Anti-depressive!

Well, it is 2023 now and how did you ring in the new year? With a wild party filled with champagne lit strangers? A quiet affair at home in front of the fire? I enjoyed a prix fixe dinner in Hollywood, right next to either Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen, followed by a nice chat with wonderful friends upstairs while fireworks popped over the rain soaked horizon.

It was wonderful though I was not hailed as a hero during any point of the evening unlike the surfer Paul Myles.

The Australian was surfing off Victoria’s Great Ocean Road when he saw a shark flipping and flapping on the beach. Now, most of us would have either let it be or quietly cheered its demise but not Paul who marched straight up to the beast in order to see if he could help.

“I just thought I’d give it a chance,” he told the Daily Mail. “I wasn’t sure if it was just disorientated or sick or whatever.”

After initially trying to poke it back into the surf with his board, he realized that he was going to have to pick it up, saying, “I thought I’d get it out in the water a bit further out, see if it would swim out to sea but it didn’t seem too well.”

Didn’t seem too well is right, violently spazzing on the sand.

Being a hero, though, Paul picked the shark right up, spazz and all, and waded it out to deeper water where it flicked back out to its home.

The captured video has since gone viral with animal lovers and people with hearts praising hero Paul for his actions. Some are imagining that karma will reward him but isn’t there some story about a crocodile, or alligator, ferrying some animal across a river, eating it midway and declaring “it’s in my nature to do these sorts of things” or some such?

No good deed etc.

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

But right when you thought that Lupita Nyong’o and Selema Masekela had lost their spot as surfing-adjacent’s hottest couple to Strider Wasilewski’s brother Mescal and Full House darling Jody Sweetin, the movie superstar and her freshly-minted surf broadcaster beau go ahead and crank the burner to wow.

The Hollywood Reporter has revealed that the two just purchased a sprawling $4 million Los Angeles home together.

Per the story:

Hidden securely away behind a steel-gated driveway, on over two-acres of heavily wooded land resting at the end of a secluded one-way street, the contemporary steel, glass and cement structure is described as “self-sustainable” in the listing, complete with its own solar, backup power, home automation and filtration systems. There are four bedrooms and five baths in the three-level living space — all of it boasting floor-to-ceiling walls of glass offering up sweeping ocean, hillside and canyon views.

Particularly standing out is a living room sporting a fireplace and sliding glass doors spilling out to a spacious balcony, as well as a wet bar-equipped dining area. A fireside lounge connects to a gourmet kitchen, which is outfitted with bamboo cabinetry, quartz countertops, an eat-in island, and a plethora of top-tier Viking, Wolf and Sub-Zero appliances.

Congratulations to the happy couple but a few quick worries.

$4 million dollars for a Los Angeles home, especially one sitting on 2.5 acres of land with ocean views, is… hard to comprehend. Like, truly a near impossibility especially when considering top-tier kitchen appliances.

Further research suggests the home is somewhere off Topanga Canyon but sitting at the end of a one way street?

The happy couple could only have purchased the heavily distressed Hotel California.

A place where you can check in anytime but you can never leave.

Light a candle for their safety?

Invest in your future.

Christmas is over, the fattened goose consumed entirely, her bones boiled into a healthy broth that will be forgotten in the back of the refrigerator. But did you get what you wanted from your loved one or ones? A high-end leather wallet? Maybe a cardigan from Anna Sui? Well, if not don’t you worry as you are an adult who can purchase your own goods.

Some Rivvia trunks, deeply discounted?

A surfboard from luxury house Saint Laurent that, while not deeply discounted, comes in the shade of chrome.

Shaped in collaboration with UWL, a very chic French shop, the board comes in the shade of chrome, as mentioned, and retails for $25,000.

No dimensions given.

While you may guffaw at the price, imagine how boss you’d feel paddling out at your local on it and perching in the lineup.

I’d have to think it would be such a power move that many more good things would come your way. A promotion at work all the way to the tippy-top. Love interests emerging from all corners. Recognition as a man, or woman, of power and taste.

Invest in your future.