"It's really a shame Jonah Hill didn't make 21 Jump Street in 1939."

The very famous actor Jonah Hill is not the icon we surfers deserve, nay. He is far above us both in renown and talent, communing with gods and goddesses, Leonardo DiCaprio, creating art and being lauded for that art. Yes, we are lucky to have him but even in our grand appreciation who amongst us would have thought Hill capable of curing baked-in prejudices and rage?

But it is true.

Hours ago the artist formerly known as Kanye West, a man who got into MAJOR trouble earlier in the year for denouncing “Jewish people,” had a miraculous change of heart.

West did not just denounce Jewish people once. He denounced them here, he denounced them there. Kanye West denounced them everywhere.

And got in big trouble.

Active clothing, shoe juggernaut Adidas was forced to drop him, along with the rest of his partners, which West blamed on Jewish people, and that was that.

Die cast.

Until hours ago, for it was then that West watched Jonah Hill in 21 Jump Street and his heart and his hardness melted straight away.

Per Instagram:

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Watching Jonah Hill in 21 Jump street made me like Jewish people again

No one should take anger against one or two individuals and transform that into hatred towards millions of innocent people

No Christian can be labeled antisemite knowing Jesus is Jew

Thank you Jonah Hill I love you.

I’d have to think the United States government is, right now, coming up with plans to send Hill and a box of DVDs to Tehran.

World peace in our time.

Seismic changes.

Presidents and vice-presidents of sport governing bodies around the world are putting down pens, asking secretaries to hold calls, cancelling all but the most important meetings in order to stop and watch the historically unprecedented run of giddy self promotion coming out of the World Surf League’s Santa Monica offices.

Not since 1985’s WrestleMania has a sport executive been this out front, this “look at me.”

The Word Surf League’s spree is twice as impressive seeing that not one, but two c-suite employees are furiously patting their own backs at record pace.

Chief of Executives Erik Logan took time out of his schedule, days ago, to celebrate his feature in The Sydney Morning Herald titled “Something the sport has never seen’: The former Oprah exec bringing soap opera to surfing.”

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A post shared by Erik Logan (@elo_eriklogan)

“Now 52,” it begins, “(Logan) has led a series of seismic changes to the World Surf League’s (WSL) professional tours as it recovers from the pandemic – ruffling feathers and raising record revenue all with narrative in mind. ‘The growth and the explosion of the sport, with the firepower we have with our surfers, is something that the sport has never seen.'”

Not to be outdone, Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer found time to furiously celebrate herself for being honored at yet another conference.

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“Miley-Dyer has received worldwide recognition for her work to progress surfing and women’s sport. Most recently, she was honored as an SBJ Game Changer for her groundbreaking work at the WSL,” she said.

As the personal aggrandizement reaches crescendo, bosses at the NFL, MLB, UEFA, La Liga, et. al. wonder if they too should hire publicists and be everything, everywhere all at once for the good of themselves as Logan and Miley-Dyer’s Instagram followers swell.

Exciting times.

"OMG he's yucky yucks!"

Days ago, surf fans everywhere snuffed out lit candles and wept bitter tears into lightly cupped hands. The dream was dead and all hope with it. Gisele Bündchen, you see, had been linked with billionaire Jeffrey Soffer and where could Kelly Slater fit in there? Which nook, cranny could he find his way back to glory?

The Brazilian supermodel, as you well know, became divorced from longtime husband, and football great, Tom Brady earlier in the year. Surf fans, while sad on the surface, secretly cheered a potential reunion with the world’s greatest surfer even though he is currently linked to a girlfriend he describes as “Chinese” for many years.

Many twists and turns followed, which you must read here, but all seemed to lead to the grave with the announcement that Bündchen had fallen for a billionaire who boasted daddy’s money plus a string of supermodel exes.

Done-skies.

But then, as if a miracle, the Victoria’s Secret angel denied any coupling and declared even the thought of it gross.

Per People Magazine:

Following reports that the model, 42, is dating billionaire Jeffrey Soffer — who also happens to be friends with Bündchen’s ex-husband Tom Brady — she denied it all in her new cover story with Vanity Fair.

“I have zero relationship with him in any way,” Bündchen told the magazine. “He’s Tom’s friend, not my friend.”

Bündchen called the rumors “absurd” and added that she hasn’t even seen Soffer in months and wouldn’t date someone who was friends with her ex. She further clarified that it was insulting for people to imply she was dating the 55-year-old billionaire for his wealth.

“I wouldn’t be with [Brady’s] friend,” Bündchen said of Soffer. “I wouldn’t be with this guy. I mean, puh-leeze. They were saying I’m with this guy, he’s old, because he’s got money—it’s ridiculous.”

One sentiment.

Gentleman, light your candles.

Kleenex time.

The news just keeps getting better for surf fans. Days after the World Surf League announced that Owen Wright, ruthlessly axed from the Championship Tour just last year, would make a grand and glorious return as a wildcard at Bells Beach in order to announce his retirement.

“After my traumatic brain injury in 2015, my desire to prove to myself and the world that I could still be great and overcome this life-threatening incident inspired my recovery,” the blonde thirty-three-year-old said in a WSL statement. “Given my recent history with head injuries and concussions, competing at some of the heaviest waves on the planet is no longer in the best interest of my long-term health.I excelled in these conditions over my career, but the risks associated with this type of surfing are too significant for someone in my position, given my medical history.”

Not a dry eye in the house and certain to be much weeping and sobbing up and down those iconic Bells’ stairs.

As if not wonderful enough, though, it has just been announced that Wright is set to release a memoir titled Against the Water described as “the gut-wrenching, heroic story of how one of Australia’s finest surfers overcame brain injury and despair to win an Olympic medal.”

Per the press release:

Against the Water carries the reader back to Wright’s boyhood in the tiny New South Wales South Coast town of Culburra, where his father, Rob, determined to raise champions, turned family life into a kind of boot camp. While eccentric, the father’s methods bore fruit: the Wrights of Culburra would become Australian surfing royalty. Wright’s story lays bare the complex relationship with his father – the adoration, the fight for independence, the fallings out, the reconciliations, the poignant denouement. It also captures Wright’s life-altering love for Kita Alexander, the beautiful songstress who abandoned a blooming career to help nurse a broken man she’d known for a few short months back to health.

Told in a spare, intimate style, Against the Water is the moving account of an athlete who refused to accept that his best days were behind him. Owen stopped at nothing not only to rebuild his identity but to construct a better one – he’s now a husband, father, dutiful son and an Olympic medallist in a sport whose spirit courses through his veins. Against the Water also raises fundamental questions around family and competition. What, ultimately, is our duty to our children? At what point does bravery become folly? How much should we sacrifice for the sake of another? Once read, Wright’s story will not be forgotten.

What do you think re. the question about duty to children? Also, the one about bravery and folly?

It does not appear that Wright used a ghostwriter making the spare, intimate style all the more impressive.

Sleepless nights until the drop.

Buy here.