"Put you in a couple times, never stopped complaining. Thought we'd give the opportunity to someone else."
Stab Magazine, fondée 20something, has long been a innovative pioneer in the surf media space. From colorful comics to double covers (one side of the issue featuring surf, the other fashion) to coffee table books to award-winning Fred Pawle journalism to explosive Mick Fanning controversy to beloved video installments, surf fans have been wildly entertained.
Concerning the latter, Stab began its Stab in the Dark series which transformed the once-nebbish shaper into a rich and famous bon vivant. Note …Lost surfboard’s Matt Biolos before fame…
…and after fame…
Yes, the shaper has flourished madly, winning awards and even being treated to a second Stab in the Dark called The Electric Surfboard Acid Test wherein less traditional models are explored by a professional surfer of note.
And this is where our trouble begins. Stab staffers, enjoying the raw power of kingmaking, have taken on an extremely paternal tone when it comes to shapers getting out of line. If any dare challenge the opinion of the premium subscription blog, the wooden spoon is retrieved from the proverbial drawer and the offending craftsman publicly spanked.
But let us take the case of Matt Parker and crew at Album surfboards. The San Clemente-based design genius has seen his star rise faster than maybe any other shaper in the past five years. Album boasts wildly innovative yet gorgeous boards, a stable of ridiculously talented riders and a reputation second to none. Parker is humble, hard-working and talented, though was not invited to participate in this year’s Acid Test.
Taking to Instagram Threads, the Album team simply informed his community “FYI we’re not in the Electric Acid Surfboard Test.” A curious passerby asked, “Why not?”
“We don’t make those calls,” Album responded.
Smelling the audacity of any challenge whatsoever, Stab, dressed in its most passive-aggressive dad pants, snorted, “Put you in a couple times, never stopped complaining. Thought we’d give the opportunity to someone else.”
Take that, I guess, Album.
And let any other shaper who happens to be reading learn the lesson, too, or else feel the chilly wrath of Ashton Goggans‘ replacement.
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Shapers complaining about media outlets is about as old as a first issue Surfer Mag. Said media outlet employees are happiest with and speak fondest of when they receive goods at or closest to free. More as the story develops.
I’m just going to say there are a lot of things you might not know. Maybe ask around. Maybe look into why Josh Kerr left Album and started Draft for starters.
I only heard conspiracy theories. Do you have any hints to give?
Cause haters always gonna hate on success. Same how everyone hated on Hayden Shapes now the new flavor of hate is toward Album. Funny cause much as they are getting hated.. those fucking boards work really well especially for the very marginal So Cal average conditions. Oz and HI a different story.. when the surf is pumping tubes HP pointy thrusters work great but for the average joes in average conditions Album makes some pretty amazing boards. Some of the hate is coming from other shapes cause they kook’d it and can’t get 1500 a stick like Mr Parker has pulled off. I say good on ya get yours and fuck the haters.
“Why pick a fight with {Firstname} {Lastname} of all people” could be a response to almost everything Chas has even written.
What, you don’t pack a 7′ gun for trips to the Maldives?
FYI I’m not in the Electric Acid Surfboard Test either.
Why not?
Alan Smythee dropping the hammer once again!
Xox
Stablum.
Beach Grit should start a rival series called Out of Shape where world-famous-adjacent craftsmen like Mr Album are challenged to come up with high volume, user friendly models to make an everyday, dad bod surfer (ie me) look like they rip.
stickers*
I thought you were describing me for a sec
I would watch that and throw in some out of shape ex-pros for laughs/insight … Grit in the Dark
BG will need fat, out of shape born again* VALs like me to test the boards. I’d happily sponsor the post session parking lot beers to participate
*born again in surfing
Pick some everyday bloke like an airport baggage handler
Domino effect of Matt Parker snaking a BG commentator… he’ll be bankrupt come Xmas.
Was reading along and thinking Com’s influence knows no bounds!
At same time Com got awarded a year of stab premium for a comment there. Turren is pulling all the strings from the lineup at church’s.