"It looks like a poop chute."
But what was once a pristine emerald hillock, framed perfectly between open French doors or majestically taking the place of a sliding glass wall, is now a gouged and gashed abomination. A “poop chute” in no way appropriate, scenically, for champagne brunches on the terrace or brandy and cigar aperitifs.
Kirra Hill in Coolangatta and very near many fine surf breaks, surrounded by multi-million dollar luxury condominiums, first became lightly marked over a week ago when champion surfer Joel Parkinson partook in some fun sliding in the aftermath of torrential rains that flooded much of the Gold Coast.
Parkinson, and children, spread much joy as their escapades were featured on the local news but also inspired darker forces. In the following days, semi-adult TikTokers took to the same mound and slid and slid and slid until the 2008 Pipeline Master showed up and told them to knock it off.
The resulting “bust up,” captured by the prepubescent 25-year-olds and posted to social media, divided the whole of Australia, brother fighting brother, sister fighting sister, over who was in the right and who was in the wrong.
Worse still, the apparent fun associated with hill sliding has led to a mass pilgrimage with thousands a day slipping the earth into an ugly eye sore.
“It looks like the stains in a poor man’s underpants,” one neighbor complained.
Privately, the well-heeled who own expensive flats with bluff views, have all sided with Parkinson. The axiom “do as I say, not as I do” is well understood in those circles, the idea of “hypocrisy” as outdated as flying commercial, though they do wish his bubbling rage would have been more respected by the man children.
“He should have made a real lesson out of them,” another neighbor mumbled.
Will Kirra Hill ever recover?
Will it become a den of middle-to-lower-middle-class mud sliders bussing in to squeal like little piggies thereby sending property values on a downward spiral?
More as the story develops.