Can't decide between going to the Surf Ranch Open or the Bali Pro? Let the hotels sway your choice!
Five days ago, the price structure for hiring the Surf Ranch was revealed. Cheap? Depends who’s asking, $US11,500 per person for two days, a video compilation of your eight or so rides included.
And, two days ago, after Martin Daly’s famous boat, the Indies III announced its 2018 prices, it made for a fascinating comparison. With airfares to Indonesia, the cost was identical.
Two days in Lemoore or two weeks on a charter boat in the Mentawai Islands?
The same BeachGrit reader who sent in the Indies III price-list also sent a comparison of the main hotel in Lemoore, the Tachi Palace, and Hotel Komune in Bali, which is the go-to-joint in Keramas, where the WSL’s other high-performance event will run in May and June.
Now if you’re a surf fan, and I presume you are because you ain’t here for the titty, you might be drawing up your travel plans to attend either the Surf Ranch or Keramas events. Both promise a level of performance, and gymnastics, unlike anything we’ve seen.
Filipe? Gabriel? John John? Italo? Can you even imagine?
Now, you’re gonna need a hotel.
So what’s it going to be? An Indian casino, touted as the “most luxurious bingo hall in the state” famous for hosting World Extreme Cagefighting and Tachi Palace Fights or a beachfront pool party stuck atop the dunes at Keramas?
Tachi, which is a five-minute drive from Surf Ranch, promises “Airy rooms with painted accent walls, free Wi-Fi, flat-screen TVs and minifridges” as well as free valet parking, a gymnasium, slots, bingo and table games. And a buffet.
Rooms start at around $US100 per night.
Hotel Komune promises: “a hypnotising view of the world famous Keramas surf break. With its pristine volcanic beach, this beachfront Bali resort offers a wonderful experience of spending leisure time in a natural luxury hotel. We feature 66 impressive 4 star rooms and suites and 5 star beach front pool suites and 1, 2 and 3 bedroom villas.”
Rooms start at $US200 a night (including tax) and run up to around six hundred a night if you need two private pools and two villas (Yike. I just checked. They’re sold-out already, to the famous contestants one would presume). Plenty of the cheapie rooms, however.
Booking during the contest window also gets you a VIP pass to the Bali Pro. Not that you’ll need it, of course. The (waveless) pool is…there.
Now. Where you gonna stay?
Swore off FB a few years ago, never felt better. I did google ‘rooftop gardens sanur’ and saw some really gorgeous looking setups. Props on being involved in cool stuff like that!
Ha I only check BG every few days.. biologically I am male, but mentally I am as firey as a brash surfmom that talks shit from the pier while my 4 junior pro kids snake everyone. A true salty industry bitch.
At least at the wave pool you won’t be competing with 36 assorted wave hogs and associated hangers on. Your waves will be scheduled, which I suspect is very important if you’re enough of a fuckwit to afford it.
Is molestation really included in that base rate?
That is actually really rad.
Thanks girl! Us ladies gotta look out for one another.
Prob indo, need a new bin tang singlet. And I know that my hard earned aussie dollar is going to some needy corrupt dude in indo who is only ripping me off cause their gov pay is shit. Or does that sound like America? It’s a tricky call…
A good buzz?
Alright, now I’m just mostly confused about how we got from hot wings to jizz in the blink of an eye, but then again I’ve never been to Indonesia …
Book a ticket now!
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
But Tachi Palace, on the other hand, pours blank white cardboard boxes of commercially manufactured, genetically engineered, heavily-breaded detritus into dirty deep fryers, and serves it piping hot alongside cool tankards of macro-microbrews and tough men beating the snot out of one another. Let’s see your kale do that 😉
I heard ‘’The Ranch’’ is gonna have a casino and become the new better Vegas…
I don’t let Human Resources people stay at my joint. Too uppity and eager to write formal complaints.
That is the obvious site, they’ve got to be looking, don’t they?
thats the shizzle
What a great time for the neighbor of Surf Ranch to open a Dude Ranch. $88 gets you 3-5 days, nearly free WiFi, hay rides to the casino and a bandana.
If I get to jump the fence for a slash to top the pool up at night, then hell yeah !
Yeehaw
I wanna open a whore house for all the rich VC’s and corpo dads to let off the aggression they’ll no doubt be feeling after blowing it in front of Kelly Slater for two days straight.
May I propose that for all upcoming events, Longtom is sent to cover the contest and Chas is sent to cover the accommodation? Hotels could then buy advertising space on BeachGrit and Derek will no longer have to work as a glassy at that local
This would actually be quite enjoyable I think.
I mean, let’s face it, Chas does his best work when he’s not writing about surfing.
how long till Chas jumped the table on me you reckon?
You might might jump the table on him when he does an unfavourable review on your Billabong travel bag and Velcro wallet combo
depends on whether you scuffed his loafers
I have very deft footwork.
wat, chas does his best work when hes surfing about surfing
As long as a choking incident at Check In is part of the package.
I see a colab with Rusty Crowe in the future!
I’m going with the Tachi Palace, because according to Google Maps it’s just a 15:38h drive to my own bed when I walk out in a methed-up homesick rage.
We all need safe space sometimes
Komune is the obvious call, but not necessarily for the reasons presented in this article. Choosing between an over priced rave hotel on a dirty beach in Bali or a moderately priced hotel in a dirty desert isn’t easy, but is made easier by the fact that you’re far more likely to put your dick in something in Bali than in Lemoore. I’d pay $100 a night to share a cot in the janitors shack at Komune for the odd chance at a sweaty romp with one of those european wanderlust types.
What kind of surf mom are you?
Duh, the best
You like surf moms with dicks too? Oh we have … so much…in common!
Surf moms with Dicks would make a great title for follow up to Wednesdays with Bob.
My schedules open should anyone need an interview..
Not sure about Moms, least of all Moms that surf, but Bali sure has a lot of girls with dicks, and a lot of surfers that don’t go there to surf…
Do you love when a pal says he lost his phone in Bali? The CWD gang love to take phones!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Fuck mate – no need to go further afield than your own hunting grounds.
brush paint an old pv in slime green or purple – spray paint “lucy is girl”
then “i knew many times” – in bubbles. and eh voila – mont mon visage
u r in
guaranteed, best of luck, a
only downside is you may need to hang around a bit, talk a whole lotta shit and eat 2 min noodles more than you want. but hey – all for love and conquest, right
Aye, captain
Careful, my mate got throat cancer from growling out some euro chick with herpes.
Dang that’s rough.. thankfully I mostly prefer just puttin my penis in women these days. That mouth shit was cool when I was younger and chicks I messed with had less miles.
Spoken like a true Mom!
Firm, but nurturing
If anyone’s interested you can stay in my bungalow in Torquay for $15 a night and surf anywhere between Point Lonsdale and Johanna totally alone. If you need me to turn up to car parks with you and frighten kooks with my pellet rifle that’s an additional $5 per car park. Can also get you the finest discount contraband on request.
That is a mighty fine offer and hard to refuse !
Throw in a fight with a few fisho’s at the pisser and I’m in
Has anyone here ever punched on with a bloke fishing in front of the only decent bank? I’m interested in gauging what level of violence is acceptable.
Na but I foul hooked some cunts grab pot once and did the only respectable thing and raided the three bucks inside, nek minute the owner of the pot come charging round the corner in his centre console fucking screaming at us and waving a gaff.He couldn’t beach the boat and he wouldn’t swim in so we ate mud crab sangas for lunch an swapped the other 2 for a fifo of hygey happy days.
If he nogs you with his sinker then, hmmm it’s like comp surfing – whatever it takes.
err, that said, just make sure you’re a tougher cunt than he is.
Question: can you identify the Kai Neville movie where Jordy Smith is thwarted from surfing an empty beachbreak because of a fishing contest?
I have no idea but will guess Bending Colours?
Do you think Kai Neville admits to Bending Colours on his CV? And, no.
It’s Lost Atlas! I win a trip to Komune?
I’ve wrestled with this same scenario just days ago..if they are there first and it’s small,I stay away.if it’s pumping I go straight out where it’s best ,it’s is usually way past their casting range anyway
One time I nearly decapitated myself in the shorebreak. Like you I wasn’t really angry about it. Felt embarrassed I hadn’t seen it to be honest. Just some wog trying to get some dinner. Can’t really knock it. It’s the nips in the camo wetsuits drowning in the rock pools that pisses me off most.
Was surfing a little righthand rip bowl in Bondi one morning, some ex junky looking type was trying to fish in the same rip. He was yelling at me to move because I was scaring his fish. Gave his line a yank after a wave to wind him up. Then when I came in he whacked me across the chest with his fishing rod.
Dude. That’s officially an assault.
Officially.
O-fish-ally.
See what I did there?
Officially
…
I have, There’s times in florida where there is only one rideable sandbar. The lifeguards usually blackball it and let dudes fish. I was arrested for ignoring the flag,when confronted I said ” I’m colorblind just looks like a black flag to me” when the lifeguard said “it doesn’t work like that” I said no but sand blindness does and picked up a handfull of sand and threw it in his face ( I was 15) Now lifeguards are technically cops where I live so I ran back out into the water and waited for it to get dark. At dusk I made a run for the car park and was clotheslined by two actual cops and arrested for
*surfing without a leash
*assault on a county official
My mom came in the local police depot and threw a cocaine powered fit ( it was night and she had sunglasses on and was higher than chas at a donna koran show) Yelling about how my lawyer was already on his way, He really was,Only black lawyer in town,came in and I dunno what he said but I was out in 20 minutes. I’m 32 now and when I get pulled over the cops still ask if “I’m going to call my mom” to which I usually say,Fuck yeah! & discount Johnny Cochran. (He is actually REALLY expensive)
I remember that fashion show; Donna kept saying – No, Givenchy. To which Chas said – Jivenchay. – Try it again, Givenchy. And it masterfully went on half a dozen more times…
P.S: Do you get pulled over that often?
yes, small town and surfboard builders have a rep for growing weed,so yeah I get pulled like 1/10 times I drive.
BUT WAIT!
Are you really colorblind?
Depends,are you a cop?
I’ve never been so insulted!
You have to tell me if you are,it’s like the law ( I’m aware that’s a myth perpetuated by police so that they can lie and arrest you after your guard is down,discount johnny cochran helped me with that one)
Isn’t coke super cheap in florida?
Nah just like everywhere else you get what you pay for,above average on the norm but if you want the real your still paying 100$ a g…or so I’ve heard
I actually got hit by a sinker on a cast then jagged on my calf by the hook by some absolute fuckwit about 20 years ago. First he literally tried to wind me in!!! I was gesticulating wildly before he realised!!! I was fucking fuming on the beach and tried to snap his rod in half!! All managed to do was seperate ends and tangle up his line before leaving blood streaming down my leg.
Hahaha classic. Should’ve made him eat a cuttle bone while you sat and watched.
Yeah wish I was more violent my mate was pissing himself laughing tho
We don’t fish on sandbanks we fish in fucking gutters. any fisho on a bank is a kook.
Doesn’t surprise me.
Depends what you’re fishing for.
Ending up sharing an A frame bank with two Medocain Fisher/ Hunter types and after a shaky start I explained I would be back everyday 3hrs before high tide and promised to surf only lefts . They ending up being like bouncers frightening others away and the rip bowl left hung around for 4months .
There was this guy that would shoot the pier and grab the fishing lines. And sometimes a pole would follow. It was funny the first few times. But eventually someone got mad, a thug fisherman ran down to the beach and waded out into the line up with a gutting knife and his pal had a real® gun .
But the surfer simply paddled into deeper water and the gun guy could only wave and brandish. Screaming like ‘Yer yeller! Come back here.’ Another laughable part was the knife guy was about to throw his weapon, but gun guy stopped him as they busted scorpion “Get over here!”
They went back to fishing, acting like nothing had happened. The surfer kept paddling down the beach. The life guards didn’t do jack, but eventually the police showed up and got them. However the pair seemed to lose their weapons, because they tried to run. When the doughnut eaters caught up, the pair were on drugs and took a lot of cops and tazing to get the job done. And the surfer was long boarder too.
I missed a lot of rideable waves while watching the drama.
I take it your south of the mason dixon line?
if it was florida that may have been me?
My neighbor has a tro on me. I need to go oz!!
Are you available for Easter? Is contraband really at discount prices?
Yeah mate. Weekends with Wiggolly. What’s your vice?
I like sunbathing on sheltered terraces, very cold white wine with ice, challenging historical what-ifs, toned arms, reading vintage maps, transparency and killing the things I love. Are these supplied or available for supply?
Yeah mate you’re actually pretty easy to please by sounds of things.
Theres nothing like an old map made of science and guesswork.
Yeah there is.
What a conversation kriller
Conversation?
There you go again
Fuck I’d have to consume a lot of ‘ice’ to enjoy white wine
Try “The Plot Against America” by Philip Roth – the Nazis win WWII etc etc
I’m taking you up on that. I’ll give you 30 bucks and smuggle in some crazy weed. Are the waves good there?
Let’s hope this question is rhetorical, otherwise we’re all at the wrong web site.
Yes it was a largely rhetorical question. Although you never know. I found Tachi charming and exotic.
Drew Kampion started once of his pieces (circa late 70s), “Hawaii is like a rotting paradise …..”. This title now belongs to the once beautiful island of Bali.
I’ll watch Keramas, but by christ there ain’t no way I’d ever want to be there.
Specially when the comp is on.
Yeah, how much no fun did it look to be the guy sitting in the lineup with some sponno cunt getting towed in at 4 foot Keramas?
The only use for a jetski is for tow ins on sweepers.
“Karma time, arsehole !”
fuk they get me going.
Grab their little paddle and insert – blade first
But yea – fuk jet skis too. Total fukn bs
Keen observation Nik Carol. I totally thought this was Expedia until I read your sage comment. Thanks for the guidance.