Kelly Slater fanning peace in Abu Dhabi.
Kelly Slater fanning peace in Abu Dhabi.

Tears of joy in Middle East as World Surf League adds Abu Dhabi to Championship Tour!

Peace in our time.

The Middle East is a wonderful region, one of my favorite in the whole world, though often beset with tension. Unrest. Strife. Etc. You can image the pure euphoria, then, this morning with the announcement that one of the greatest non-governmental organizations on earth, the World Surf League, will be hosting both a Championship Tour and Longboarding event in Kelly Slater’s new Abu Dhabi wave tank.

“We’re looking forward to seeing what the Surf Abu Dhabi facility can deliver for the world’s best surfers – and the broader surfing world – in the future,” said World Surf League CEO Ryan Crosby. “Both the evolving wave technology and the region itself present interesting opportunities for the WSL, and we’re excited to see that come to life in the coming months.”

“The collaboration with Kelly Slater Wave Company and Surf Abu Dhabi allows us to build a destination ready to welcome surfers from all levels and communities and nurture a new generation of surfers in the region. Together, we’ve created a facility that provides perfect waves time and time again, new wave profiles suitable for every level, and the uniqueness of this being the first saltwater-based wave pool. We can’t wait to welcome the world’s best surfers and all the new fans this region is bringing to the sport,” said Bill O’Regan, Group CEO at Q Holding.

“The collaboration with the Kelly Slater Wave Company and Surf Abu Dhabi showcases our creation of a world-class facility that will provide perfect waves to a region to help grow an entirely new Surf Community in Abu Dhabi,” said Jeff Fleeher, Kelly Slater Wave Company President. “The partnership with the WSL now amplifies this opportunity, creating a platform to showcase the world’s best surfers to both new and existing fans, seated in the heart of Hudayriat Island’s broader sports ecosystem.”

All very cool. Peace in our time.

Unless.

A picture surfaces of three Australians from the same small island and Brazil’s Pedro Scooby gets a hold of it via WhatsApp.

Then all bets off.

Feelings, though. Do you have any? Will the “world’s longest manmade barrel” be more dynamic than its Lemoore, California sister?

More as the story develops.

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Kelly Slater weighs on surf champ Filipe Toledo’s Olympic Games choke, “It’s something mentally in his head.”

“To have him lose to a guy that no one knows about…that would be a shock to people who don’t surf.”

You know the Wall of Positive Noise has been breached when Kelly Slater starts hitting BeachGrit talking points. 

In this case, the remarkable story of Filipe Toledo, the two-time world champ whose struggle to overcome what appears to be a terrific fear of Teahupoo has been a cause célèbre on these pages since Toledo’s zero heat point total in the autumn of 2015. 

But all that was set to change when Toledo stunned the world with an almost-perfect 9.67 ride at the Paris 2024 Games at Teahupoo, the Brazilian exhibiting all those skills surf fans knew he had but were kept under wraps either by fear or a desire to create an air of mystery coming into the Olympic Games.

Filipe Toledo, who surged into gold medal favouritism after the wave, was deservedly thrilled with the result and posted 25 different angles of the wave on his Instagram account, as did his former pro surfer-daddy Ricardo. 

The knives came out for Toledo, however, when the surf hit an epic six-to-ten feet, heroics abounding from Morocco’s Ramzi Boukhaim to Brazil’s Joao Chianca to Brazil’s Gabriel Medina and Australia’s Jack Robinson, and Toledo barely rode a wave. 

“With all sincerity, I hope he is ok, because I can scarcely imagine a greater swing from high to low,” wrote JP Currie. 

“Yesterday, his demons had been vanquished, silenced and sent back to that dark chamber in the pit of his soul. Today, they are back upon his shoulder, wailing and cackling into the shot blood of his eyeballs.

“And I fear that when it’s all said and done, it won’t be two world titles and some of the most dynamic surfing ever done that is Filipe Toledo’s legacy, but simply a handful of waves he refused to paddle for.” 

And that might’ve been it, of course, as the Toledo-Teahupoo dynamic is rarely discussed in the polite circles of surf media where access is traded for acquiescence.

Yesterday, howevs, in swung the great Barton Lynch and his pal of thirty years Kelly Slater, two men who aren’t afraid to storm the citadel of accepted opinion, and they didn’t hold punches when it came to Toledo’s choke against Japanese minnow Reo Inaba. 

“I feel for Filipe,” says Kelly Slater, who describes Toledo as the most talented surfer in the world although with the important caveat “in small waves.”

“I’ve surfed against him out there (Teahupoo). I had a heat with him when it was pretty big a couple years ago… I don’t know what it is. I think it’s just like something mentally in his head. I don’t think he thinks he’s going to die. It’s just he’s got some kind of block there.”

Slater pointed out Toledo didn’t seem to have the same fear at Pipe recalling another heat where Toledo nearly threaded an epic eight-foot Backdoor drainer.

Still, nowhere quite like Teahupoo.

“To have him lose to a guy that no one knows about,” continued Slater. “You know, Rio Inaba is not a well-known name in the surf world. So, that would be a big shock to people who don’t surf to see that heat and to see who the multi time world champion just lost to.”

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Kelly Slater (left) and his inspiration.
Kelly Slater (left) and his inspiration.

Surf great Kelly Slater refusing to name son is peak Kelly Slater!

Hello Adriano de Slater!

Yesterday it was revealed, thanks to the glorious Papa of Surf Barton Lynch, that the world’s second greatest surfer Kelly Slater is refusing to name his newborn son. As reported by the venerable Derek Rielly, “We got a little boy and my friends think we’re playing a game with him, because we haven’t said the name. Because we actually, we don’t actually don’t call him anything. We gave him a name for his birth certificate, but, as of now, we don’t have a name to call him. So, we’re kind of just, like, letting him figure out what his personality is.”

But is this peak Kelly Slater?

The highest point the 57-year-old will ever reach?

A few things.

The boy isn’t called anything?

He has a name on his official document birth certificate that is not his name?

Onus on li’l fella to figure out what his personality is first before receiving the blessing of a marker?

The air very thin on Peak Kelly, so forgive, but doesn’t the 11x professional surfing champion owe Adriano de Souza a solid?

You certainly recall when Slater ripped the hard-working Brazilian’s 1st, and only, championship straight from him by debuting his wave tank less than 12 hours after the Li’l Plumber hoisted his cup?

All air, certainly, out of that room

In this nameless vacuum he created, can’t we, The People™, just step up and call the boy Adriano de Slater?

“de” the middle name, of course.

Fair, I think.

You?

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Excavators (pictured) really messing up a non-Malibu beach. Photo: WhatsApp
Excavators (pictured) really messing up a non-Malibu beach. Photo: WhatsApp

Billionaire baseball team owner accused of stealing Malibu sand

Wild times in the upper crust.

But who would have seen sand pushing waves aside as the new precious commodity protected by the grumpiest of locals? First we were introduced to a Laguna Beach homeowner who roped off a section of sand in front of her house and shouted expletives at a mother and her young son for looking at it.

Now, up north in Malibu, we have the billionaire owner of baseball’s Milwaukee Brewers accused of stealing sand from the precious stretch of coastline.

Mark Attanasio, 66, is being sued by his neighbor for “operating enormous excavators in tidal zones, leaking oils and exposing local marine life to potentially hazardous byproducts.” And also “dragging sand from the beach onto his private property.”

The former New Yorker bought the property in 2007 for 23 million United States Dollars and, later, the empty lot next door for $6.6 million of the same.

Attanasio, for his part, declares he is merely repairing a damaged seawall on his property and has all the permits etc. in order.

Surf fans everywhere are, of course, following the case intently as high money stakes lawsuits between ludicrously rich men are broadly appealing. Whilst we wait for witnesses to be called, examined, cross examined etc. can we discuss which sand is more valuable?

Laguna Beach’s or Malibu’s?

Malibu’s land is certainly worth more, but I’m talking the powdered rock itself. Malibu’s feels a little fake to me. Laguna’s a little too gritty.

What are your thoughts?

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Surf gang (pictured) not following rules. Photo: Point Break
Surf gang (pictured) not following rules. Photo: Point Break

Case against notorious Bay Boys unravels after surf gang member reveals “there are no rules”

"I don't know why I said there were rules. Maybe I was drinking."

Now, tales of the Southern California gang Bay Boys have long been shared by surfers to their children as horrifying bedtime stories in order to keep young charges on edge and alert. “Be careful tonight, li’l Koa, or the Bay Boys will come through your windows, build a makeshift fort in your room and tell you to ‘scrub it.'”

The notorious association guarding Palos Verdes’ Lunada Bay have long been in the news but, more recently, brought to trial for being dangerous and lewd. Various witnesses describing levels of vicious intimidation rarely seen outside of the Amazon jungle. Exposing genitalia, for instance, when changing out of wetsuits or throwing rocks near to people.

One case, currently winding through the courts, though is quickly unraveling and with it the Bay Boys’ reputation as more dangerous than MS13. Two Bay Boys were examined during the civil proceedings. First, Sang Lee how had been busted for sending a rambling email to other Bay Boys in which he called himself a pirate and said he would “die by these rules.”

The honorable plaintiffs attorney Vic Otten asked him, “Is it true that you believe Lunada Bay belongs to you and a select group of people?” Lee responded, “No, I don’t think so. It has a special place in my heart. We try to clean up the area…” then said the wave was not “world-class” merely “better than average.”

Next, Otten asked him about the “rules.” Lee answered, “What are the rules? There’s no rules. I don’t know why I said that…” before adding “I don’t know, maybe I was drinking.”

In regards to the “pirate” reference, Lee replied he called himself one because, “I kind of like pirates.”

When plaintiff Thomas Long was called, he admitted under cross examination that he was simply told the “things he was doing were not inconsistent with surfing etiquette” and that he’d never been threatened or subjected to violence.

The judge, Honorable Lawrence Riff, became visibly frustrated when told there were 17 victims waiting to share their stories of woe, sighing, “It will be unduly cumulative, and will be an undue consumption of time.” He then said settling the case would be best for everyone.

According to the plaintiff’s second attorney, Mr. Franklin, their clients don’t want money but rather “want the city to install a panoply of improvements to encourage public access: signs welcoming visitors and pointing them toward available parking, upgrades to the steep and rocky ‘goat trail’ leading down to the beach making it easier to descend, a blufftop sea telescope, as well as seating, water fountains bike racks and railing all along the blufftop.”

Sounds fun.

More as the story develops.

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