Kelly Slater and Robert F Kennedy Jr at Haleiwa.

Robert F Kennedy Jr and Kelly Slater filmed surfing together!

Derek Rielly

By

"Bobby Kennedy is the kind of person I want as a President," says Kelly Slater.

News hot from the North Shore of Oahu is the just-gone-public relationship of presidential hopeful Robert F Kennedy Jr and the greatest surfer of all time and North Shore resident Kelly Slater. 

Bobby is the jacked-to-hell seventy-year-old former junkie son of murdered attorney general Robert Kennedy and nephew of murdered president John Fitz Kennedy.

Kelly Slater, who turns fifty two in three weeks and just in time for the Lexus Pipe Pro where he’ll enter as co-favourite with Filipe Toledo, is without peer in an almost one hundred year old sport with millions of participants. 

He has won eleven world titles, a whole damn lot of Pipe Masters, some Triple Crowns, back when they meant something, and singlehandedly opened the gate to the wavepool revolution. 

For a while there Robert F Kennedy Jr was eating up the news as he chased the Democratic presidential nomination, although the Republican Vivek Ramaswamy has since stolen his cute new guy thunder. 

Earlier this year, Kelly Slater used Instagram to announce his support for Robert F Kennedy Jr, posting a clip where Kennedy says:

“I started taking drugs soon after my dad’s death. I started when I was 15 years old. I didn’t like being an addict. I wanted to stop, and that’s when I picked up this book called Synchronicity by Carl Jung.”

Slater wrote, “The kind of person I want as a President. Great message.”

Now, and thanks from a pal of mine from jiujitsu who happened to be on the North Shore with his yoga teacher gal who filmed it all, we see Slater and Bobby, and their entourage which also included notable surf personality Peter King, sharing the ocean. 

Robert F Kennedy Jr has a surprisingly robust stance while Slater is statue-like on the soft surfboard.

Slater and Kennedy also went shark diving!

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by RFK Jr. (@robertfkennedyjr)

One surfer who isn’t in thrall with Kennedy however, is the “supernaturally graceful” three-time longboard champ and jiutjisu black belt Joel Tudor. 

Following an online post by Kennedy where he visits a black-run organic farm and claims “Urban African-American communities have become food deserts where you cannot find healthy food”, or redlining and racism is hoarding all the good food for da whites, Tudor came out swinging.

“Awwwww it ain’t just black people who eat like this …it’s all of poor america! Ridiculous that you are acting like this is a one sided problem…..it’s a nation wide problem that attacks the non wealthy! Take a trip to any trailer park in America and you’ll find this scenario has no color!”

Chas don't like surf skates.

Chas Smith Hates Surf Skates

Derek Rielly

By

"No phenomenon is so tainted nor so ugly as the surf skate phenomenon…"

In his latest effort to salvage what might remain of modern surf culture from the vulnerable adult learner and websites pandering to the sport’s wreckers, Chas Smith attacks the curious phenomenon of “surf skates.”

They are skateboard-esque devices designed to mimic the feeling and movement of surfing on land, characterized by a special front truck that allows for tighter turns and more fluid carving, enabling riders to pump surf skates to generate speed without pushing off the ground.

As any new surfer will tell you,

People ride surf skates for a variety of reasons, but mostly because it’s as fun and unique way to experience the feeling of surfing on land. It’s a great way to practice and improve your surfing skills, even when the waves are flat or you’re far from the ocean.

Another reason people ride ’em is for the pure enjoyment of it. The smooth, flowing motion and tight turns provide a sense of freedom and excitement that’s hard to find in other sports. Plus, it’s a great way to stay active and get some exercise while having a blast.

There are many surf skate communities around the world, and joining one can be a great way to make new friends and share tips and tricks.

In short, people ride surf skates because it’s a fun, challenging, and rewarding way to experience the thrill of surfing on land.

“No phenomena is so tainted nor so ugly as the phenomena of surf skates where we have fully capable men and women wiggling down streets, wiggling down sidewalks,” says Smith. “I don’t know where it came from and I don’t know where it’s going. But it is here now and, of course, The Inertia has reviewed the best of them. Shall we read?”

Pipeline closing out on World Surf League?
Pipeline closing out on World Surf League?

World Surf League in danger of losing Pipeline contest window as Honolulu officially changes permit rules!

Chas Smith

By

“We are hoping for better diversity in the types of events organized..."

The World Surf League’s 2024 Championship Tour kicks off in just days, now, though you wouldn’t know it what with the absolute and complete silence hanging in the air. The first rule of professional surfing at its highest level is, apparently, that you don’t talk about professional surfing at its highest level. But its true, the Lexus Pro Pipeline opens its window on January 29 though it might be the last of its kind.

For a few short weeks ago, Honolulu’s local government got together and officially revised its “Shore Water Event Rules” including who will be allowed permits to host contests on Oahu’s fabled North Shore starting in 2025 and running through 2027. You can read all here, but, basically, events will be ranked based upon how they will improved diversity, mitigate community impact, solve traffic problems and provide much gender diversity alongside environmental do gooding.

“The highest ranked application will be allotted their first choice of location and time. Remaining slots will be offered to applicants in order of their ranking,” the new application process states.

“We are hoping for better diversity in the types of events organized, and equity for the various participants — particularly as it relates to gender,” Department of Parks and Recreation spokesperson Nate Serota old the Star-Advertiser, “while keeping park facilities available and mitigating the impacts of these events on the surrounding community.”

The World Surf League has famously devalued the North Shore since its inception in 2015 circa 1976. In those early days, it attempted to strong-arm Honolulu before big-footing a schedule change that flipped Pipeline to the beginning of the season and elevated Lower Trestles, in Southern California, to the crowning jewel.

Maybe none of it matters, in the end, as the World Surf League really does feel it’s on its way out the door altogether. I am certain that Oahu’s North Shore will somehow survive but what of Lowers?

Will it entirely disappear?

More as the story develops.

Eimeo Czemak
Teahupoo heartthrob Eimeo Czermak, ruined by a combo of wild health costs in the US and not having travel insurance. | Photo: @hanahlife

Tahitian heartthrob Eimeo Czermak financially ruined after wipeout at Vans Pipe Masters

Derek Rielly

By

“The combination of the ambulance ride, hospital stay, MRI and other tests, ended up costing me $55,000”

We got GoFundMe’s coming out the wazoo after a wild start to the Hawaiian season courtesy of that classic combo of surfers throwing ‘emselves over the ledge at Pipe with no travel insurance and the US’s out-of-control health costs.

Peruvian surfer Joaquin Del Castillo, a surfer known for kinky airs as well as the ability to impound himself in the Pipeline palace, shattered his hip in ten places.

He is asking surfers to continue sending cash into his GoFundMe account ‘cause he limped away from hozzy with a one-hundred gee bill in his pocket.

Eimeo Czermak, twenty years old and a Teahupoo kingpin, suffered spine and head injuries while following a wipeout during his heat with the three Florence bros at the Vans Pipe Masters.

“This was probably one of the hardest and scariest moment of my life,” the carrot-topped heartthrob told his fans on Instagram.
“In the second slide there’s a little video of what happened and the crazy part is I don’t even remember anything of this…💔 I don’t know if I can even talk about what happened after I left the contest so I’m gonna keep it to myself but I’m so happy and grateful to be alive and looking forward to heal.

In the video, Eimeo Czermak is pitched head first, driven to shore by the water patrol where we find him retching on the beach.

 

Eimeo’s injuries were even worse than first thought, too.

In a little back and forth exchange with Eimeo’s dad a couple of weeks back, turned out his kid is just hoping to get the use of his legs again.

Now, fans and critics have gone head to head on the kid’s Instagram account after Eimeo revealed he was 55k in the hole ‘cause he didn’t have travel insurance, wrongly thinking he’d be covered by the Vans-sponsored contest.

In his GoFundMe message Eimeo writes,

I’m Eimeo Czermak, a 20 year old pro surfer from Tahiti who suffered a serious injury to my spine and head competing at the Vans Pipemasters on the North Shore of Oahu. I fell on a wave and damaged my spinal cord and head, which caused a serious concussion, when hitting the reef.

I am grateful for the Hawaiian Water Patrol and team of lifeguards that brought me to shore but once arriving on shore, I realized I didn’t know where I was and couldn’t remember what was happening.

Shortly after, they put me in a stretcher and a neck brace. That was when the adrenaline wore off and I felt intense pain on my spine and couldn’t feel my legs.

I was taken by an ambulance to the ICU at a local hospital where they performed various procedures and, although I told them I did not have health insurance, they required me to stay overnight which cost me $37,000.

After that, I couldn’t feel or move my legs for a week and a half, and still to this day am dealing with the effects of the injury and concussion, which has resulted in depression. I’ve never been one to ask people for money or help, but this situation unfolded without my control and has put me and my surfing career in a very difficult position.

The combination of the ambulance ride, hospital stay, MRI and other tests, ended up costing me $55,000.

If I’m unable to pay back the hospital bills, I won’t be allowed to return to the United States or surf in Hawaii again since I am from Tahiti (French Polynesia).

This is heartbreaking for me because Hawaii is like a second home to me and has played a huge role in growing my career because of the major contests’ I’ve been able to compete in there. If I’m unable to return to Hawaii, it’ll have a huge negative impact on my surfing career.

So far, fans and pals have raised almost ten gees of the desired fifty-five for Eimeo Czermak.

Not everyone was thrilled by the latest call for cash from an uninsured surfer, although they were in the minority.

Hot take: people surfing life threatening waves shouldn’t do it without medical insurance

Imagine going to the US and not having health insurance. Then imagine surfing Pipe on top of that. Funny how the world stage in snowsports doesn’t seem to have the same issue. It’s a given that if you’re on the hill you have insurance – same should be said here.

Ah, excuse me? But sorry to say as it is, he just had to take his disposition especially as a high-level athlete. When you know you’re going abroad especially in the field of sports and worse as a HIGH LEVEL ATHLETE! SURF discipline, we know that the danger is real. Then even every departure abroad sorry but you take insurance WHY? Because you never know what could happen to us down there. And he knows that medical bills in America are very expensive. But here you go on social networks, because yes it’s nice to be hot my friend but you must have known all this.

Most of the fury was aimed at Vans, who recently made news by sacking most of their surf team, and who appear to’ve ignored the kid after he left in the event all trussed up in an ambo.

Wow The @vans Pipe Masters Invitational had no insurance for the athletes at a wave like Pipeline . Sounds like a massive liability problem

What???? The event had no insurance ? At Pipe? That’s crazy. Get well my friend

Make a contest without insurance is ridiculous

@vanssurf really?!? No support to an athlete that puts his life on the line to deliver a great show that makes your contest a hit?!?! I mean, with all due respect it is unacceptable that you guys would even consider treating the participant athletes with such disregard 🤦🏾‍♂️ Once again the surf community will pull it together for one of there own to cover up lame corporate greedy disrespectful attitude towards the people that make it happen!

@vans you guys should cover this.. it’s a drop in the ocean for you. You’de be nothing without good surfers promoting your brand

@vanssurf @vanssurfevents @vans Hook this boy up. Every competitor needs to be covered. When competing you go hard or go home for the show that gives you highlights. When shit goes down the competitor needs to be looked after.

These athletes put their lives on the line for these events. How do you not at the very least offer them health insurance for injuries sustained during events?

The contest didn’t have insurance?! What Da Fuck?! You guys could literally die surfing at that spot. There should definitely be insurance requirements for these comps and contestants.

And so on, although some followers of Eimeo Czermak, better versed perhaps in the machinations of contest insurance, said the event was covered because competitors signed the obligatory waiver. And, surely, no one travels without travel insurance.

A good lesson for Eimeo Czermak and Joaquin Del Castillo, don’t y’think?

I can’t imagine a world where I wouldn’t shell out the few hundred bucks for travel insurance.

Et toi?

You ever roam the globe without a little insurance back up?

Medina (left) and a tangled web.
Medina (left) and a tangled web.

Gabriel Medina’s world about to explode as alleged lover and ex-wife set to meet on Brazil’s Big Brother!

Chas Smith

By

An "unavoidable mess!"

The World Surf League’s 2024 Championship Tour is but days away from kick off, though you wouldn’t know it. There have been zero nifty new slogans unveiled, no Instagram slides featuring John John Florence or Filipe Toledo or Carissa Moore encouraging surf fans to “tune in.”

Nothing but crickets and the mournful yelping of injured dogs from the World Surf League’s new shared veterinarian offices.

Bleak though fireworks may be on the way from the most unexpected of places.

Brazil’s Big Brother.

Now, you are certainly aware of the decades old reality program that throws a handful of strangers together in a house, recording their every move. I can’t recall if people get “voted off” or executed or some such but I believe there is a winner at the end.

In any case, Brazil’s next airing will feature surf star Gabriel Medina’s ex wife Yasmin Brunet and his alleged ex-lover, TikToker Alisson Ramalho who soothed the surf champion near or at the end of the union.

Per Brazilian outlet Terra:

Last Friday, the 5th, the announcement that TikToker Vanessa Lopes would be in the next edition of Big Brother Brasil stirred the internet, mainly due to a possible “clima” with Yasmin Brunet, who will also be on the program.

In an interview with the website Gshow, businessman Alisson Ramalho, Vanessa’s father, assured that the young woman had an affair with surfer Gabriel Medina, after he separated from the model.

“When she had this affair with Medina, I think it was right after the end of the marriage… I think it would be a natural thing, not only for Vanessa [the relationship with Yasmin], but for any human being. There’s a mess going on that there’s not much way to avoid. Let’s see how the two of them will deal with it inside.”

When the aforementioned fling was first announced, two-ish years ago, Medina took to Instagram and penned, “Evil gossip can make you hate innocent people and love hypocrites. Be wise, there are always two versions in every story told. Listen to them.”

I suppose we will have the opportunity, now, on Brazil Big Brother.

Do you think this “unavoidable mess” will strain Medina’s concentration as he sets out to eventually lose to Filipe Toledo at Lower Trestles once again or do you think he will steel his soul and use the tawdry doings as motivation until losing to Filipe Toledo at Lower Trestles once again?

Stay tuned, I suppose.

Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
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