Glitch fixed. Photo: Office Space
Glitch fixed. Photo: Office Space

Surf industry magically discovers nearly 100 more people to fire!

Where were they hiding?

In a move shocking business analysts worldwide, the surf industry has magically unburied nearly 100 more people to fire. The Orange County Register is reporting that Authentic Brands Group sacked 84 souls. The New York City based management company completed purchase of the surf industry less than two months ago. Quiksilver, Billabong, RVCA, DC Shoes and more.

The acquisition celebrated at Costcos country-wide.

Before the sale, “Boardriders,” as the surf industry was then called, canned what it thought was everyone. Nearly 7000 hard-working surf industry employees sent to the bread lines.

Surf industry questions swirl

As the dust settles, business analysts are wondering where the 84 were hiding. The human resources operative in charge of handing out pink slips insists that all bathroom stalls were thoroughly checked. Also underneath all desks and break room closets.

Covid work-from-home rules might be to blame. Quiksilver, Billabong, RVCA, DC Shoes and more managers still practicing “an abundance of caution.”

One likely culprit may be the warehouse where Kelly Slater’s K brand stored its unsold wears.

Now that the entire surf industry has been fired, business experts are wondering if #surfonomics will also disappear. According to the Surf Industry Manufacturers Association, “The surf industry is driven by a growing, passionate, and vibrant customer base of participants in the United States. #Surfonomics is how we define the financial scale and impact of surfing on the global economy.”

It seems extremely likely.

Here, in any case, is a collection of inspirational quotes by people who have been fired.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life. –Steve Jobs

My mom kicked me out a couple of weeks before my 18th birthday. I had a job for about six, seven months at a supermarket, and they fired me for being late. -Cardi B

That should do. I hope you feel better now.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
28 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Sean Connery
Sean Connery
2 years ago

You just gotta go with it. Never want to fight against a rip.

Kama'aina
Kama'aina
2 years ago

With his new line of “hard boards”.

Tom
Tom
2 years ago

Read that headline and hoped that it was the wsl that had closed the cardboard offices for good.

Dim Sim
Dim Sim
2 years ago

Death by 50% off. Now is prime time to start up a surfing-things brand and then sell it to some suckers in 5 years or so. Did Huurrley peak too early? I hope not cause I still have options to unload.

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
2 years ago

Oh we stopped believing many years ago! This is a hobby for two doomed men.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
2 years ago

we’re all doomed!

Gil Gunderson
Gil Gunderson
2 years ago

Sounds like some healing hands could be in order…

John Non John
John Non John
2 years ago

They just hired Conan Hayes to run RVCA

Mapski
Mapski
2 years ago

Is Necro hiring?

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
2 years ago

My client is a surf adjacent brand (sponsors many YT favorites) and they are considering firing us. Surf Insdutry is a rocking.

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
2 years ago

The shadow that FatsyMillymeyers cast could hide a few….

Surfer
Surfer
2 years ago

The board industry is not any better in Australia. JS shut down their factory for 2 weeks recently as they has no work. TC Glass house that glassed Lost, Pyzel, MR and a few other brands have closed down and McTavish in Byron usually makes 30 plus boards a week is doing 5- 10 boards. The industry is very much screwed.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
2 years ago
Reply to  Surfer

TC Glass house has shut down?

fuck.

Surfer
Surfer
2 years ago

I was told by a friend that works in the complex. I know they were struggling to get work as Tarrintini was doing most of the work in house.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
2 years ago
Reply to  Surfer

best OTR shorties ever.

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
2 years ago

Which ones?

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved
2 years ago

Pyzels, Losts – take your pick

channelbottom
channelbottom
2 years ago
Reply to  Surfer

I get the feeling that there was a COVID boom due to people starting during lockdown so they could ‘exercise’ legally. Perhaps the industry here overstretched itself into speculative debt and has now toppled over onto its face when the long game didn’t materialise.

Capt Sensible
Capt Sensible
2 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Here here old chap a perfect analysis and all the fucken euro travellers are on the way home via Bali and Hawaii , social media is full of second hand boards mainly mini to full sized Mals for sale and scarcely from a environmental aspect thousands of fucken soft tops are getting the flick into landfill because no one wants them.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
2 years ago
Reply to  Capt Sensible

A lot of Euro trash here now in their campers! They picked up surfing- probably in Australia, and now are living out their Torren Martyn euro fantasy. German, French, Austrian, Swiss, you name it, they are here! I wish they would fuck off back to mainland Europe!

V3 Rocket
V3 Rocket
2 years ago
Reply to  Surfer

I didn’t know about TC.
How did you hear about JS closing for 2 weeks?

Surfer
Surfer
2 years ago
Reply to  V3 Rocket

Got a friend that works there. He was told to have a holiday for 2 weeks as they did not have any boards coming through. JS is taking alot of the production to Bali and Cobra.

V3 Rocket
V3 Rocket
2 years ago
Reply to  Surfer

Who’s glassing Pyzel, Lost etc now TC have closed?

Surfer
Surfer
2 years ago
Reply to  V3 Rocket

They are doing alot themselves. They do about 70 a week which is possibly enough for Australia sales and any epoxy is done by Matt Green (Blacksheep).

Corey Webster
Corey Webster
2 years ago

Not sure any of those brands listed have anything to do with surfing. They’re management consulting clothing lines meant to make firing people feel casual and laid back, like a cocktail on a sunny day at the beach. Boardriders needs to promote their exec’s on social media, “Bill here fired 84 people while looking casual and feeling good. He was able to drop his phone in his cargo shorts extra pocket after firing off that bulk email”. Maybe have the 2 employees left chair him up the beach to enjoy another victory. Especially considering Bill’s secretary had eye’s for Fred in accounting, who she won’t be seeing in the cafeteria anymore.

Kama'aina
Kama'aina
2 years ago

The surf industry was alive and well at the Boardroom Show in Del Mar a few weeks ago. It’s like seven or eight brands altogether. Mostly older dudes and their wives and a few up and coming young shapers followed by a hand full of groupies. Boards, fins, and not much else. Long live the surf industry. Sorry to all the tee shirt design, sales, and marketing people that are making more than me on unemployment.

P.S. There was also an average surfer signing posters for kids that didn’t know who the guy, Tom Curren, was right outside playing music.

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
2 years ago
Reply to  Kama'aina

Was he signing them; “StupidFkingKook”?

Kama'aina
Kama'aina
2 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

I had him sing the back of my tee shirt and there is no way I’m taking it off so I don’t know for sure what he wrote but it was probably something rad like “Fully Nuking” or “I make more money by going surfing than all the guys not in the top 10” or “who is Tom Curren”. Either way this shirt has to be worth $17 now. Hopefully next year JOB can make it.


28
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x