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The surfer John John Florence, three-times a lady and still only thirty four, has lived a life, at least so far, that will be transformed into a glorious page in the history of humankind

The Curious, Jubilant Life of John John Florence, Explorer at Sea

Find the Florence's, John John, Lauryn and baby Dez, in the Turks and Caicos Islands, as content as cats with a trail of blood on their muzzles.

Do you look back on you life at this mid-point and see a vision of pleasure, of sacrifice and discipline and the fruits thus grown, or is your story a litany of weakness and neurosis with little harmonic resonance?

I started poorly, did well through the third decade before crumbling it all into a brutish pile, scarred by my own vandalism and driven by vanity. I judge my decisions with bitterness and a painful harshness though feel no self-pity or sadness, a detached curiosity at how quickly castles can melt into the sand.

There have been a few laughs along the way, howevs, and most of you have hung on for the ride.

In contrast.

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The surfer John John Florence, three-times a lady and still only thirty four, has lived a life, at least so far, that will be transformed into a glorious page in the history of humankind

A childhood both difficult and blessed, injuries overcome, a sport dominated, as the French say, from barbe au cul, now, a wife, a gorgeous child and a life lived simply on a million-dollar catamaran.

In his latest missive from the Atlantic, we find the Florence’s, John John, Lauryn and baby Dez, in the Turks and Caicos Islands, as content as cats with a trail of blood on their muzzles.

A NEW START IN THE ATLANTIC

Beginning one of John John Florence’s movies is a lot like curling up on the sofa with the Bayeux Tapestry. 

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As Jacques Cousteau said, and which certainly would include John John, “Every explorer I have met has been driven—not coincidentally but quintessentially—by curiosity, by a single-minded, insatiable, and even jubilant need to know.”

Essential.

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49 Comments
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Black Rubber

New boat is a weapon. Sheesh.

kona

The scary part about this is, you know what’s coming—the videos that are going to be released and exploited…..

Strayan Cunt

Being stuck on a boat for months on end with only your Misso for company is like my worst fucking nightmare. No catching up with the boys at the boozer on a Friday arv for beers and a pub feed and not even a fucking tv, can you even get porn out there? Fuck that

Sofa Surfer

It sounds awesome … for one week.

Anon

Some would say booze and pub feed with the boys and a tv is their worst nightmare, each to its own I guess

Strayan Cunt

Our differences are what makes life so fun and interesting mate

Rich Marx

I assumed he does some of the passages but mostly flies in and out while a crew sails it to destinations.

Rasta elder

Are you sure the Bahamas is in the Turks and Caicos? Not sure, please clarify. I can’t be fucked looking at a map.

Black Rubber

Bahamas adjacent. Same thing-ish.

Rocks local

hey Eli , realize you’ve had some hurdles these past few years , gnarly reef slam at Pipe , recovery etc , rough start to 2026 — but the good news is we’re finally going to visit a tropical reef break where you can really shine!!

and no worries, first round should be a breeze this time , you’re just matched up against some old ass wildcard , piece of cake, right!!??

Phil's Wart

A life well lived I’d say. Thank God he didn’t start out brilliantly only to fade to the vices and bad decisions sometimes life deals us in the cards . I remember seeing this kid around the North Shore when he was a grom . It was obvious he was on the rise from an outsiders point of view. A testimony to what a communities collective effort can do thus proving that there is truth in that it takes a tribe to raise a child.

Sean Connery

Personally…I wouldn’t want to be on a boat for that long but if it was between that and the WSL I would choose the former.

Barrelled

A boat is, BY FAR, the best way to access waves.

longtomssecondcuztwiceremoved

It is- absolute bitches of things to maintain though

Strayan Cunt

I am considering a name change 007 and have it down to a choice between Soft Cunt and Strayan Softcock, any preference mate?

Sean Connery

Strayan Softcock has a nice ring to it bud.

Sofa Surfer

This is my vote.

Strayan Cunt

We would have the same initials which could lead to some interesting misunderstandings haha

Strayan Cunt

I am hoping Barrelled does the same and chooses a more appropriate name. I reckon Seppo Head Dips or The Beachgrit Karen would be perfect?!!

Gwen Walz’s Eyes

Depressing watching a recent clip of John doing airs on 3’ waves during his boat tour with an 8’ plus swell on the way to Tahiti for the next comp.

Barrelled

Pretty sure they are long gone from the Carrib. hanging in the Marquesas, or at least the boat is.

Gwen Walz’s Eyes

I know that. Just saying I want to see him send it on the west peak

deeks

Dear John
John
you are a cunt , for not being on the tour , and for not hitting me up to go surfing.
get fucked

@surfads

Kissed on the dick, as they say

Chief Hot stuff

The kid can surf, fuken wave magnet.

Dogsnuts

Condolences to all the MAGA simps on here for Mitch McConnell’s death tomorrow you insufferable cunts that couldn’t admit fault in an eternity of sharted bumholes. Go fuck yourselves.
Xox

@TheRealJackMeoff

Never seen someone so inspired to see someone else die.
What a great human you are….

Dogsnuts

Are you actually stupid. He has already been dead for weeks.
Xox

@TheRealJackMeoff

Keep peddling those conspiracies like you do for your bumhole there champ. He is close but not there yet.
OxxO

Dogsnuts

Mate he is fucking dead.
Xox

@TheRealJackMeoff

That’s Lindsey Graham, Mitch still alive…

toofattosurf

‘alive’…

tim_nelsen

The new BG mod, my co-pilot on a supersonic surf search tour, just pushed the eject button for carrying non-patriotic commentators passengers who are not mindful of their continued blasphemy. Gone are D-nuts and Barreled. SC is on a tight leash. He’s the most creative of the bunch.

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Barrelled

But I’m still here Nut Butter.

@TheRealJackMeoff

What you’re still here buttering nuts?

Barrelled

You wanna go first?

@TheRealJackMeoff

You giving out freebies?

Barrelled

Only for angry little trolls.

@TheRealJackMeoff

Don’t be angry.
It’s just business.

tim_nelsen

use discretion on future posts~

snapper

Where is Sunny?
#AIlives
#doralives
#sunnylives

Dogsnuts

I’m bad for wishing ill on an evil empire? Your leader is demented.
Xox

@TheRealJackMeoff

Nah you’re not bad for hating on an evil empire, you’re bad for hoping for the death of a human being.
Like you say, try harder, be better…
oXXo!

Dogsnuts

He is already dead. They are hiding it. They are the evil ones. I don’t wish anything.
Xox

@TheRealJackMeoff

There is no hiding deaths, they are part of the public record.
More likely is he had a stroke rendering him highly debilitated, maybe paralyzed and unable to speak.
When he dies they will let you know when it’s okay to pop open the champagne bottles….oxxo

Dogsnuts

There is no hiding anything? Cool, can we have the underacted pedo files? Follow the money.
Xox

@TheRealJackMeoff

Shifting goalposts…

kona

‘All’ things will be made known one day—and brought to judgement.
No one-really-gets away with anything.

Dogsnuts

It’s true.
Xox


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