US surfers’ worst fears come true after man falsely accused of decapitating seal by NOAA

"A bad omen leading into big wave season..."

It is middle autumn in North America, that time when placid summer seas begin bubbling to life as storms begin to swirl in the Pacific and Atlantic, pushing swell toward surf-starved shores. Surfers from Portland, Maine to Portland, Oregon pulling rhino chasers from rafters, lovingly cleaning last year’s wax away and reapplying fresh and ready, checking the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association website for detailed buoy data, calling the hotline for up-to-the-second knowledge.

Except this year, might they be fed a diet of silly misinformation?

When Trump stormed into office this past January, he set his sights on government spending, unleashing hatchet man Elon Musk to gut federal agencies via his DOGE.

Amongst the hardest hit, NOAA.

Surfers from Orange County, California to Orange County, Florida instantly worried that big swells might go underreported, little swells over. The horror of showing up on Big Wednesday with a fish or Flat Friday with a gun.

These worst fears manifesting last week.

Just over a month ago, you see, the understaffed NOAA received a report from a woman in Monterey, California, one Rashelle Diaz, that she saw a man and his daughter leaning over a seal, poking it with a knife and later decapitating it. Being forced to blindly trust instead of investigate, due likely shortages, NOAA posted a picture of the suspect taken by Diaz, offering a $20,000 reward.

Well, it turns out the man is Jason Bietz who hails from Hanford, very near Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch. He identified himself, days ago, to clear his name, and denied the whole business, saying he wasn’t even carrying a knife and never decapitated no dang seal. NOAA, feeling embarrassed and bad, forced to declare, “The individual has been located, and it was determined that no marine mammal parts were removed from the beach. We thank the public for their help and concern in this matter.”

A big ol’ misunderstanding.

Bietz, though, left holding the bag, as it were, just like you are going to be holding a fish on a 4-foot 20-second interval day and I am going to be holding a gun on a 1-foot 10-second day.

Egg on face.