Eric Funderwhite, prettier than most leading ladies
Eric Funderwhite, prettier than most leading ladies

Kelly Slater at brutal best in slam of bodybuilder’s “ham-fisted” post during LA inferno

“Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance.”

A brave Los Angeles-based bodybuilder who turned rescuer of all life, human and animal, during fires tearing hell out of the City of Angels has been smashed under the hammer fist of Kelly Slater after a post that has been deemed “mind-blowingly dumb”.

Erick Funderwhite, whose Instagram handle is @ericthunderbolts, has a forceful torso, strong chin and a lair of hair on his chest and counts more than ten thousand followers on his account.

Three days ago, he posted a short video where he delivers a blood-chilling account of his myriad rescues.

“We walked through all that chaos looking for people to help and animals to save. We made it all the way to PCH. It wasn’t a pleasant walk through the smoke and flames but we did it because we care about that person, dog, or cat and our city. I wish there were more men and women in this world with courage to help others but most run away scared rather than into the flames to protect and help with selfless love. If you need help let me know. Don’t give up.”

 

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A post shared by Eric Funderwhite (@ericthunderbolts)

Much to admire about the handsome Mr Funderwhite and you would think impossible to find any chink in his armour. Big, brash, beautiful, brave.

His online audience, which includes Kelly Slater, had other ideas.

A small sample of the replies.

You said You walked around 6,7 hours inside an interno helping people and animals. But we could not see a single sign of soots or dirt spots on your body. Interesting. Just give it up dude. This is cringy and narcistic and poor taste. And you can’t even make up a believable story.

Siiiick video bro lemme take my shirt off and look jacked in front of people’s homes burning to the ground . Thanks for the stellar reporting, no one ever knew that fire was hot before you told us

I had to watch this again because it’s so mind-blowingly dumb. There are “tons of police”? No, the cops aren’t in there. Firefighters are. Cops are miles out securing the perimeter. I’ve been in the Palisades the last two days btw. You also first say you are 10 feet from the fire, and then end it by saying the fire is 20 yards away. There’s a reason you aren’t a journalist… and only one reason you’re filming this video… your own fucking ego. Delete this shit.

Of course, it took Kelly Slater to deliver the coup de grâce.

“Humble brags are amazing,” replied Slater in an online slam some are calling his best yet.

Is this your favourite?

Or do you prefer his all-in hydra-headed wars, like this against Adrian Buchan and the Establishment? 

Or when he went up against the Flat Earthers? 

Or that most ancient of blood feuds, against Adrian de Souza? 

 

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Dan Bilzerian (pictured) during better times.

Former big wave surfer Dan Bilzerian suffers “humiliating blow” in Las Vegas as home fails to attract buyer

Opportunity knocking?

Playboy Dan Bilzerian was once a frequent-esque subject on these very pages. The micro man who looks very much like a garden gnome enjoyed a life of unchecked hedonism, sharing his various yacht rides with bikini-clad gals and, of course, his wrangling big waves to social media platforms. The self-described “King of Instagram” claim his wealth flowed from a successful poker career, though professional players cast doubt upon the assertion.

Well, Bilzerian is back in the news, today, but for all the wrong reasons. His 38, 289 square foot Las Vegas mansion, once the most expensive property in Sin City, is languishing on the market, price recently slashed by over $5 million, from an original listing of $25 million down to $19.9 million.

It is now, officially, not the most expensive property in the Mojave.

The Spanish Colonial sits upon a five-acre lot and is described as a “monument to excess.” It was built in 2006 and features a full-sized basketball court that can also be used as a roller hockey rink, a poker room, home cinema and golf simulator. Not included is a Kelly Slater Surf Ranch though Bilzerian has enjoyed time in Lemoore.

Losing the most expensive property in Las Vegas title is not the only bummer the human growth hormone-enthusiast is currently dealing with. His company Ignite International Brands is currently being investigated by the federal government, he is suing his father for kicking him out of Ignite’s CEO role and he only posted two Instagram photographs during the whole of 2024.

Dark days but take a tour of his home, here, and maybe think about putting an offer in.

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Gabriel Medina withdraws from 2025 world surf tour
Gabriel Medina withdraws from 2025 world surf tour.

Olympic surfer Gabriel Medina hospitalised after wipeout; withdraws from 2025 tour

Gabriel Medina! Out!

The dramatic life of the three-time world surf champ Gabriel Medina continues after he was hospitalised following a pretty run of the mill sorta wipeout on a four-foot wave.

The thirty-one-year-old Olympic bronze medallist injured his titty in the crash at a Sao Paulo beach break late last week and, today, went under the knife.

“Last Thursday, in Maresias, I suffered a pectoral injury and this morning I underwent a surgical procedure to begin treating this injury,” Gabriel Medina told his 14 mill followers. “Everything went well and we are already looking at the recovery period and next steps.”

And then the ol bombshell.

“I was preparing and very focused for the 2025 season, but unfortunately I will be out for a while. I will now focus on my recovery to come back stronger!”

John John Florence, who now firms as an almost unbackable favourite for the title, replied: “Heal up quick brother! Many more battles to come!”

Other notables in the replies include BeachGrit’s queen of the below the line crowd, Negatron, and Kelly Slater’s human Viagra pool boy Raimana Van Bastolaer. 

 

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Rob Lowe: Certified ripper.
Rob Lowe: Certified ripper.

Eyewitness reports hunky actor Rob Lowe a big wave hellman!

A bigger threat at Pipeline or Teahupo'o than twice-over World Surf League champion Filipe Toledo.

Now, you are well accustomed to tales bout actors who surf, on these pages, singers and models too. Celebrities, in general, I suppose and we examine their toned abs and chiseled faces as they slide upon li’l waves. Generally waist and under, if not knee, unless they happen to be at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch.

Well, what if I was to tell you that there is an A-lister who hunts semi-secret bigger waves breaking over reef and charges upon them? Not just any A-lister, either, but a full on heartthrob?

But let us turn to rising star surfboard shaper Shea Somma for an account which he shared on this week’s episode of The Grit!

I have had a few celebrity surf encounters over the years but maybe the most memorable of these incidents was from about 2011 or so. It was mid winter, a west swell was pumping, and a friend and I had devoted a whole day to chasing surf in the general, let’s say, 805 zone. We lucked into a great morning of overhead waves completely to ourselves at a lesser known spot that features an entry via a trail through a long, pitch-black tunnel, which emerges on the beach in front of the reef. After surfing our brains out for 3 hours, we decided to eat the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches we’d packed with us before heading out for a second session.

Sitting in the sun enjoying our lunch, and remarking on the shocking lack of a crowd, our conversation was interrupted by an incredibly jovial, “Hey guys!! Wow the waves are looking pretty good out there!! You get a few?!!” It was none other than Rob Lowe, emerging from the depths of the tunnel, and completely embodying his aggressively positive character, Chris Traeger, from the show Parks and Recreation, which was a huge hit at the time. He was decked out in a floppy bucket hat, buckled snuggly under his chin, and just about the thickest zinc sunscreen application I’ve ever seen, but there was no mistaking that it was, in fact, Rob Lowe, armed with a 7′ or so Becker “Fun Shape”, once ubiquitously favored by beginners everywhere in Southern California and beyond. My buddy and I were a bit dumbfounded. “Yea man! Fun waves!” was about all we could muster. Rob Lowe proceeded to virtually skip down the beach ecstatically, and then slowly but surely make his way paddling out into the lineup. We finished up our sandwiches and paddled out to join him.

Was Rob Lowe the greatest surfer I’ve ever seen? No. Did he completely yard sale it on several waves? Definitely. Did Rob Lowe embody the giddy stoke of a child newly in love with this silly act of wave dancing we call surfing? Absolutely. Sure there were a few blown waves, but there were also several respectable makes too. And to see Rob Lowe (relatively) charging well overhead sets, with pure enthusiasm, absolute abandon and an ear-to-ear, shit-eating-grin, still brings a smile to my face when I remember it.

I was already a fan of Parks and Recreation but that session made me a true fan of Rob Lowe.

Amazing, no? Rob Lowe a full on charger?

A bigger threat at Pipeline or Teahupo’o than twice-over World Surf League champion Filipe Toledo?

Yes, amazing.

David Lee Scales also discussed former tour rookie Kade Matson’s annoying friend.

Enjoy.

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Bruce Brown and Mike Hynson
In 1963, right when Mike Hynson began looking for a reason to leave the country to avoid the draft, filmmaker Bruce Brown asked if he wanted to go around the world to shoot The Endless Summer. Hynson jumped at the chance.

“Handsome and cocky” star of Endless Summer Mike Hynson, dead at 82

“He was a golden boy and everyone wanted to be like him.”

The wildly gorgeous and athletic star of the 1966 breakout hit Endless Summer, Californian surfer Mr Mike Hynson, died a few hours ago in Encinitas, California. 

His step-daughter Haley Ogden wrote on Facebook, 

“Mom’s partner and best friend in life, out stepdad for 24 years, passed away today at 12:38pm. In the surfing community he was a legend and known as Mike Hynson from Endless Summer. To us he was family and we all loved him with all of our hearts. This doesn’t feel like real life right now. There’s so much to share about Mike but for now I’m gonna leave it short and sweet because I can’t even process this. We are so heartbroken I can’t even articulate the words to describe how much our hearts are hurting.” 

This is how Warshaw tells the story of Mike Hynson: 

In 1963, right when Hynson began looking for a reason to leave the country to avoid the draft, filmmaker Bruce Brown asked if he wanted to go around the world to shoot The Endless Summer. Hynson jumped at the chance. The blond-haired regularfooter was paired with dark-haired goofyfooter Robert August; along with Brown, the two surfers visited Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Tahiti, and Hawaii. Hynson’s sublime first ride at Cape St. Francis—the right-breaking point surf the group discovered in South Africa, memorably presented as the answer to “the search for the perfect wave”—was the movie’s high point.

Hynson was a surfer of great composure, never straining, and subtly arranging his arms, legs, head, and torso into positions that would come to define proper surfing style. He was one of the sport’s great masters of trim, often letting his board run on a straight, elegant line. Handsome and cocky, Hynson was also a trendsetter on the beach, with surf racks on his Jaguar sports car, a wardrobe full of stylish clothes, and his hair always combed neatly back from his forehead, even while in the water. “He was the golden boy,” his former wife said in 2001, “and everyone wanted to be like him.”

In an interview by Scott Hulet in 1991, Hynson described the miracle of “discovering the perfect wave”, the premise of Endless Summer.

We finally got to this huge point, and pulled into a little village, and got ourselves a couple of little clay and straw huts called rondavels. We’d been driving for three straight days, and I’m the 72-hour man, baby. I had a little tube of Benzedrine, and my little bag of grass. I was prepared. Purely medicinal, all right? I didn’t want to sleep. I was in Africa, man!

I woke up before sunrise and walked down to the beach by myself. Robert had diarrhea. I was looking way up the point and saw these unreal waves coming through. I watched and watched until I couldn’t stand it anymore, then I started screaming and woke everybody up. They were tired, didn’t want to be hassled, but I knew this was it! Finally, Bruce and Robert stumbled out of their huts, and I pointed up the point, but they weren’t into it! It was too far away, they said. So they started setting up the cameras there in the bay, to film these crappy little waves! I was fuming! I was yelling at Bruce, “Goddamit, get those cameras up to that point! Look at those waves!” But Bruce made Robert paddle out at this shitty little shorebreak left, and started filming. Meanwhile, I’m looking at most perfect waves I’d ever seen! They were looking up there too, but all they saw was the long stretch of beach. They didn’t know what they were looking at, man! So I starting walking up the point, alone. About halfway up the beach, everything just went WHOOOOSH!!! And a big voice said “Michael, do you want an experience? Do you want to see God?” It was same the feeling I used to get when I’d anticipate a hole-in-one. Walking up that point at Cape St. Francis, it was just like when you hit the ball 200 yards into the wind, and you turn your back and don’t even have to watch it, cause you just know it’s going in the cup.

I paddled out by myself, and it was Heaven on earth. Just golden. My paddling was absolutely perfect. Total economy. My fingers dipped in just deep enough to shoot me forward. I watched these waves going down the point, and I thought to myself, “less movement, more perfect.” So I took off on that first wave and stood absolutely still. It’s hard to fathom unless you’ve experienced waves like that. And I rode that way for 45 minutes.

Meanwhile, down in the bay, I could just make out Bruce and Robert jumping up and down, freaking out. They finally realized what I was doing! And I see them pack up their gear and run up the beach with all their crap. August is so blown away, he’s running as fast as he can, baby. He dragged his board all the way! He paddled out like he was in a race, man, and immediately got into it. Bruce got his shit together on the beach, pulled a blanket over his head, and started filming. We knew that there was only an hour before the tide was gonna wax it. Bruce did not move from under that blanket for 90 minutes! He never took his finger off the button! He’d rip one film cartridge of the camera, and pop in another, just BOOM! And that was it, baby. We all knew what had happened, that we’d just made the movie.

RIP ol Mike Hynson.

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