"I will be graduating from dental school. I want to go to Florida because I love to surf. My dad said go to Utah because they outlawed fluoride..."

Surfers who figured we reached peak polarization after Filipe Toledo’s second little wave world title* at Lower Trestles woke up with heads spinning, this morning, as a wild new divisive debate presented itself. The Durango Telegraph, which finds its home in Durango, Colorado and has been published since 2002, published a fiery query in its famed Ask Rachel column.

Dear Rachel,

I will be graduating from dental school. I want to go to Florida because I love to surf. My dad said go to Utah because they outlawed fluoride, and cavities are going to go up and there will be a lot of money to be had. He said old people in Florida have false teeth so no need for filings. I said Florida also outlawed fluoride. So what state do I choose?

– Tooth Brush

Surfers, near and far, immediately pitched into two camps. Those who were backing Utah celebrated the no fluoride mandate while also touting Zion Shores. Those who were backing Florida also celebrating no fluoride while also touting Typhoon Lagoon. The debate growing fiercer and more personal as it raged.

Thankfully, Rachel chimed in with her professional opinion, responding:

Dear Chomper Doctor,

I grew up with a dentist who loved the ocean. I mean LOVED it. The office was wallpapered in nautical motifs. The shelves had ships’ wheels and miniature lighthouses on them. He had boats (no thanks to me—I flossed!) and loved deep sea fishing. One problem: we were landlocked. Which is to say, in my mind, a dentist can afford to go surfing whenever he wants, no matter where he is. Go where your heart tells you, unless your dad is paying off your student debt.

– Rinse and swish, Rachel

Not helpful, tbh.

What are your thoughts?

"The Margaret River and its significance is really important to the Wardandi people of the region..."

Surf fans are holding aching necks, today, and seeking skilled masseuses as the World Surf League’s abrupt 180 degree turn has caused a troublesome spot of whiplash. Up until very recently, the “Global Home of Surfing” was on the right side (read: left) of all important social issues. The LGBTQIA+ community celebrated, marginalized communities uplifted, indigenous populations honored.

A futuristic wonderland on the bleeding edge of performative progress.

Then, seemingly overnight, a hard jerk to the left (read: right). Surf contests in petro-kingdoms where queerness is a crime, surf contests in Central American countries busily constructing mega-jails to hold brown-colored “enemies of the state” without trial, tour surfers publicly celebrating alignment with incel icon Andrew Tate.

And, now, allegedly turning an aboriginal burial site in Western Australia into a bus parking lot for the Margaret River Pro.

According to the Australian Broadcasting Corp., the Karri Karrak Aboriginal Corporation, which represents more than 600 Wardandi, Piblemen and Kaneang people in southern WA, has claimed its concerns over cultural heritage issues were outright ignored.

Chontarle Bellottie, the corporation’s director, shared, “The Margaret River and its significance is really important to the Wardandi people of the region. So that site itself has been subject to a heritage survey on the actual site, and in these reports it states that there is damage and erosion. [The reports say] any sort of continued use of that can cause further damage and erosions to the site. As a director of the Karri Karrak Aboriginal Corporation we were devastated about the impact that this could possibly have on our dreaming stories burial sites, particularly when you set some activity up on a site that could be avoided. And it can be avoided when we talk and we openly respect that there is an Aboriginal heritage site.”

WA Aboriginal Affairs Minister, Don Punch, disagreed with the assessment and declared everything was fine and dandy, adding, “I’m also advised that traditional owners from the local area were consulted by World Surfing League and full support was provided by the Undalup Association for the proposed use, in line with their support for the event in previous years.”

The World Surf League, for its part, simply noted that it received all necessary permits and approval as “advised by the state government.”

One year ago, Surfing Western Australia became in trouble for “unauthorized use Aboriginal heritage sites” at Margaret River and issued a formal apology “for any distress or inconvenience caused by our actions.”

This year, I guess, nobody cares anymore.