"He ran her over, screamed at her, beat her with his paddle, jumped on her board, grabbed her by the hair, and shoved her under water.”
Morro Bay, CA, is a sleepy, guano encrusted fishing village on a vast natural bay with a cooling onshore summer flow that draws herds of diabetic, Croc slapping Okies from the likes of Kelly Slater’s Lemoore and the stultifying heat of the Great Central Valley. Just a quick Subaru trip up Highway 1 from California Polytechnic State University, it is centrally situated on the Pacfiic edge of the windscoured mystical Central Coast- a bucolic, undulating landscape dotted with black angus and live oaks, spined by the Santa Lucia mountain range that gives way to blankets of vineyards and horse ranches eastward. “Not LA Not the Bay” the bumper stickers inform. Surf curmudgeons recall it as spawning iconic and dazzling recluses like Dave Parmenter and Nate Tyler from among its gnarled crew of underground chargers and journeyman shapers hardened into cyncism by ephemeral swells and nuking NW spring winds.
Morro Bay is widely recognized for the 581 foot volcanic cinder plug known as “the Rock” or the “Gibraltar of the Pacific” that sits furthest west in a chain of cinder plugs known as “The Sisters.” The towering peak is a sacred site for the Salinan and Chumash tribes, a peregrine falcon sanctuary, and stands sentry over the bay-entrance to the south. In the purpled evening light the Rock casts its looming shadow over the lineup below- a swirling cove churning shapeless peaks that form and reform up the strand of inconstant sandbars. It’s prominence and abundant free parking has made it destination primo for vulnerable adult learners- Cal Poly co-eds on Costco soft-tops, hull-curious hipsters, early-retired silver fox SUPers and the occasional goat boater, all brave it’s icy water and its propensity for shark attacks (even on Christmas Eve). But in this moment it is Trump’s Fascist Takeover™ casting shadow over the communal stoke melee.
Andy Gustafson, 59, was stand up paddle boarding Saturday morning, August 23rd, when four women gathered to live, laugh and love their best life, paddling into the misty morning to get their equal share of 2-3 foot windswell. One of the women became entangled with Mr. Gustafson as she dropped in on his wave when, unfortunately, “he ran her over, screamed at her, beat her with his paddle, jumped on her board, grabbed her by the hair, and shoved her under water.”
“You know da rulez,” Mr. Gustafson may have said.
Mr. Gustafson was arrested by California State Park police and transported to San Luis Obispo County jail where he was booked “on felony charges of attempted murder and assault with a deadly weapon, and misdemeanor charges of assault and battery.” His bail set at $500,000, has kept him in lock-up. Yet, a mere week ago Cashless Bail may have permitted his release. SLO county jail is overseen by pro-gun extremist Sheriff Ian Parkinson, notorious for his refusal to enforce state lockdown orders during the COVID-19 pandemic and the arresting of Black Lives Matter protestors exercising free speech for racial justice in the middle of the 101 freeway during the morning commute.
It is unknown if Mr. Gustafson is a member of the Salinan or Chumash people or a Sierra Club Guardian of the Peregrines, and if this has anything to do with his ongoing detainment. And so far there is no word if Senator Chris Van Hollen (D-Maryland) intends to fly to San Luis Obispo to visit with Mr. Gustafson, as the Morro Bay Man remains separated from his family in county lock up; the senator’s office was not reached for comment.
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Blocking any freeway such as 101 is far from “exercising free speech”.
Great job Magnum. A literary star is born.
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Conveniently CMC is just down the street
Should’ve been a lot more head dunking in the past 15 years there. Place hasn’t had a pecking order since W was president.
Im lookin northern beaches but feelin Minnesota
Sounds like a normal day at grunters “prado mums” butting heads with sups and foils
Bail dropped to 25 grand. Judge probably a fellow janitor.
Spastic journalism https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I understood the assignment.
Crime would go way down if they outlawed paddleboard paddles, just use a pool noodle.
maybe put the National Guard on the shore too.
Please reach out to Elo to get comment on how this has affected the stand up paddle community
He’s moved on. Sup riding was simply a phase for him in his evolution as a top notch wanker
Solid work Magnum. By way of reward here’s Zeus, Apollo, and a jar of peanut butter. Godspeed!
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If only those women had known about the world class spot right up the road, this all could have been avoided.
“Some surfers chase the perfect wave. Others know exactly where to find it: right here in Cayucos, where the morning fog parts to reveal peaks that would make any wave rider’s heart skip a beat. This is where the crowds thin out and the magic begins, just north of Morro Bay’s bustling breaks. Here, your board meets waves shaped by decades of tidal rhythms, all under the watch of one of Highway 1’s less crowded beaches. ”
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I hear, on a groomed long period swell you can here it closing out all the way to Atascadero.
The thunderous reverberations echoing up Santa Rita canyon get me waxing up my most proven mini-gun for straight handers.
As a dick dragging youngster I lost count of the close out barrels I conquered in Cayucos.
Wait, some barrels don’t close out?
Hopefully the judge is as comfortable with handing down long sentences as you are.
I feel seen.
Morro Bay is just too dangerous to surf. The risk isn’t worth the reward. Beware.
Morro as the story develops.
The Bay calls the day.
That’s a cricket bat.
not in a frat house
Thank you sir! May I have another?
Kook on kook crime is sort of a bittersweet affair for me.
Going to prison over knee high six second wind swell. Way to keep it real Gus.
booking log says he’s 5’5. lil SUPer probably thought it was well overhead
would put some $$ on fact that Monsieur Gustafson is actually the author of this piece…
Beachgrit – zero sensationalist editorializing – only reliable narrators
lol
Whoever the author is, they suck at writing.
Right to the heart. I will persist.
You should. My opinion doesn’t mean shit in reality.
I’d gladly wager however much you have.
Central Coast Justice right up to the point where he got arrested and charged with attempted murder.
The Central Coast should have a lower level charge indicating that he was just letting her know that he could murder her. Punishment: released by police.
We are eagerly awaiting comment from members of the AZHIAZIAM crew.
Too busy printing beer cozies and trucker hats.
crank up the Bootsie Merango!
I don’t know what that is but my guess is some sort of early 2000s rap metal that’s gets central coast surfers pumped to tackle Mouse Rock(along with a bump or two of morro bay local crystal).
It was Mike ‘AZHIAZIAM’ Jones band. Covered Newcleus ‘Jam on it’ (with only two surfers on the central coast worldly enough to know of it’s Brooklyn Bed Stuyvesant origin).
So I was 1/2 right. Did they stick to the original’s electro essence? Or did they add some rippin guitar riffs? Summer of 1985 or 86, the ONLY black person on Avila Beach that day was playing that song. Some cracker yelled that he needed to put on some Van Halen or he was gonna put a bullet through his boombox. Ahhh. I miss the central coast.
Nailed it!