Which voice would you want in your ear each
night?
So who do you think has the best voice in
surfing? Occy and his bogan rolled vowels? Joe Turpel and his
smooth emptiness? Pete Mel and his dad next door? Rosy Hodge and
her balmy South African? Gabriel Medina and his Godj Blesssssj
Charliejjjjj? John John Florence and his Humble Hawaiian? Mick
Fanning’s mom and her shrill protectorate? WSL CEO Paul Speaker and
his voice of faux authority?
No!
It’s Laura Enever and very obvs.
Tell me, and tell me true, does anything beat a smokey voice?
Raspy? Blonde?
NO! Nothing beats it and I’ll fight you to the death if you
disagree. Listen below and if you still disagree then you had
better sleep with one eye open because I’ll be hovering with a
knife above your throat.
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Ex-Bong CEO: “I’ve done a lot of bad
things!”
By Chas Smith
Matthew Perrin, formerly head of Billabong is in
trouble! But for what?
Billabong’s ex-CEO Matthew Perrin’s life has
just become a tabloid disaster. Messy divorce, charges of fraud,
stealing homes, bankrupting families, affairs, pregnancy, etc. but
I didn’t know any of that when I stumbled on a headline that
approximated the one you see here. “Ex-Billabong CEO” and “I’ve
done a lot of bad things” near each other.
And my mind raced. What could he possibly be talking about?
Maybe once producing boardshorts that cascaded far below the
knee and looked like baggy skirts?
Maybe going on a spending spree, buying up UK surf shops at the
dawn of Internet retail?
Maybe losing Graham Stapelberg, the greatest ever employee and
pal anyone could hope for, to the World Surf League?
Maybe producing a sandal wherein the bottom could be used to pop
a beer bottle?
But then I remembered they didn’t do that last one so read the
story instead. Would you like to as well?
The then-wife of Billabong boss Matthew Perrin thought he
was going to admit he had been unfaithful again when he confessed,
“I’ve done a lot of bad things”.
But he replied “no, it’s much worse than that” and told her
“I’ve lost everything”, including their $15 million, waterfront
home.
Nicole Bricknell dramatically broke down in the witness box
as she described how the multi-millionaire couple went belly-up
after Perrin allegedly used the Surfers Paradise house as security
for $13.5 million credit from the Commonwealth Bank.
Perrin and wife Nicole Bricknell allegedly made $33 million
from their investment in the popular surfwear company in the late
1990s.
They enjoyed a luxurious lifestyle for a number of years
that included overseas holidays, $10,000-a-month living expenses
and the gift of a $75,000 car to her husband, she told the Brisbane
District Court.
It all fell apart after Perrin allegedly used their luxury
Surfers Paradise home as bank security. The former CEO is now on trial for fraud and forgery after
allegedly faking his wife’s signature on the paperwork in
2008.
The couple had designed and built their property together as
a “forever home” for them and their three children, Ms Bricknell
said.
The trial had to be temporarily halted on Tuesday when she
broke down in tears and began hyperventilating.
Etc. Etc. Etc. But wait. The gift of a $75,000 car? Do you know
what a $75,000 car looks like in Australia?
Bad things indeed! Though Graham Stapelberg sure would look good
in The Penetrator cruising the WSL’s Santa Monica neighborhood.
Don’t you think?
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The noted North Shore identity and founder of Da Hui,
Mr Eddie "Fast" Rothman, at left, and well-regarded photographer,
and Surfer magazine photo editor Grant Ellis.
Rumor: Fast Eddie Chases Surfer Photo
Editor off Beach!
By Rory Parker
And not just any photographer but Surfer photo
editor Grant Ellis! Maybe!
Wind’s bad, surf’s shit, and I’ve spent my day chasing
Finn McGill. He’s the most sought after sixteen-year-old
boy on Oahu, jamming myself into his day has not proved easy.
I’ve spoken to his mother, she is a very nice lady. Very proud
of her young son. Finn’s dad’s name is Mike. He
invented the McTwist!But not really. Just two
guys who share a relatively uncommon name. I know what that’s like.
Finn’s Mike is a photographer, not the prominent 80’s
skateboarder.
While I wait for Finn to find a few minutes between chats with
far more prominent outlets, I figured it’d be a good time to dish a
tasty North Shore rumor.
Everyone loves Rumours!
But I’m not talking about that kind of rumor. Different
spelling. The American one. No ‘u’. Wherein I tell a story based on
unreliable second hand information. Journalism at its finest.
Still a good kind, if not the best. And it involves Eddie
Rothman. The world loves Eddie stories, right?
Maybe not as much as they love Fleetwood Mac, but it’s still
entertainment. Not a legendary 70’s rock album, but what is?
Why did Mr Rothman chase Surfer photo editor Grant Ellis off the
beach? Was it due to the mag’s decision to not run a video of Big
Island local, and shark attack survivor, Jimmy “Ulu Boi”
Napeahi?
My sources say “yes.”
But what video, or rather, which video?
Probably not this one, since it was produced by Freesurf.
I don’t think it was this one, because it’s a few years old.
I hope it wasn’t this one. It’s pretty boring.
Maybe this?
I truly do not know. I only know two things: I could be totally
misinformed, and this whole thing is nothing but clickbait. I have
no idea what title Derek’s gonna throw on here, but if you’ve read
this far, you got got!
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Film: Dion Agius is a cultural
treasure!
By Chas Smith
And the trailer for his new film The Smiling Bag
inspires.
Is there anything Dion Agius cannot do? Is
there any hill he cannot climb? Wave he cannot slide? Industry he
cannot slay? Island he cannot live on? (did you know Manhattan is
an island? Did you know Byron is a cultural island?)
And you hater, you low bastard, you asshole. I dare you to watch
this trailer and grumpily critique. I dare you to watch and find
fault.
ASSHOLE!
Open your mind to art! And you think I’m joking? You think I’m
being purposefully/ironically hyperbolic?
Well you are wrong. The angles, interludes, music, cast,
staging, direction and editing here are as good as I’ve ever seen
in a trailer. The turns alone…
The turns!
Have you ever seen this many full-throated turns in a modern
surf film trailer?
Have you?
LIAR!
I told you already that you are an asshole. I was right then and
I am right now.
There is nothing to hate here. Only things to love. Only,
hopefully, the future of surf.
But I would too, if I were the Almighty. What
has the Lone Star state contributed to this world besides anguish?
Besides Rick Perry?
Texas ex-governor Rick Perry sucking a
corndog.
And so he has taken away their one bit of joy. Their
wavepool.
Austin’s local NBC affiliate reports:
The 14-acre surf park just outside of Austin will not reopen
anytime soon, after damage under their lagoon caused them to close
on Oct. 31.
NLand Surf Park, which opened Oct. 7 following a round of
legal delays, was forced to drain their lagoon to make the needed
repairs. Neighbors said the drained water flooded nearby streets.
“It was full of water, I couldn’t even walk through here,” said
Patricia Garcia, referring to her driveway.
“[The city] let us know about this and we immediately
addressed the issue. We take every opportunity to be good
neighbors,” NLand spokesperson Chris Jones wrote in an email to
KXAN News at the time.
Monday, the park sent out a message saying they will not
reopen this season, but did not include specific dates.
“While this is disappointing for us all, we turn our focus
to 2017 and the exciting plans we have in store. One hint: hops,”
founder Doug Coors, whose relatives started Colorado-based Coors
Brewing Company, said. In an email to KXAN, a spokesperson
confirmed there will be a brewery on site sometime in
2017.
And so God is turning Texas’s one bit of joy into beer. It makes
sense doesn’t it though?
