Halcyon days here again!

We are but hours away from Authentic Brands Group official purchase of Boardriders and, already, surf fans are celebrating. As you know, the ABG juggernaut, owners of the Shaquille O’Neill, Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, though not Marilyn Manson licenses (Manson’s has grown icky) and valued over $20 billion dollars, became excited by Boardriders, home to Billabong, Quiksilver, RVCA and decided to acquire months ago.

After a few hiccups, the deal will be finalized on Aug. 31 and announced to the world by a dumping of Billabong and RVCA shirts into Costco, surf fans buying them up for pennies on the dollar.

What thrills even more, however, is the anticipated “Battle for Beard Oil” with rival Hurley.

Bob’s baby, acquired by Bluestar Alliance in 2019, immediately pivoted factories from best-in-class boardshorts to inflatable pool toys, fingernail clippers and, of course, men’s grooming products.

It has come to dominate the surf-branded unnecessary and landfill-ready market so much that, for the past four years, surf fans felt that they would only have one option for Chinese-made reading glasses.

Now, with Quiksilver, Billabong, RVCA, Volcom (purchased by ABG in a separate deal) all ready to make junk, which will rise to the top?

The early money has to be on RVCA. The “balance of opposites” already pivoted, successfully, to the fight game, years upon years ago and I’d imagine various creams and salves can be put on the market straight away.

Like Goldbond but hip.

Quiksilver might be a sneaker, though, with the “mountain and the wave” the best logo of the bunch and ready to adorn bottles of fingernail polish or baby teething toys.

Billabong?

I don’t really see it.

You?

What have we gotta do to make you love us?

We are coming up on a very important anniversary, here. Ten marvelous years of ultra hard surf candy. For it was on January 24, 2014, that Derek Rielly and I, sitting at a weathered zinc countertop, pressed “publish” for the very first time on BeachGrit. We toasted champagne, or maybe white wine, not knowing where the journey would take us.

Who could have guessed all the adventures we’ve been on, together and by “together” I very much mean you too. From blood feuds to backward fins, Kelly Slater saying this to Kelly Slater doing that, the transition of the Association of Surfing Professionals into today’s World Surf League, Covid, ELo, Surf Ranch, Ashton Goggans of Shire Gogganses, historic zero point heat totals at Teahupo’o, Olympic medals, surf equity.

A decade of Jen See, JP Currie, Steve Shearer, VONR, Negatron, Pauly, Ricmatic and good times.

Alas, tears flowed in Cardiff by the Sea, California and Bondi, Australia overnight when blog lord Lewis Samuels detonated it all in a devastating interview with Stab.

Samuels, you certainly remember, launched the notorious PostSurf decades ago, providing a very refreshing, critical take of professional surfing. His wit and candor drew thousands of fans and those fans grew wildly depressed when he turned off the lights in order to focus on his career at search giant Google.

Rielly recalled meeting him in a piece published five years ago, noting:

I spent a night with the one-time most notorious surf writer in the world, Lewis Samuels, then in his late-thirties. I fed Lewis pastry and crème patissiere straight from the spoon which he described as “gay.” Soon, his mouth was open and he was begging for the eclair, greedily rimming the spoon. He wore a red flannel shirt, some sort of oversized pants and rectangular spectacles usually worn by English women who search for romance in Kenya.

I, unfortunately, blew my opportunity to share delicate desserts with Lewis. I had been in San Francisco, not long after BeachGrit’s launch, and somehow we connected, via text. We made a time to meet at his Google office. I assumed it was for the next day and woke up bright and early, excited to meet the man behind the myth. He was nowhere to be found and the office was strangely quiet. After waiting a few moments, I texted. He replied, “Nobody works on Saturday” and seemed, rightly, grouchy about my absentmindedness.

In any case, overnight, Lewis sat down with the premium surf organ in a wide-ranging interview on all things surf.

When asked, “Is it becoming harder to be critical of professional surfing — especially behind established platforms — nowadays?”

Lewis answered, “I don’t know if anyone’s doing it. There’s people on BeachGrit that are super critical of professional surfing, but frankly, I don’t know if I’d consider them an established platform.”

Ten years-adjacent?

Six published books between the two principals?

Getting called a “bad dog” by The Inertia?

Blocked multiple times across every social media account by Kelly Slater, Filipe Toledo and others?

What have we gotta do to make you love us?

What have we gotta do to make you care?

What do we do when lightning strikes us?

And we wake to find that you’re not there.

So sad etc.

At the end, Samuels did praise the aforementioned Currie and Shearer, though.

Champagne being sent to Scotland and Lennox Head.

And a quick question for your consideration.

BeachGrit principal Derek Rielly, just yesterday, covered the renting out of Billabong’s once-proud and palatial Gold Coast offices, also touching briefly upon big box retailers receiving dump truck loads of Billabong and RVCA t-shirts which are being sold for, basically, free.

$13.99, in fact, more than the World Surf League.

Authentic Brands Group, which almost owns Billabong, RVCA, Quiksilver, Volcom (sale finalized on August 31), wasting zero time in slashing any idea of “core.”

The issue, I suppose, is do you care?

Do those old flushes of excitement when donning a stylized wave or, for our younger brothers and sister, RVCA’s fighting poom poom shorts, feel whorish now? An embarrassment that will be taken to the grave? Or, as a price point shopper, are you excited to get your hands a new fall/spring wardrobe for pennies on the dollar?

In your opinion, is surf culture alive, just thriving in different soil, dying or dead?

If dead, who killed?

Let’s name names.