Which voice would you want in your ear each night?
So who do you think has the best voice in surfing? Occy and his bogan rolled vowels? Joe Turpel and his smooth emptiness? Pete Mel and his dad next door? Rosy Hodge and her balmy South African? Gabriel Medina and his Godj Blesssssj Charliejjjjj? John John Florence and his Humble Hawaiian? Mick Fanning’s mom and her shrill protectorate? WSL CEO Paul Speaker and his voice of faux authority?
No!
It’s Laura Enever and very obvs.
Tell me, and tell me true, does anything beat a smokey voice? Raspy? Blonde?
NO! Nothing beats it and I’ll fight you to the death if you disagree. Listen below and if you still disagree then you had better sleep with one eye open because I’ll be hovering with a knife above your throat.
Matthew Perrin, formerly head of Billabong is in trouble! But for what?
Billabong’s ex-CEO Matthew Perrin’s life has just become a tabloid disaster. Messy divorce, charges of fraud, stealing homes, bankrupting families, affairs, pregnancy, etc. but I didn’t know any of that when I stumbled on a headline that approximated the one you see here. “Ex-Billabong CEO” and “I’ve done a lot of bad things” near each other.
And my mind raced. What could he possibly be talking about?
Maybe once producing boardshorts that cascaded far below the knee and looked like baggy skirts?
Maybe going on a spending spree, buying up UK surf shops at the dawn of Internet retail?
Maybe losing Graham Stapelberg, the greatest ever employee and pal anyone could hope for, to the World Surf League?
Maybe producing a sandal wherein the bottom could be used to pop a beer bottle?
But then I remembered they didn’t do that last one so read the story instead. Would you like to as well?
The then-wife of Billabong boss Matthew Perrin thought he was going to admit he had been unfaithful again when he confessed, “I’ve done a lot of bad things”.
But he replied “no, it’s much worse than that” and told her “I’ve lost everything”, including their $15 million, waterfront home.
Nicole Bricknell dramatically broke down in the witness box as she described how the multi-millionaire couple went belly-up after Perrin allegedly used the Surfers Paradise house as security for $13.5 million credit from the Commonwealth Bank.
Perrin and wife Nicole Bricknell allegedly made $33 million from their investment in the popular surfwear company in the late 1990s.
They enjoyed a luxurious lifestyle for a number of years that included overseas holidays, $10,000-a-month living expenses and the gift of a $75,000 car to her husband, she told the Brisbane District Court.
It all fell apart after Perrin allegedly used their luxury Surfers Paradise home as bank security. The former CEO is now on trial for fraud and forgery after allegedly faking his wife’s signature on the paperwork in 2008.
The couple had designed and built their property together as a “forever home” for them and their three children, Ms Bricknell said.
The trial had to be temporarily halted on Tuesday when she broke down in tears and began hyperventilating.
Etc. Etc. Etc. But wait. The gift of a $75,000 car? Do you know what a $75,000 car looks like in Australia?
Bad things indeed! Though Graham Stapelberg sure would look good in The Penetrator cruising the WSL’s Santa Monica neighborhood.
Don’t you think?
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The noted North Shore identity and founder of Da Hui, Mr Eddie "Fast" Rothman, at left, and well-regarded photographer, and Surfer magazine photo editor Grant Ellis.
Rumor: Fast Eddie Chases Surfer Photo Editor off Beach!
And not just any photographer but Surfer photo editor Grant Ellis! Maybe!
Wind’s bad, surf’s shit, and I’ve spent my day chasing Finn McGill. He’s the most sought after sixteen-year-old boy on Oahu, jamming myself into his day has not proved easy.
I’ve spoken to his mother, she is a very nice lady. Very proud of her young son. Finn’s dad’s name is Mike. He invented the McTwist! But not really. Just two guys who share a relatively uncommon name. I know what that’s like. Finn’s Mike is a photographer, not the prominent 80’s skateboarder.
While I wait for Finn to find a few minutes between chats with far more prominent outlets, I figured it’d be a good time to dish a tasty North Shore rumor.
Everyone loves Rumours!
But I’m not talking about that kind of rumor. Different spelling. The American one. No ‘u’. Wherein I tell a story based on unreliable second hand information. Journalism at its finest.
Still a good kind, if not the best. And it involves Eddie Rothman. The world loves Eddie stories, right? Maybe not as much as they love Fleetwood Mac, but it’s still entertainment. Not a legendary 70’s rock album, but what is?
Why did Mr Rothman chase Surfer photo editor Grant Ellis off the beach? Was it due to the mag’s decision to not run a video of Big Island local, and shark attack survivor, Jimmy “Ulu Boi” Napeahi?
My sources say “yes.”
But what video, or rather, which video?
Probably not this one, since it was produced by Freesurf.
I don’t think it was this one, because it’s a few years old.
I hope it wasn’t this one. It’s pretty boring.
Maybe this?
I truly do not know. I only know two things: I could be totally misinformed, and this whole thing is nothing but clickbait. I have no idea what title Derek’s gonna throw on here, but if you’ve read this far, you got got!
And the trailer for his new film The Smiling Bag inspires.
Is there anything Dion Agius cannot do? Is there any hill he cannot climb? Wave he cannot slide? Industry he cannot slay? Island he cannot live on? (did you know Manhattan is an island? Did you know Byron is a cultural island?)
And you hater, you low bastard, you asshole. I dare you to watch this trailer and grumpily critique. I dare you to watch and find fault.
ASSHOLE!
Open your mind to art! And you think I’m joking? You think I’m being purposefully/ironically hyperbolic?
Well you are wrong. The angles, interludes, music, cast, staging, direction and editing here are as good as I’ve ever seen in a trailer. The turns alone…
The turns!
Have you ever seen this many full-throated turns in a modern surf film trailer?
Have you?
LIAR!
I told you already that you are an asshole. I was right then and I am right now.
There is nothing to hate here. Only things to love. Only, hopefully, the future of surf.
But I would too, if I were the Almighty. What has the Lone Star state contributed to this world besides anguish? Besides Rick Perry?
Texas ex-governor Rick Perry sucking a corndog.
And so he has taken away their one bit of joy. Their wavepool.
Austin’s local NBC affiliate reports:
The 14-acre surf park just outside of Austin will not reopen anytime soon, after damage under their lagoon caused them to close on Oct. 31.
NLand Surf Park, which opened Oct. 7 following a round of legal delays, was forced to drain their lagoon to make the needed repairs. Neighbors said the drained water flooded nearby streets. “It was full of water, I couldn’t even walk through here,” said Patricia Garcia, referring to her driveway.
“[The city] let us know about this and we immediately addressed the issue. We take every opportunity to be good neighbors,” NLand spokesperson Chris Jones wrote in an email to KXAN News at the time.
Monday, the park sent out a message saying they will not reopen this season, but did not include specific dates.
“While this is disappointing for us all, we turn our focus to 2017 and the exciting plans we have in store. One hint: hops,” founder Doug Coors, whose relatives started Colorado-based Coors Brewing Company, said. In an email to KXAN, a spokesperson confirmed there will be a brewery on site sometime in 2017.
And so God is turning Texas’s one bit of joy into beer. It makes sense doesn’t it though?
