What will Santa Monica dream up next?
The Surf Ranch Pro swings its gates wide in less than ten days and are you excited? Setting time aside to watch the world’s best attack the mechanical right, and left, with well-timed snaps before crouching in a mini-barrel and exiting to light cheers from otherwise confused industrial farmers?
Clearing the schedule of all but the most pressing concerns?
In truth, the event, which happens to be number six on the Championship Tour, is not a favorite. The fans don’t like it as evidenced by drastic cuts in ticket prices year over year. The surfers hate it as revealed by surfers saying they hate it. And Bailey Ladders, the World Surf League’s greatest and most faithful partner, has opted not to participate.
And yet, the aforementioned World Surf League pushes on, re-introducing it as a stop over many loud complaints, attempting to juice the affair with a patented combination of PositiveSpeak™ and last minute format changes.
This year, surfers who find themselves second or third in their four man heat will be forced to compete “under the lights” for a chance to move on but don’t take my word for it. Let’s all turn our attention to Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer.
And I suppose that I was wrong in suggesting that nobody likes events at the tub. Retired Australian stand-out Owen Wright commented “siick.
Commentator Joe Turpel deposited a light brown shaka emoji.
Strap on and get ready.
I mean in.
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see above. universal protest design…
take a tip from King Charle’s coronation and draw this in the dirt near the entrance to the GOAT pool…
https://www.barnorama.com/w…
really?
aren’t you good at maths?
Yep
I heard Kelly say they get 20 waves pre event. That’s more than in the past.
This photograph of Owen ‘O-Dawg’ Wright was taken immediately before he commented “siick” on Jessi Mighty Cyrpus’s insta post…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
P.S.
Oi Chas
If ya wanna do some real surf journalism you should get the scoop on the new inflatable standing-wave wave-pool (deep enough for normal finned boards) that’s recently opened on a farm in southern New Zealand.
Perhaps you could sponsor me to check it out. Admittedly Negs (and others) live closer to it so the transport costs would be less to get them there, but I’m keen to if see if I could set one up in my backyard in the far north (perhaps as a joint venture with BG and it’s comments committee).
Cheers
I hope ya have a great day…
industries worst kept secret…….just before he paddled out a Pipe …../.white line fever !!
cc: comments committee
WsL drip feeding the pool into the competition format in preparation for a full first up off season competition, which will mark the start of a full transition to an adjacent running pool circuit supported by the Olympics..
It’s all long term project timing and strategy.
Olympic surfing will go full pool in the near future and surfers will have to qualify via the adjacent pool circuit.
How fucking groovy is that baby.
tossin back a Guinness or two…any world records on the horizon?
Hey Chas here’s a story to write. Dog Marsh’s fifteen year old son assaulted by surf school instructor in France.
You got a link
https://www.instagram.com/p…
At his local beach fucken ha ha dog is so french no !
Can’t wait for the other side of the story ie son of ex pro thinks he owns the line up.
not even close…nice speculation……but tuff local Surf Instructor , slaps 15 year old……..hmmm , acceptable?
Yep like BG I made it up to suit the story it’s a BG thing dude.
Well what’s the full story then Maurice did the dude go full Nat Young on him .
it’s being sorted, don’t worry, there will be an outcome !!
Even with Bailey’s ladders bowing out I think its still a good idea for Kaipo to wear a hard hat.
Ideas to liven this up more than turning off lights:
1) competitors take shots of tequila between waves, minimum 5 per heat. Losers have to drink 805 the rest of their time in Lemoore.
2) wave has no variety so make up for it w/ different equipment. Have a different guest ‘board czar’ pick the equipment for each round. As in, Czars for Men, Kai Lenny (straps only) and Joel Tudor; Women Lisa A and Honolua B.
3) Booth commentators call the moves; competitors scored on how well they execute — e.g., Kaipo yelling ‘alley oop’ at Jordy, points for compliance, no points for anything that doesn’t match the call.
4) Sniper heats (aka bumper board): random surfers on soft tops patrol the pool w/ carte blanche to take out any competitor on a wave by running into them with the wavestorm. Kind of like every California surf spot in July. Points for just staying upright and avoiding the bumper boards.
5) Finless: competitors ride the board of their choice, just has to be fin free. Let’s see how long those barrels last w/ nothing but a rail to hold onto.
This new format is actually a pretty good way to run an event in the Pool.
Do you think it will stop the safety surfing or just prolong it?
With the length of ride and the limited practice runs, I think there will always be a degree of safety surfing. But the stakes are high with a real incentive to win and get to the finals so they’ll have to throw it all on the line and that’s a good thing. Certainly way better than the old leaderboard format.
Hmmmm, I’d like to think your right but I think there will be just a bigger display of safety surfing on show.
Fuck no, the leaderboard format was the only god thing about it- everyone was competing against the entire field so there was strong incentive to do good.
Now, you only have to do better than 3 others and you get a safety valve.
sucks dog dicks.
You didn’t watch the new format video?
You did?!?
The misuse and overuse of sick makes me sick.
Erik Logan almost certainly was inspired by this Night Ranger music video.
Please Jesus, rain disease filled mosquitos on this event. I pray to thee.
The WSL is now both literally and figuratively in the dark
nighty night wsl
Use that jet ski proper and lets make this a real air show. Have to get up into snowboard named moves……