raise the roof” emojis.

Do you think Fanning is deeply considering the frustration or is he turning to the “world’s most environmentally damaging person” Kelly Slater for advice on how to navigate these uncertain times?

More as the story develops.