"Congress has determined that divestiture is necessary to address its well-supported national security concerns..."

Surf influencers are waking up to a harsh reality, this morning, and possible financial destitution. In an expected-yet-surprising ruling, the United States Supreme Court has upheld a ban on the popular short-form video sharing service TikTok. “There is no doubt that, for more than 170 million Americans, TikTok offers a distinctive and expansive outlet for expression, means of engagement, and source of community,” the justices wrote in their unanimous opinion on the case, which was delivered Friday morning. “But Congress has determined that divestiture is necessary to address its well-supported national security concerns regarding TikTok’s data collection practices and relationship with a foreign adversary.”

ByteDance, the Chinese owner of TikTok, will now have to sell the application or shutter it by January 19th.

Surf influencers who enjoy sharing changing tips, little beach dances and product reviews currently bereft, though maybe drawing some hope from incoming president Donald J. Trump who declared, “The Supreme Court decision was expected, and everyone must respect it. My decision on TikTok will be made in the not too distant future, but I must have time to review the situation. Stay tuned!”

But how much do you utilize TikTok in your daily surfing life? Are you a content creator, helping populate the platform with light-hearted fun? A consumer, scrolling through very fine Nic Von Rupp edits? Or a hater, spouting uninformed opinions about Gen-Z and their inability to grow up?

Your favorite anti-depressive surf website apparently has a TikTok that I completely forgot about.

RIP.

Wesson, Caliber, Shooter and Trigger.

Five, almost six, months ago, the greatest competitive professional surfer the world has ever seen, Kelly Slater, and his longtime partner, Kalani Miller, welcomed a baby boy. While undoubtedly a joyous occasion, one usually followed with social media posts announcing the miracle, Slater chose a different route. Appearing on the popular Barton Lynch podcast, the 11-time world champion shared, “We got a little boy and my friends think we’re playing a game with him, because we haven’t said the name. Because we actually, we don’t actually don’t call him anything. We gave him a name for his birth certificate, but, as of now, we don’t have a name to call him. So, we’re kind of just, like, letting him figure out what his personality is.”

He then went on to say it took three months to name their dog and will likely take a year to name the fella.

Lynch, trying to be helpful, exclaimed, “When the name pops it pops.”

And it is precisely that which is worrying surf fans, this morning.

A name that pops.

The Huffington Post, a sort of The Inertia for land-based weaklings, just published a story on the “trending baby names that glamorize violence.” Sophie Kihm, the editor-in-chief at the website Nameberry, told the outlet, “There is a small but noticeable trend of parents using weapons-inspired ― and, more broadly, aggressive ― names for their sons. Many of these names first appeared on the baby name charts in the 2000s, including Wesson, Caliber, Shooter and Trigger.”

Remington, Colt, Ruger, Winchester, Arson, Cutter and Dagger are also seeing spikes in popularity, according to the Social Security Administration.

“Most of these names peaked in use relatively recently — Wesson in 2021 when it was used 306 times, Caliber in 2018 with 24 uses, Mace in 2022 with 64 uses, Dagger in 2022 with 13 uses,” Kihm continued. “It’s hard to say if these names have truly peaked in use or if some will go on to greater use, but I don’t think we’re past this trend yet!”

She concluded, “There’s a certain set of parents that believe weapons-inspired names have a renegade spirit, which has been a rising theme among today’s trendy baby names. Maverick ranks higher than ever, and cowboy-style names like Dutton, Stetson and Boone are climbing the charts.”

And we are definitely not past the trend if Kelly lands on Machine Gun Slater for his charge.

Light a candle please.