Expert analysis of BeachGrit’s live chat during epic Lexus Pipe Pro 2025

Who sends? Who don't?

Who brought the laughs? Who rose to the occasion? Who needs a life?

A little under two thousand comments as I sit here in this lull waiting for Finals Day to start. That’s a lot of sustained traffic from about 20 humans spread throughout the world.

Maybe 30?

What’s the human sample size of the attributes required to be a BG punter? Someone should figure that out, and depress us even more.

You all saw the waves. Pure magic, as those in the booth reminded us over and over. And for once, they were right. It’s rare when what we see before us on the screen can’t be diminished by Turpel’s drone.

Those waves; the late drops; Slater’s Backdoor cavern. Black and white and spit out all over. Did the BG proletariat rise to the occasion of that moment, and all the moment’s of the day?

Ranked, with no clear metric or rubric, from not-even QS worthy, to podium ready:

10) DHMF: I haven’t been on top of something BG-related since Gorilla dropped out of the sky, swinging on a vine, hands full of Sex Wax. Speaking of, where is Gorilla? My comments were all forced, triggered by dopamine hit withdrawal, the “+6 new comments” spiking on the live chat box, as I tried to navigate the crowded lineup. Too much dependence upon the same old cliche of Filipe and lack of balls. We need a * badge, with the first awarded going to me.

9) DR and Chas, tied: one of the more trafficked days in recent BG memory, with all time Pipe on the screen, and Ross back in the booth, and the BG proprietors were largely lacking. Filipe had more of a go than Chas and DR did. Chas, his computer hijacked by his daughter? Unacceptable. DR, too busy reading vintage poems about cocks? Acceptable, but not at the expense of Live Chat engagement. For chefs who like spicy ingredients, conspicuously absent in the kitchen.

8) Negatron: one of the more upvoted comments. Started that with promise, claiming a morning surf. Believable. Ended with an empty promise of onanism, with no footage offered. Can only take so much false promises from Starscream.

7) Negatron: actually just came across the below whilst doing research.  Should drop him to the 9, but Chas and DR already have the 9th spot.

NEGATRON Badge Boy

TimmyTime 16 hours ago
Might be a kook, but i’m a kook that’s judged and head judged more heats than you’ve had hot dinners. I dropped a 9.8 on it, 0.2 less than you. Not really worth the tears and the insults bro.

6) Surf Coach
18 hours ago
Maybe they could take a break from scrubbing Leo’s balls to tell the viewers how far into the comp they’re gunna run today

This is funny. Can fully imagine the context of it being offered. Only got 7 upvotes. Fuckers.

5) Gila Kontol and Happy Camper, tie: Gila has a good hook and believable life-scenario while Happy hints at what this is really all about, and how far off the mark the WSL consistently is from it:

Gila Kontol
Post show is like being 2nd last in line for that chick who fucked a thousand blokes

Happy Camper +3
Gila Kontol 14 hours ago
WSL should leave the cams rolling for the post comp free surf. it’s going OFF!
Pit City

4) Rocks Local

NFL = oh no, can Tom Brady be a commentator if he owns a tiny sliver of the Raiders??
WSL = let’s put the coach of the world title holder in the water and have him talk shit about everyone!!

3) Surf Coach

20 more minutes and Kelly has to go back to dodging fatherhood on land

2) No one really deserves 2nd spot, given who got #1 and what they said:

Jen See

Y’all need to get way more creative with your insults. I know you can do it! I have so much faith in you!

There you have it. An unofficial, totally subjective article that has no defining merit to offer the world, making it perfect for BeachGrit.

Missing from the lineup: Otto. Someone should double check to confirm he didn’t suffocate under his Trump sex doll.