"The physical beating was not as painful as the humiliation."
Briefly, the over-fifties surf community, that dreadful little group of libidinal bile-filled males, was in shock a couple of days back following the defeat of their icon Kelly Slater in the second round of the invitation-only Four Seasons Maldives Surfing Champions Trophy.
The contest, which runs over three days, has a single fin, twin fin and three-fin division. Twenty-five gees to the winner.
Slater had made short work of the Momentum Gen, including one-time arch-rival Rob Machado, in the single fin div before stumbling to a shock third-place finish in the two-screw heats.
Yesterday afternoon, however, Slater cauterised that wound by winning the thruster div before showing the grit and granite he’s famous for and beating Shane Dorian in the grand final.
“The Final was really fun,” said Slater. “Shane has been the really in-sync guy with the waves throughout this event, but in the Final I kind of took that from him. I think he caught one of the best waves of the heat (8.7) but the wave came too late, and there were only a few minutes left when he got back out to the lineup. We’re even now though, it worked out perfectly.”
Thruster Division Results:
Kelly Slater (USA) – 1st
Rob Machado (USA) – 2nd
Shane Dorian (USA) – 3rd
Hussain “Iboo” Areef (MDV) – 3rd
Ross Williams (USA) – 5th
Taylor Knox (USA) – 5th


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Meanwhile the line-ups at the nearby atolls all emptied out as all the touring surfers rushed off in their hired speed boats to get a glimpse of the King and his entourage. Those who stayed behind to take advantage, would like to thank all those responsible for inviting the Yankee Old guard to the play ground.
No way Kelly is buying the drinks tonight with only 25k.
Four Seasons will require his AX card on file to cover the overage charges
My absolute worst writer of all time. Would not even attempt to read it if it wasn’t about the goat.
Now what
Mounts Comeback sounds like a person who definitely has his own range in supercreamers.
Humiliation?
Is that what Pro surfing does to some people? Humiliates them?
Or feeds their ‘egos’?
Who needs it?
That garbage is so far from what surfing is really about.
Leave it for the losers…
A lesson in ‘Egonomics with Sam Waters…aka Free Rider. Tickets on sale now!
No.
Nega is so rad, if he had competed instead of breing a protective local at precious you know where, kelly would only have 4 titles and Andy would have none.
You been drinking and posting again?
I am exhausted…2 month lay-off…
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They all look so old and slow and the surfing forced. As a Man in the same age bracket, it makes me wonder just how terrible I surf.
But Negs, if you’re having fun, does it really matter?
“The best surfer____”—well, you know…….
I don’t always have fun when surfing. Sometimes it’s like taking a shit, just needs to happen.
But just like taking a dump–you always feel better after doing it…
Not always. I’m a man of many types of shits.
I have same thoughts. FFS, I have something in common with u…
I can still fade deep into barrels, but I never go to air unless its a flyaway.
We also have over opinionated and grumpy in common. But yeah can get a lot still out of surfing with a good bottom turn and some barrell chops.
Any news when the glo-stix division is on, and if it’ll be streamed live on YouTube ?
right after they plant a shrub, but before the Chris Ward call-in interview, directly during a critical ride
“So glad you could make it, Kelly!” says Rob as he walks away with another second place trophy.
“Kelly, will trade you my hair for 3 of your world titles.”