Joel Parkinson in surfing accident at Snapper Rocks
Joel Parkinson, "stuffed" after failure to correctly assess conditions at Snapper Rocks.

Citizen cop Joel Parkinson issues grave warning to surfers after rock jump goes horribly wrong!

"He's stuffed!"

The 2012 world surfing champ Joel Parkinson has issued a grave warning to fellow Gold Coast surfers after a mistimed rock jump that ended with his wedding ring being ripped from his finger and the champ being smashed into a volcanic rock garden.

Joel Parkinson may be better known these days for his hometown policing, his legend cemented after he  tried to stop two TikTokers filming ‘emselves sliding down a muddy hill citing environmental damage and, possibly, excess noise, but his surfing bona fides are still impeccable.

However, even champs like Joel Parkinson can have a bad day, a lapse of judgement. And, at a joint like Snapper Rocks, where the intrepid surfer must dance atop the volcanic outcrops to finally be confronted by a wall of water, one mistake, as they say, and you’re cooked.

Forty-four-year-old Joel Parkinson, whose eyes spark with all their old fire and brightness and who looks younger than his age by a decade at the very least, is forced to abandon his surfboard as waves pummel him across the shelf and into a hole.

“Never underestimate the power of the ocean…even at your local!” writes Joel Parkinson. “All it took was my wedding ring – sorry babe the ocean let me have this one – hopefully you will be as kind!

Fellow Snapper Rocks devotee and three-time world champion Mick Fanning was quick to recognise the severity of the incident.

“Very lucky there mate.”

Two other world surfing champs also weighed in,

“Soo freakin sketch that visit on the rocks!! She is always ready to teach us a lesson…so stoked you pulled it!!! The sigh of relief🙌👏👏👏👏🙌is felt here mate!!” wrote Tom Carroll (world champ 83 and 84)

“Stoked yr ok mate as you know those rocks are fucking sharp you pulled a rabbit out of yr ass on that one,” wrote Gary “Kong” Elkerton, (three-time world masters champ.)


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Charles Leclerc and pals.
Charles Leclerc and pals.

Shock and awe as Monegasque Formula 1 driver Charles Leclerc conquers heavier wave than delicate surf champion Filipe Toledo!

"So good to be back surfing..."

Our favorite pastime spreading far and wide is nothing new. For decades now, outliers see a surf film, or surfers themselves playing the sport of kings off some beach, and think “I want to try.” A glorious cycle though maybe somewhat dulled by today’s ease of entry. Abundant surf schools, squishy soft tops, evaporated rules have, each, left a sort of vacuum where “cool” once hovered, vaguely defined.

All that aside, wonder and amazement spread overnight when images of Formula 1 driver Charles Leclerc began spreading online depicting the 26-year-old Monegasque dropping into a terrifying triple up. A wave that would send shivers into the spines of all but the hardest Shipsterns’ natives. A wave that would current World Surf League champion Filipe Toledo into emotional hospice care.

You, of course, remember when the timid Brazilian failed to paddle at lightly plus-sized Pipeline earlier this year, tantrum’d that he owned nobody nothing then went on a mental health break.

“So good to be back surfing. No photoshop at all in the 2nd picture of course, all talent,” the Team Ferrari driver, anyhow, penned to X.


Now, surfing and Formula 1 are not strange bedfellows. Lewis Hamilton, who now also happens to drive for Ferrari after leaving longtime Mercedes, is a known aficionado even counting father-to-be-again Kelly Slater amongst his best of friends.

As talented as Hamilton may be, his barrel nowhere close to Leclerc’s devil send.

Back to Toledo, though. Do you think he would be equally scared behind the open wheel, zooming this way and that, or do you think he should take his talents elsewhere?

Also, we never got to discuss Hamilton to Ferrari. Are you a yay or nay there? I wish I could spoil his gender reveal but there’s only so much time in the day.

Until next time.

Chas Smith on Kelly Slater becoming a baby daddy at 52!

"Who amongst us could hate the announcement of new life?"

Confirmed bachelor and self-described absentee daddy, Kelly Slater, surprised the surf world yesterday when he announced that his Chinese-American girlfriend was heavy with child.

Rumours had been swirling, as the metaphor goes, for months.

“This whole story is related to your favourite surf website BeachGrit,” says Chas Smith in the latest episode of Chas Smith Hates Surfing. “I had heard from a trusted source that they’d seen Kalani Miller out the front of their house hiding a baby bump. This source was uncertain so I asked another trusted source who confirmed the pregnancy.”

But, here, a dilemma.

“This information came to me weeks ago. But what should I do? Publish this happy news? Break open the story? Or should I allow Kelly Slater and Kalani Miller the chance to do it the way they want to do it?”

Chas Smith chose the latter.

“I wanted to let them to have the opportunity to announce the pregnancy with hands on belly, a happy song, a joyous pronouncement that there will be one more Kelly Slater in the world.”

“Now, adroit surf fans know Kelly Slater is already a father but has admitted to being absentee for much of his daughter’s life. Kelly now has another chance to be a father.”

What kind of daddy is Kelly Slater going to be?

Hands on, hovering, best pals?

And, you, who are already daddies, what advice do you give to Kelly Slater?

Put your answers and advice in the comments.

Slater (pictured) celebrating.
Slater (pictured) celebrating.

“It’s a girl!” Surf champion Kelly Slater to have daughter for second time in legendary career

Pink champagne all around!

We all, today, learned the very important and valuable lesson of preserving the solemnity of significant and personal announcements. Kelly Slater and longtime girlfriend Kalani Miller shared, yesterday, that she was pregnant. Now, I had been told this fact two or three weeks ago but decided to do the right thing and let the happy couple disclose on their own time, in their own way.

That aside, I heard a fresh rumor today from an impeccable source that the bundle of joy is, in fact, a girl.


Slater will now, officially, be a two-time daughter farther. His eldest, 28 and an artist of note. His youngest yet to decide on a career path.

Now, if left to their own devices, how do you think the 11x surf champion and bikini maven Miller would have shared the news? With a gender reveal party, toxic pink smoke or turtle-killing pink balloons let into the air all to the refrain of Jack Johnson’s 2009 standard My Little Girl?

Heaven forbid.

Doing the GOAT a solid here.

He’s welcome.

Jordy Smith upsets locals with development at Jeffreys Bay
Jordy Smith upsets locals with plan to build gorgeous terraced lawn overlooking Supertubes, a wave he is synonymous with.

Battlelines drawn at Jeffreys Bay as Jordy Smith bulldozes sand dunes to build private grassy knoll

Atmosphere at one-time surfer hippy utopia toxic, say locals!

The one-time world title contender Jordy Smith has fallen foul of Jeffreys Bay locals and the law after it was revealed he’d started clearing coastal dunes to create a gorgeous terraced lawn overlooking Supertubes, a wave which he is synonymous with. 

According to a report in South Africa’s The Sunday Times, 

“The municipality confirmed the work did not have the necessary authorisation though it appears (Jordy) Smith may not have been aware he was breaking the law.” 

The thirty-seven-year-old world number four had only recently bought into the famous area and was unaware, perhaps, of the “broader Jeffreys Bay tussle over development in the Supertubes and Surfer’s Point areas, which used to  be a pristine dune belt before the concrete mixers moved in.”

The Kouga Municipality, which deals with such things, had stopped all dune work in the area and after it was made aware of the work on Jordy Smith’s house “spoke to the contractor appointed by the landowner (and said) the work undertaken can’t continue and that there is specific authorisation needed for any work in that area.” 

Clearing dunes, stabilising dunes, whatever you say y’doing, is a grey area and one that’s being played out in beachfront homes all across the world as homeowners try and stop the inevitable and devastating effects of erosion. 

It don’t matter if you’re Jordy Smith, Kelly Slater or Freddy Pattachia and your joint is falling into the drink, councils, for the most, have adopted the mantra that beachfront houses have gotta be sacrifice to the climate change gods.

Back in Jeffreys Bay, locals say that home owners are gussying up their joints “under the guise of emergency dune work. The residents requested anonymity on account of a ‘toxic’ atmosphere and angry confrontations over the ‘rehabilitation’ work in a town once considered hippy surfer heaven.”

What is even more wild, I think, is how cheap it is to set up on the point there at Jeffreys Bay. Even a cursory stroll through the Jeffreys Bay shows bargain after bargain.

Like this four bedder with dazzling views of one of the best waves in the world for $650k.

South Africa has it problems, of course, but nothing a glass-strewn wall, sturdy security and a wall cabinet with automatic weapons lashed inside can’t solve.