Kauli Vaast beats Australian Jack Robinson to win Olympic gold medal.
Tahiti's Kauli Vaast beats Australian Jack Robinson to win Olympic gold.

Tahiti explodes as local surfer Kauli Vaast beats highly fancied Australian to win Olympic gold!

“The dream has come true for France and Tahiti…”

In asmall but theoretically building swell, the Tahitian/French surfer Kauli Vaast has won Olympic gold by easily beating the zeitgeist-y rodent-featured part-time model Jack Robinson. 

Over the course of thirty-five minutes, roughly four set waves broke, Kauli Vaast got two of ’em and Jackie Robinson but one.

The pair sat in a listless ocean for the final fifteen-ish minutes without one wave being ridden.

An anti-climax?

Yeah, sorta, particularly if you felt like Jack Robinson, a man with a raw sexuality generally only noted in big-dicked black guys and who had to mow through John John Florence, Ethan Ewing and Gabriel Medina to get to the final, was destined to hoist Olympic gold.

But, credit where the credit must land.

And, Kauli Vaast, who lives in the little village of Vairao seven or so clicks north of Teahupoo, was a favourite with bookmakers before a wave was even surfed.

Vaast, who is twenty-two and who has been surfing Teahupoo since he was eight, famously humiliated the greatest surfer of all time, Kelly Slater, in 2022, when he surfed a wave switch during their semi-final.

In an excellent interview with my ol pal Pauly Evans a few years back, human Viagra Raimana van Bastolaer described Kauli Vaast as the future and hope of Tahitian surfing. 

Prophetic words.

The gold medal is significant in the battle between countries. It elevates France to third position on the leaderboard above Australia and just behind China and the USA.

Meanwhile, Caroline Marks, USA, and Tatiana Weston-Webb, a sort of quasi-Brazilian, are surfing for women’s gold.

More tomoz when JP Currie awakens and belts the keys.

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74 Comments
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tim_nelsen

no place for RAP her or there or anywhere…recoup!

k55

How are they going to stop them?

VAL LAVA

sad day when your favorite writer types out the cringiest sentence of all time. my god Derek.

tim_nelsen

on the new Surfer’s Journal…check it out~

k55

Ha, says you—how they goons stop them?
Try stopping N. Korea while you’re at it.

k55

Well, it’s over—thankfully…..

JSC

French Olympics. French surfing gold medal winner.

Coincidence?

AI (for ever) .

No.
His first wave was the best rode in final .
He won convincingly

Rocks local

true

Doobalachy

No his ability to ride the waves was spot on but huey won the 2nd half

Nonagon_Infinity

Glad it’s over now I can get on with life! Wait when does Cloudbreak start?

patrick nolan

Not sure how Vaast kept priority after that first unridden wave he paddled for..

channelbottom

Uh oh…
A Brazilian didn’t win.

There’s gonna be Hell to pay and accusations galore.

Chas will probably get cancelled again, more cocaine-laden sea animals hushed-up, toes mildly grazed, you name it.

k55

Well, a Brazilian did make it into the top 3 three, and meddled, while the USA did not.

tim_nelsen

white digger deserves it all…MSNBC disagrees.. as do the Lesbians…

4Oceans

Stoked 4 KV and brazo epic fail but surfing in Olympics is a farce and incredibly boring 😴 please can we not do this anymore??

Disco

Men’s rnd 3 was alright.

tim_nelsen
Noncompetitor

Human Viagra sexual dynamo Dez Rielly pumping those keys

Beef & Beer

Apparently tomorrow will be pumping.
And the Olympics have another 5 days to run.
So why did they have to get the surfing done in a shorter time frame ?
Clowns…

NEGATRON

Permits. It ain’t a local boardriders contest.

Beef & Beer

I (wrongly I guess) presumed the IOC had FIFA kinda sway and would’ve paid extra to have the extra time, surely the locals wouldn’t have turned it down, it’s the Olympics…

NEGATRON

Not sure, but completely taking over a spot for 10 is a stretch.
Tahitian Beef & Beer and his buddies would be well over it by now.

notsurfingtoday

I can imagine they’re all too busy acting as liaison officers, doing water safety, driving boats, doing local tours, renting out their houses, polishing the aluminum tower, etc etc.

Noncompetitor

We’ve all been polishing the aluminum tower … When is Cloudy anyway

ValiantScorn

At least in Syria you actually feel like you have a pulse. This is so stagnant, and non-confrontational it has a negative count on the thrill meter.

Happy Camper

you there now?
things heating up.

Happy Camper

speaking of exploding,
The U.S. just sent a fighter jet squadron, a carrier strike group, more ballistic missile defense-capable cruisers and destroyers and air defenses to the Middle East as Iran steps-up plans to attack Isreal.

shit’s about to get real.

Brutus

Iran knows how superior USA/Israel firepower is……game of huff and puff again while Iran works out how to save face from their own security forces planting the bomb!

The Bitchy Crab

Yep, my pals in the IDF tell me Israel will allow a few bombs to land so Iran can save face, protection of honour v important, and it’ll all settle down, at least for a while.

The Bitchy Crab

And, also, the bombing was a potent note to the Ayatollah and co: we can kill you anytime we want. Right now, we choose not to.

Brutus

fuck I wish they would find Sinwar!

Happy Camper

Have they looked in Marthas Vineyard?

Brutus

ha you know Arthur also,LOL??

Happy Camper

mistakes happen.
one errant bomb could be an Archduke Ferdinand moment.
you play with fire…..blah, blah, blah.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

gal pals?

k55

Wow, really?
Totally good strategy.
Just let the ones that are headed for unpopulated areas land.

Happy Camper

agreed, but they’ve proven their suicidal tendencies before and it sounds like they may try to blow their wad while the U.S. shows weakness. Winken, Blinken and Nod have no spine to stand up to Iran

k55

Wait till Iran finishes developing the ‘big one’, which probably won’t be long, who’s gonna stand up to them then?

Happy Camper

“The Big One” pertaining more to girth than length?

k55

No, pertaining to dropping a nuke on the capital of your country.

Doobalachy

This could be an opportunity to knock out the big one b4 it is developed further

Brutus

the US of A , and a small little bunch of humans know as Israel!

k55

Umm, seem Iran might have the ‘big one’ any time now.
Does anyone really think these dudes won’t go for it.
Think again.

Brutus

they have everything to lose as the Regions super power……..

k55

If you haven’t noticed, these small rouge nation’s leaders (like N. Korea), do not think rationally,once they have da bomb—you can’t really touch them.
They laugh at your petty sanctions.

Gil Gunderson

Here’s to you Mr Robinson! Nimble Jack nabs silver medal over multiple Brazilian world champs!

Surf Coach/Great Human

And that chiseled but chinless freak took a hot n steamy one right on the head of the Wozzle by being a non-wsl surfer snatching the gold. Good stuff

Michael Flatlately

Should really be a qualification back the other way. I wonder if the Wosl will grant him a Wildly?

Brutus

Jack is the Silver surfer!

channelbottom

Coo Coo Ca-Ctchoo.

Gil Gunderson

Tahitian local shows Vaast wave knowledge to win gold at Paris Olympics!

Surf Coach/Great Human

Shit ending, but glad Brazil lost, even though Gabs does tend to charge heavy death slabs with the best of them. Now all that’s left is Brazzos screaming that Gabby’s scores have Ben Lowe and that Ben doesn’t have a https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

John Non John

Yay


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