Did you have a rough week? Not as rough as this! Gold medal bad!
Imagine, for a few moments, that you are Mr. Lowell Taub. An ex-ski racer. A sports agent to the stars! Your roster includes the likes of ski legend Bodie Miller and skateboarding prodigy Nyjah Huston. Life is so good. Very good. All you have to do is pick up the phone and deals come rolling in.
“Mr. Taub! Budweiser beer here…say, we really love that Bodie Miller fella. Can we give him a million dollars please?”
“Mr. Taub! Monster Energy on the horn… Whitney Houston is the voice of her generation….. wait. Nyjah. Nyjah Huston has the look the kids love. A million dollars?”
You sit back in your ergonomically superior chair and say, “How ’bout two million?”
Oh it’s child’s play!
And it don’t end with Bodie and Nyjah. You’ve got snowboard icon Shaun White and swimming’s most eligible gold medalist Ryan Lochte.
Wait! Shaun White AND Ryan Lochte?
Oh hell! You just had the WORST WEEK EVER!
Let us revisit. You woke up on Tuesday after a fun extended weekend and there is Shaun all over TMZ and Deadspin for showing penis pics to the drummer of his band, making her watch dead bear porn and telling cab drivers that they “suck dick for a living!”
Definitely not an easy spin. “My client was… ummm… uhhhhhh… joking.”
Then, two days later while sorting through the various penis pics Shaun sent over, your Ryan Lochte gets busted for bald-faced lying about being tougher than his friends while getting robbed at gunpoint in Rio!
An even harder spin! “My client was… I think… ummmmmmmmmmm… joking.”
The weekend cannot come fast enough.
Whew!
What he needs now is a massive deflection – somehow he got to get Simone Biles fucking Zac Efron on a dead panda.
Then he will be sweet with those clients and can ask 5 mill a piece
If you had to print this article what type of paper would you choose?
That would be the 2 ply kind not that rugged cheap single ply crap that you get while using the public facilities. All kidding aside, I’d say beat this horse till it collapes.
Captain, how’s the SEC looking this fall? Or remind me, are you an ACC/FSU faithful? Is the best professional football team in Florida still an NCAA squad?
Without hesitation the best team in Florida is FSU. The pro teams suck, Florida gators do too, but I would look for Miami to be on the come up. Miami Hurricanes got Mark Richt as coach when Georgia, under pressure from their booster club, let him go. He is a old quarterback that played there and one hell of a recruiter. FSU will play Clemson again for the ACC and win. The Gators won’t make the sec playoff, Bama wins again under Satan’s reign.
Mum’s extended family are Gator faithful, fallen on tough times since the Tebow era. I think the fishing around them keeps them distracted on Saturdays, though. Wouldn’t mind Miami making it deep, they had great shootouts with the Big Ten powers in the early 2000s. Having former USC staff at Bama has enabled me to loathe the Crimson and their Forrest Gump-era offense more than ever. The hate? It keeps me warm inside.