So long, VALs. We hardly knew you.
The vulnerable adult surf learner bubble, growing, growing, growing since the world went through a very, very scary pandemic, has long been seen an anomaly. Unpoppable. But if the internet, crypto, property values in Palm Springs have taught us anything, it is that unpoppable doesn’t exist.
And now the VAL is in real trouble.
Refusing to learn anything about surf etiquette or history, the thirty-plus crowd who discovered this Sport of Kings whilst remote working, is falling in love with foldable surfboards.
These atrocities have been attempting to infiltrate surf for years. Quarter page advertisements for “lego boards” once used to litter the rear ends of surf magazines though subscribers outside Oklahoma instantly wrote off as gimmicky and stupid.
The new lot, though, has not received the vaccine, as it were.
New Old Spice adjacent video spots has them clamoring for the ease, the function, the clear, to them, evolution in surf craft.
It, of course, will lead to their demise. Bogging worse than they ever did on Wavestorms, if such a horror can even be conjured. Surfing becoming not only uncomfortable but lame.
And, thus, goodbye, VAL.
We hardly knew you.
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Fuck me, I bought one.
My wife left me immediately.
My dog ran away from me.
My son now calls me “step-cunt.”
My job demoted me.
But I can fit the sick new folda-board in my 1999 red Miata, so I have that going for me; which is nice.
“The New Old Spice adjacent video” assertion upset me much more than the embarrassing folding board as one of the guys on the team that resurrected that shitty smell tried to rip me and a few others off before moving onto another scam in insurance…he’s in jail where he belongs now.
I need this for the next time I fly to SNA from CHS to escape the Californians who have moved to CHS to escape the Californians. A boogie board bag to hold my 8’6″ so I won’t have to wait at oversized baggage and I can get to Boneyards ten minutes faster. Sign me up.
Lots of ex-Vail folks have invaded CHS as well or so I hear!
The new Florence model coming to stores near you
… somebody please kill me!
Add to the subconscious list of sure signs that it’s safe to drop in, snake, back paddle & run over
Welcome to surfing ya fucks
Knew shit was over when I saw some company peddling plastic bags to put over your feet so you could squeeze into your wetsuit.
$20 ????
You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em
Outstanding it is bespoke with a stash pocket. How wonderfully pragmatic. I can put my hormone blockers in it, or suppositories that I suck on when surfing my local beachie. #underthetongue
Perfect for any “surfer” who buys a car without consideration of their surfing habit. Which is no Surfer.
In protest, I’m going to start wearing non-stretch calf length boardies. That is whenever I can get out of this damn 5/4…
good luck … if it’s a chest zip and you’re over 45, I’ll see you at Xmas time.
I think surf culture is about effectively dead at this point.
A large part of what remains of surf culture, which existed in days past, (dare I say, or conjecture), is stored up in the collective consciences of the many here on Beach Grit, or has been passed down by them to others.
BG is the oral history of the tribe
By VALS
Hello again , kooks
the kooks we will always have with us
…”when unfolded the flush hinge vanishes”…
(proceeds to run hand over long, wide, deep groove amidships)
i mean, ladders fold, why not surfboards??
Chandler looks like shit
Waterproof key holder. I’m in👍🏻
Surfers are rushing to the supermarket to get one on the Goldy
https://www.hottomato.com.a…
They should fold in from the stringer.
Or to make it even more awkward, both.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Then carry in a bulky backpack, on an e-bike…
Get a patent immediately. That’s mind blowing.
Peter Pan Bic Pro Model 2.0?
Somebody at the Inertia just got a massive boner.
were his initials SG??