Kelly Slater allegedly reveals the secret!
Have you been to Florida? I have and driving from base to tip of that generally sweaty phallus altered my deep-seated prejudices. Altered them to the point where, preparing to leave for home I thought, “If someone held a gun to my head and said, ‘You are moving to Florida, cunt*.’ I wouldn’t even be upset.”
Before touching down in Orlando, I thought Florida was home to Castro-hating Cubans, Confederate flag-loving crackers, hurricanes, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Ernest Hemingway’s cats and very small surf. Oh, of course I was right but it is also home to so much more. The Scientology Sea-Org headquarters, strip clubs, Cracker Barrels, the University of Florida and Florida State University, Ron Jon Surf Shops, a statue of Kelly Slater and so much more.
But speaking of that statue of Kelly Slater, you know that he hails from Cocoa Beach some few minutes north of Melbourne, which is where the Hobgoods are from (I think) and some few minutes south of New Burna, where Aaron Cormican is from, which is almost near Ormond Beach, where Lisa Andersen is from, and I could pretty much go on all day.
And how so many good surfers in Florida? The surf is very small and also not good. How such star power?
Well, I was told a story today from someone who knows Kelly Slater well. This person said, “Kelly says the reason that surfers from Florida are so good is because the waves are super fast and dumpy and so you have to pop to your feet crazy quick to even have a chance to get down the line. Florida surfers have this ability better than any other surfers and it translates to Pipeline and everywhere else he says…”
Now, I have no way of knowing if Kelly really said this or something like this or if the person was confused. I plan on asking him but in the meantime, do you think it is true? Is it why Kelly is a Pipe Master? Why the Hobgoods are untouchable in the heaviest Indonesian reef passes?
Should we all move to Florida even without guns pressed to our heads or getting called “cunt*”?
*The Inertia has a fine story about getting called a cunt but the website spells it “c*nt.” I encourage you to read I Got Called a C*nt by a Grown Man.
nah…just surf lost winds every day. btw…Cracker Barrels are everywhere
Wow! Cunt fiesta..
I dont really have instant control of how and when posts appear are deleted or approved… so just delete what you don’t like yourself as I don’t have the time to clean up your impulsiveness.
If you look to the right of your avatar there is alittle arrow, click on that and DELETE should pop up… that’ll kill your comment.
The up vote is for liking Queensland’s own XXXX. Given what I’ve heard about Florida, it seems fitting that Floridians, and indeed Americans in general, would like it. You know, given its popularity with people who can’t spell ‘beer’.
Kinda makes me want to visit…
I thought you were quitting social media Sean?
tarpon
Good for you. I wish you all the best.
Negz, I’ll send you $100 to block this tool from BG ^^^
I can be bought!
WOW!! I normally get up at five and go to work?
WOW! I would most definitely see a doctor and show him your posts. You have a wife and a kid and you’re getting stoned nude and trolling?
Sean…Go to the doctor please.
I get more toobs in FL than CA. I also get more waves. CA smokes FL in waves long enough to do lazy roundhouses on a hypto krypto though.
say high to MR from me , but why did they let the La Jolla group by them out..greed?
Capitalism is so passe now , so whats next when all the big blokes fall?
Shit I thought Florida was Donald Trump land , as that’s who got this great man into power , and as he says there is no use for the environment except to make $’s , that PB council approved the rezoning , and now lets get this pool going!
I think its $100m all up for the surf ranch theme park , with a Trump Plaza , MAGA!!
Relax. We’ve all dipped our cocks in there at some stage. Some liked it and stayed, others have more sense.
So tell us who is responsible for the downward spiral of the surfing industry and now the obvious rebranding of surfing as a clean , suit wearing , not swearing , corporate juggernaut?
1) the media gone soft?
2) The WSL ?
3) the Public Co’s?
4) The Pro surfers who have Kow Towed to the WSL?
5) the milleniums ?
6) Us forum dwellers who talk no respect , but are wearing suits while we type our inane comments here?
7) or all of the above?
Where’d you buy your suit?
I actually waited outside a well known Media outlet , bashed some poor bastard who worked there on his way home and left him with my loin cloth , and am now trying to get a job in the surf industry!
Have heard SurfStitch need some help balancing the books. Can you count to 100? If so, give them a call. Drop the words Vertical Integration when you chat to the nice lady and you should be GM by next week.
A loin cloth? Do you wear yours as well as Chas? https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Twat? Twat was that you said?
I cunt hear you.
ah now we are getting down to the nitty gritty , so Kelly has left , but now says he might live at Ziify’s near the new 16 acre wave pool which will have waves up to quadtriple high . you will need to be a member , so the riff raff can’t get in , but as the membership is similar to Maro Lago , now that’s giving back…employing the local’s as…??
ah spoil the thread with some facts , so did Chas just visit Orlando, as a possible venue for launching his pro career?