Surfers cheer wildly after “Sharpiegate” meteorologist confirmed as NOAA chief

Alabama the new Hawaii!

U.S. surfers awoke in a celebratory mood, this morning, after learning that Neil Jacobs had been confirmed as chief of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration following a Costco-style Senate vote. Frustrated with being hampered by Democrats, Republicans recently changed rules allowing for mass confirmations very similar to Sun Myung Moon’s Unification Church weddings.

Jacobs, anyhow, in the mix and what a thrill. The nondescript middle-aged man burst onto the scene in 2019 after altering an official map, with a Sharpie, to make it look like a hurricane was supposed to hit Alabama.

Hurricane Dorian, if you recall, was rushing up the Atlantic in early autumn causing much consternation. Trump claimed Alabama was in its path, sending Alabamians into a tizzy. Though the data showed that the Heart of Dixie was never in danger, Trump is right about everything and so Jacobs pulled out a thick black marker and made a few adjustments.

At his hearting, Jacobs said of the incident,  “there’s probably some things I would do differently” adding that he would not sign off on inaccurate statements due to political pressure.

Surfer, though, know well that a zebra cannot change its stripes and are already planning a campaign to squeeze Jacobs into declaring Alabama as one of the most wave-rich states, thereby throwing adult learner-hopefuls from the midwest off the scent.

NOAA, as you are well aware, is in charge of buoys etc. that help surfer decide to know when, and where, to go.

Alabama.