Caroline Marks extends United States’ surfing dominance with shortboard gold!

Australian coach approved.

The 2024 Paris Olympic Games is rounding into the back half of its second week and what a show it has been thus far. From wild boxing controversies to gymnastics fairytales, French flexing to foie gras it has been nothing if not ooh la la. Surfing shortboard, as you know, was included with participants posted up in the middle of the Pacific some 10,000 miles away from the Arc of Triumph.

It was there, in Tahiti, that the United States stomped its reef shoe on history’s neck, the most dominant superpower the sport has ever seen.

You certainly recall the Tokyo Games which were won by the greatest ever surfer Carissa Moore. Now, at the End of the Road, Caroline Marks has backed up the feat with a gold of her own, besting Tatiana Weston-Webb and Johanne Defay in the process.

I attempted to watch at the Red Bull Energy Station which is very near to the Lourve but Finals Day was delayed due lousy-ish surf. Thus, I watched 3 on 3 men’s basketball instead which seems a fine enough game but would be finer if the players called their own fouls like on the playground. If this rule was adopted, the proud nation of Brazil would win every 3 on 3 from here to eternity as the team would miraculously never foul but get fouled on every play.

Back to Marks, though, it is reported that she narrowly beat Brazil’s Weston-Webb with a scoreline of 10.50 over 10.33. The American judges likely receiving many death threats and much poop emoji from the land of Progress and Order. The official Olympics organ attempted to spice up the final, by describing the small surf and shallow barrels, possibly hinting that Weston-Webb was done wrong with the final score?

Who knows.

Marks celebrated American might by declaring, “I’m so honored and so happy, this is just incredible and I’m so emotional. I’m so happy to do this for my family and everyone back home. Wow, I’m just so happy.”

Suck it, world.