Advertisement

Lone Ranger who has appropriated @philiptoledo Instagram account shreds Brazilian superstar ahead of Finals Day

"YES!! NO BIG WAVES THEY SCARE ME."

We live in the future, all of us, where electric FedEx trucks sing songs while double parking, the world’s richest man Jeff Bezos has married an AI bot and sitting world surfing champion Filipe Toledo, who refuses to paddle into big lefts, has his Instagram account run by a troll.

Wild.

Aliens also, apparently, exist, but back to Filipe Toledo. The Brazilian flyboy has lived in the United States of America, near Lower Trestles, for some time now thereby rending his name Philip Toledo. Wonderful and blended with the only trouble arising from the fact that he doesn’t actually own the name “Philip Toledo” on Instagram though somebody does do who enjoys commenting about fear and big waves on other posts.

A sampling.

Very funny and true, though I’m trying to get real inside information from Toledo himself on why he don’t like to go big and left thanks to our Voice Of No Reason’s pushing.

Light candles.

In the meantime, and with the Teahupo’o Olympics coming up, do you think Philip is ready to actually face his fear legitimately?

Or will a “Kelly-Slater-needing-to-go-to-Brazil” type injury beset him?

On that note, Slater is the best professional surfer to ever live. Why can’t he just admit he hates progress and order?

Doubling down, why can’t Filipe just say, “It’s true. I’m scared. Have you seen that reef up close?”

Are you there, Julian Assange?

It’s me Chas.

0 0 votes
Article Rating

Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.

Join the discussion

Your comments are still here. Every one of them.

Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.

Unclaimed
Handle
Comments
Posting since

Connect Disqus to reveal.

Subscribe
Notify of
11 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
martillo

Three off limit (censored) subjects at recent Teahupo event; any mention of the tragic Maui fire, Ewing’s injury or even mention his name and how much the WSL SUCKS.

Eddie Haiku

Like a heat at Chopes
Four posts, zero followers
I feel for the kid

Sellme fitzgobbins

Even philpe Toledo is embarrassed to be philpe Toledo….

Surf Ranch Bro

Rumors swirling of treachery on the bike path at dawn patrol. Instigating locals mum on the subject. Phil seen checking his six. Stickers being printed.

Pauly Matt War-Shore
Gil Gunderson

Oh, thaaaaaat Ben! Not Ben.from.Marcus.

Mapski

Looks like Kolohe Andino is squaring off against Cose Stoyanoff in his first heat at Virginia Beach tomorrow.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Any chance that’s a BG regular running that account? Chas, DR, or Bexy, willing to claim? JenSee?

tim_nelsen

FYI: use that pic above and user/avatar name Phildo!

mike m
ValiantScorn

doesdoo
That’s what you call it, when your sea doo launches off the trailer on your way to Puerto Vallarta. Because it didn’t work in the sea any more. Needless to say, couldn’t surf for a whole day waiting on it to shrink a little.


11
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x