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Surf fans thrill for coming “Battle over Beard Oil” as Quiksilver, Billabong, RVCA set to challenge Hurley’s market dominance!

Halcyon days here again!

We are but hours away from Authentic Brands Group official purchase of Boardriders and, already, surf fans are celebrating. As you know, the ABG juggernaut, owners of the Shaquille O’Neill, Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, though not Marilyn Manson licenses (Manson’s has grown icky) and valued over $20 billion dollars, became excited by Boardriders, home to Billabong, Quiksilver, RVCA and decided to acquire months ago.

After a few hiccups, the deal will be finalized on Aug. 31 and announced to the world by a dumping of Billabong and RVCA shirts into Costco, surf fans buying them up for pennies on the dollar.

What thrills even more, however, is the anticipated “Battle for Beard Oil” with rival Hurley.

Bob’s baby, acquired by Bluestar Alliance in 2019, immediately pivoted factories from best-in-class boardshorts to inflatable pool toys, fingernail clippers and, of course, men’s grooming products.

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It has come to dominate the surf-branded unnecessary and landfill-ready market so much that, for the past four years, surf fans felt that they would only have one option for Chinese-made reading glasses.

Now, with Quiksilver, Billabong, RVCA, Volcom (purchased by ABG in a separate deal) all ready to make junk, which will rise to the top?

The early money has to be on RVCA. The “balance of opposites” already pivoted, successfully, to the fight game, years upon years ago and I’d imagine various creams and salves can be put on the market straight away.

Like Goldbond but hip.

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Quiksilver might be a sneaker, though, with the “mountain and the wave” the best logo of the bunch and ready to adorn bottles of fingernail polish or baby teething toys.

Billabong?

I don’t really see it.

You?

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41 Comments
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channelbottom

I’m investigating the marketing options for Hurluley products.
Oily Beard Bikini Phonecase Mug Holders on the way.

channelbottom

I’m possibly wrong but if you upload to Disqus I think it wipes metadata.

tim_nelsen

“thx to felipe…our only douche’
Griff: Section 1 John 23:1

Sean Connery

I save a lot of money on product with a hairline going the wrong direction and not being able to grow a beard. Just waiting for the wife to show up with a box of Hims though. Christmas is coming.

tim_nelsen

trojans & rubbers…plan ahead. parkin ain’t free. downtown LA!

Michael Flatlately

You know I did test positive with COVID once, but had no symptoms. I of course hammed-it-up and spent a week on the couch looking forlorn. I put it down to my daily Caivera faecal fed fungus powder.

tim_nelsen

while still in the fam living room…”I didn’t even enter the cave!…well once…”

Brutus

rumor has it that there will be bearded clam oil, which can be used also as a bearded rectum oil.

So the new multi-purpose oil will also offer genderless Dildo’s……

Wow surfing has never been so great in accommodating…well everybody!

Dogsnuts

And foreskin regenerator’s for those of us who have suffered genital mutilation!

tim_nelsen

purgatory w/o representation~

Brutus

probably anti wrinkle foreskin creme will help!

tim_nelsen

urinalysis into the cup, scout~

Low wide stinkbug stance

Dude, clams haven’t had beards since last century!

Brutus

only in Brazil , there’s a brazilian shaving creme , butt now hair hair anywhere is…???

Roger Dat

Somebody up there loves me…

Michael Flatlately

Billabong Halal Ultra Hard Surf Candy

tim_nelsen

honeycomb chocolates…

Wotusay

Hustler remains true to its mission. The dildoes at the surf brands have no shame.

Dogsnuts

With many a fuckwit podcaster promoting the use of weed and mushrooms the bong could be a dark horse! Xox

Michael Flatlately

You just reminded me I again forgot to put mushy powder on my granola this morning.

Dogsnuts

Hahahaha microdose away my enlightened friend. Namaste!
Xox

Otto

Why hasn’t RVCA released a line of surf mats built to get your MMA fight on if need be?

Michael Flatlately

Can you get inflatable bouncy Octagons® I wonder?

Otto

up, up, and away super synergy!!!

ValiantScorn

There’s so many options, more par for the course.
Gravel, Dirt, Sand, Asphalt, Sidewalks, Tile floors, Wood floors, Stairs, Pool Decks, Team Compounds, and my favorite….cobblestone.

tim_nelsen

sealants are tozic

disqus_00d1gIXedO

who will be first to sell bearded lady oil for surf equity’s sake?

Low wide stinkbug stance

I think surf equity would settle for a dildo.

tim_nelsen

there’s a three step program…

lure.
bed.
don’t bust the waterbed~

Jimmy the Saint

How will this affect the shit quality of their wetsuits going forward?

Gelato Pickle
NEGATRON

Is that legit?

Gelato Pickle

No sorry mate!

NEGATRON

Damn.

Roger Dat

I’ve reflected deeply on your rebuke dealing with papering up cheap, or recycled memes. I understand, yet I’m content deprived. I have zero other cyber interactions, memberships, etc. Sadly, there is only BG for me. Yet, BG is enough.

Therefore, following your instruction, I’ve created my first meme featuring my own dog, Stella who is a Great Dane.

The funniest topic never discussed is a large breed indoor animal with diarrhea.

Pauly Matt War-Shore

Great photo. Dogs are the best, even when doing hardcore squirts

Roger Dat

Paulie Shore sustains many great memories of hilarity, especially on the heels of Kineson and ADC. What an epic era of great pass the torch comedy! Mahalo Wease-oh.

Roger Dat
notsurfingtoday

Exfoliatingly True To This

Sellme fitzgobbins

Anal bead?

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt

Pumice plug. To exfoliate the anus.


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