Australia’s Olympic surf squad cries foul after country sends coffee experts to Paris but not Teahupo’o ahead of Games

"It's NOT FAIR!"

Australia is the most isolated continent on earth. There if floats in the southern hemisphere, counting only small-ish island nations as neighbors. Small-ish island nations and New Zealand, which also just so happens to be a small-ish island nation. It makes a certain amount of sense that those living down under have never heard of Paris’ culinary delights.

Yes, the host of the 2024 Olympic Games is teeming with the most delicious treasures. France, in general, and Paris, specifically, can be said to be top of class in force fed livers, baby cow, duck, both aged and young, eggs in crust, oysters on the half shell and coffee. Every street in the City of Light has multiple kiosks, cafes or full blown restaurants where the weary passerby can dip in and perk up with double espresso, americano or cappuccino. The French, mercifully, stuck their noses up at the third-wave coffee movement and serve theirs lightly burnt.

Delicious.

I take mine each morning near the Palais Garnier, staring up at the statue of Harmonie.

Gorgeous.

But, again, apparently unknown to Australia, which is sending foodstuffs and baristas to Paris to feed its athletes during the Games.

Per Delicious.com.au

They say that home is where the heart is. As it turns out, it’s where the Vegemite is too. Despite heading to one of the world’s food capitals, Paris, Australian Olympians will be treated to a little taste of home during their stints in the Olympic Village.

During a press conference on Wednesday, June 5, the Australian Olympic Committee announced the special touches planned for the athletes as they battle it out for gold at the Paris 2024 games.

Creature comforts like Vegemite, Weet-Bix, Four’n’Twenty pies, Milo, and a trio of travelling baristas will be available to our athletes, fuelling them with flat whites and keeping homesickness at bay.

The Irukandji surf squad, however, likely furious as there is no mention of Vegemite nor three baristas heading to “The End of the Road.” Yes, Tahiti, in general, and Teahupo’o, specifically, has… poisson cru. Poisson cru for breakfast, poisson cru for lunch and poisson cru for dinner. It is sometimes ok. Never top of class and rage, I’d imagine, in Tyler Wright’s camp as she will be undernourished while fighting a bevy of health issues.

Ethan Ewing, too, whose fine figure will no doubt suffer.

Light a candle, please.