"I could have told him, 'It's ok' but I didn't. I looked him square in the eyes and said, 'It's terrible.'"
I just got done with a pretty awful surf. It was cold and grey, small and lumpy. There were some sets but they were weird and mostly closing out. The sky was cold and grey and windy. It is also Memorial Day so very crowded. I barely found a parking spot but did and paddled for 45 minutes, or thereabouts, catching two lefts and one right before thinking, to myself, “What am I doing? This is terrible.”
A bigger wave broke outside and I debated duck-diving it and catching one in but decided to just belly to the shore in the soup. I walked back to the car in an unemotional state neither high nor low. There was a surfer, maybe mid-30s, with his wetsuit up, though not zipped, parked next to me and he asked, “How is it out there?”
Now, I could have told him, “There are a couple fun ones.”
I could have told him, “There are a few corners.”
I could have told him, “Felt good to get wet.”
I could have told him, “It’s ok” but I didn’t. I looked him square in the eyes and said, “It’s terrible.”
And it was like I had told him that his beloved dog had died or that the results were in and he had Alzheimers. His eyes drooped, his mouth turned down and his shoulders slumped. Without a word, he slowly walked toward the beach with his head hung. As mentioned, he was already fully suited, minus zip, and inertia is what it is.
I drove home not knowing if I should feel bad or not.
You told him alright, then he gets to come here and read about it..
We are left to wonder if he came back to his Tesla, pulled out his water vessel to rinse off his board that rested on really cool surfboard stands, while he sashayed around in his fleece poncho? Oh and then he rinsed off his feet, after taking off his Crocks….
My favorite to parking lot hopefuls is “eh, it mind-surfs good, but once you’re out there, you can’t see it from far away.”
My local has been completely overrun by covid adult learners and yoga dorks all riding longboards. Its a sad state of affairs. I hope I live long enough to see surfing become un-cool again. I need a HamSammish now.
Catching a wave in on your belly is the ultimate kook move no matter the conditions.
Add, it was fun when I paddled out, but..
Nothing better than saying “its shit out there!!” to deter from a bank that’s actually been firing!!
Not surfing shitty waves when it’s grey (it wasn’t cold, you’re in SD) has made my surfing and life so much better.
Teach me.
It definitely wasn’t cold.
It took 30 years but I finally learned to stop forcing sessions that just aren’t there. I’d never, ever paddle out now when it’s miserable. Those sessions just made me miserable, questioning life choices, etc. Fuck that.
i need to take this in on a molecular level.
especially in southern california.
The questioning life choices is horrible
This story just served to generate an appetite for a genuine non-ironic surf tale from Chaz.
Authenticity is hard for the writer who uses irony as a crutch. Like the comedic actor avoiding dramatic theatre. Charles would make light work if it I imagine. If someone has a link to previous work please provide
As I walked the dirt road at a north county state beach last Saturday observing surfboard stands behind Teslarians’ pristine EVs next to Subarus with similar board stands I wondered what Chas would say about these folks?
Why did you paddle in the first place? It should have been obvious.
The “crowded” and “couldn’t find parking” was a legit deterrent.
If I’m not getting at least 3 second barrels it’s terrible. People avoid me in car parks now.
north shore winter?
Bear on the jetty, wrapped in a blanket and cradling a bottle of port.
That’s just the lemon next to the lemon.
zionism is a death cult
I like the cut of your jib.
Ok so Manu Bay was definitely terrible for the comp
To be very clear. I wasn’t in the contest.
Haha ja I figured that out. But I seem to remember reading something from you about great waves in the comp. In reality it truly sucked and I really felt bad for the pro’s to see them surfing 1-2ft dribblers that even the German backpackers would say no to. Ultimately I love NZ and lived in Piha for 2 years in the 90’s, with multiple trips south to Raglan. The place is epic and I did get it pretty good on a few occasions (mainly at indicators) but all too often the wind was a dampening factor when the swell was on. Definitely not a Jbay or anywhere the level of consistent perfection needed to be labelled world class.
I said they had some great waves, Not world class. These Saffa’s crying “it’s not J-Bay” Yes, any surf fan knows this and only a retard wouldn’t want to see J-Bay on tour, but the reality is you guys didn’t pay all the bills for the contest and couldn’t get funding for this year. NZ stepped up. They both can exist on tour, it doesn’t have to be one or the other, but it was good to finally see the goofs going left on a skatepark left point.. It was a 10 day event with a pretty rare shitty forecast, yes some shitty tough heats but also some sick ones. If it wasn’t for the seven gill it would’ve been a pumping final, had many crew I know there posting up videos of some sick waves and barrels at that time, empty. Nuts really.
West Coast of NZ is super consistent as you well know, Raglan is tucked away enough to not get blown out by the southwesterlies so guessing you spent more time drinking and chasing tail in Auckland than swells! C
heck the time stamp on the final, near the end of the mens final…. Theres better waves in NZ, arguably even at Raglan itself but can they pull off a contest as well with how the tour is currently structured. Probably not. Woop woop Rio soon to look forward too. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Fair enough except I wasn’t chasing tail or drinking in Auckland much. More like changing nappies after my NZ girlfriend and I had a grom while we were living in Piha. That said I still surfed up and down the east and west coast of the north island heaps, often in empty decent waves. But sorry to say and I honestly don’t care if there’s a comp in JBay or not, the waves here are at a different level in terms of regular, consistent perfection, to what’s available in NZ.
No doubt Africa shits all over NZ surf wise. Not a flag waving dude, like I said I’m just happy to see a skatepark left on tour, been awhile.
You could’ve ignored him and broken into song while loading your board through the back window, something like this (courtesy of Fred Dagg, 1975)…
🎼🎵🎶 If I ruled the world
Everybody would have to buck up their ideas
Starting with certain people
Right round here
Including you
You ugly great fat beast 🎶🎵🎼
…and then just driven off still wearing your wettie.
any song would do, but try this from king crimson:
Cat’s foot iron claw
Neuro-surgeons scream for more
At paranoia’s poison door.
I’m a Twenty first century schizoid man.
Blood rack barbed wire
Polititians’ funeral pyre
Innocents raped with napalm fire
I’m a Twenty first century schizoid man.
Death seed blind man’s greed
Poets’ starving children bleed
Nothing he’s got he really needs
I’m a Twenty first century schizoid man.
I absolutely freaked out a guy parked next to me Saturday, who escaped family responsibilities for a few hours, by telling him about my summers spent as a drug mule back in the late 70s. He didn’t say another word until he left.
We’d be a force hanging out. Stories of you drug muling and tales of my life of addiction before getting sober 10 years ago. I love the looks on people’s faces I can elicit.
Congrats on 10 years! I suspect your rock bottom would scare most people.
Thanks man. I made a 180 in my career. Had been a sales rep in the hardware industry for close to 20 years. Now I do peer counseling and help facilitate folks getting proper care and staying clean. One of my lowest moments that I share was the night I decided to make nachos. My 42 year old naked ass crawling across my mother’s kitchen. Don’t remember how the nachos turned out. Thanks to my sister there was video.
Love to hear it! While I never hit true rock bottom, I had an event in Vegas in ’89 where I van surfed down the strip at 4am with a mixture of shrooms, cocaine and tequila streaming through my veins. The next morning I decided my ski bum career needed to end, I cut my hair, stopped doing drugs(except for the very rare shroom adventure) and a yr later I started my first corporate job. Oh and I moved in with the future Mrs Madeoff.
That’s because he’s fucking soft. I know for sure you did not feel one bit of bad – truth is truth.
Were you at raglan?
“It’s terrible but better than being slapped by Ashton Goggans.”
Ya shoulda been here yesterday.
one mans trash is another mans treasure.
…..and maybe he surfs better than you.
Hows your kids team doing? You lining up the world series?
playing in a national championship in OC (July).
Too young for the WS team.
he just got picked up by one of the best teams in Hawaii for next year.
When ,where? I’ll bring a big sign that says Go Team and a megaphone!
I could tell he didn’t.
you caught him practicing his pop-ups in the parking lot…didn’t ya?
There was a surf skater nearby and I associated the two.
Hey C4
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Owner told me that RR is vetting him for inclusion of Pliny
I really like the RR Pils. PtE is really good too.
Hopefully he can get a keg of Pliny the Younger next spring. That’s the one everyone wants to try, only available for a few weeks every year. I like RR Blind Pig a lot, also Pliny the Elder.
Should has just went for confusion.
‘There’s not not a couple’
The classic line from Shrek when Pinocchio, in full knowledge of his inability to lie successfully, when asked by interrogators if he knows Shrek’s whereabouts says –
“I can’t say where he’s not”
As I lay here after making questionable choices post-surf, it’s days like today that make me the worst version of myself.
Late night last night. Perhaps I applaud myself for getting up and going regardless… but nah. Some days are better to just call it.