A war for surfing's very soul!
I am currently sitting at a reclaimed wood and steel counter right in the heart of Venice’s Abbott Kinney drinking a hot fruit punch and listening to a “digital archaeologist” who “unearths deep musical emotion from obscure sounds.”
Venice.
Hot fruit punch.
It really feels that blonde roasts have become so ubiquitous in fancy coffee world that nothing is bitter anymore. Only very very very sweet with notes of cherry, Sunny Delight and Gatorade. I mourn bitter’s loss. I love bitter which may explain my general tone. It is also why I will cheer for France this Sunday in the World Cup final.
Being in Venice means I am very near to Venice-adjacent and Venice-adjacent’s own The Inertia and sister publication Stab. I am also very near to Santa Monica’s World Surf League international headquarters.
Enemies lurk around every corner. Inside every farm to table cafe and wine bistro. I already thought I saw Stab’s Sam McIntosh out on the street but it turned out to be German tourist wearing some lug soled Maison Margiela sneakers instead. I’m more worried about stumbling over The Inertia’s Zach Weisberg since he is three-feet tall and easy to miss. It would be very embarrassing to accidentally step on him after everything I’ve put him through here. An unnecessarily personal insult.
Herr Paul Speaker doesn’t seem like the coffee type and I’m not planning on taking a Segway tour of Muscle Beach so don’t plan on seeing him. Soph and Backward Fin Beth are mysterious though I don’t think they day drink and I’m going to start that at the appropriate 10:30 am.
Enemies everywhere and I wonder, has Venice and Venice-adjacent ever seen such a concentration of surf media enthusiasts? For decade Orange County held the surf industrial complex in its iron grip and, in many ways, surfing writ large came to reflect Orange County’s values. Conservative, cloistered, without imagination. What will surfing become here? The Inertia is trying desperately to morph it into a version of sport sandal bouldering. Stab is attempting to… to… I’m uncertain, to be honest. That rudderless ship will eventually wash up somewhere though and it won’t be pretty. Likely lots of Corona and party pics.
The World Surf League wants it to be broadly digestible. Understandable, relatable, clean. There is probably much head scratching in the office as to why all surfers don’t want this.
Each of these futures scare me but I don’t know which scares me most. The World Surf League’s, probably, though I have no talent whatsoever in sport sandal bouldering. I would like to hear presentations from The Inertia, Stab and the World Surf League. I’d buy lunch and listen attentively. Too bad each is more spineless than the next.
10:30 am. Time to drink.
Sports sandals would nicely complement a hot fruit punch drink don’t you think?
ooooooh dreamy
Get yourself to La Cabana on Lincoln and Rose. Open till 3AM.
The Sultan of Swishy couldn’t make weight for a match with Chas The Jaunty Mincer of Meat and Beaches Smith. Can’t make weight for a match with Wigg’s neither. Postie soured like a lemon. Those were Sunny’r days.
I’m not impressed fuckwit.
Well this is a bit stalker from all sides. Carry on freaks.
I’ve visited various parts of California a few times, and I’ve got to say the whole setup is fucking weird. Like bad weird.
Like toxic invisible. Except you can see the effects writ on the warped melted psychological visage of the inhabitants.
Like all shiny and sparkling Barbie on one part, wobbling on a spring, and then more and more grotesque and Giger-esque as one goes round the back and starts peering under the tarp.
You guys can keep it. It’s cursed.
fun as hell.
Pretty much channel bottom.
Worst part is, Oz copies us.
I read that as “Ginger-esque” and started to feel a tingle https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
why are those chicks wearing diapers?
What I wouldn’t have given to have been shacked up on a deserted desert isle with Mary-Ann. Now I’m lusting for Gilligan’s jeans…
If sport sandal bouldering was a thing who would use the phrase “Send It!” more. Orange County or Venice Adjacent?
Venice is rad guys. There’s a foot high right sometimes there and the skatepark has more underaged girls wearing thrasher than Luke Davis has at his apartment.
This might be the best-ever Luke Davis burn. And that’s saying something!
lol I’m a fan of Luke, but this is pure gold
I have nothing against him, myself
Wasn’t pinning you as a hater at all! And I can totally see why he get’s the rap he does. If I wasn’t a tanned, fit, and mildly sexy little nugget of a surfer myself I’d be very critical of Luke. Since I like drugs and women, I can only applaud him for parlaying both the cards he was dealt and the cards he has earned. Dude actually rips and charges. The underage girl burn was too good though lol.
Not sure that’s a burn? I have only jealousy for Luke Davis.
Why would anyone ever go to Venice? Italy doesn’t even have good pizza. Better to stick to what we know and love; mainly overcrowded right hand points, stepped-on cocaine, lifted 2-wheel drive trucks, karate stickers on our cars, OC Insta News, backwards Charger visors, Napoleon Dynamite memes, getting booted from Instagram because it steals the essence of our souls, and making fun of the WSL. Come home Chas, North County needs you…..
“My Heart Burns There Too”
“Sport sandal bouldering” – next level comparison. So valid I feel ill 🙁
My personal alternative surfing future: Children Of The Damned.
i prefer children of the corn, personally. you reap what you sow! women’s surfing DOES matter, fuckers. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I thought it would have been this? (Please tell me there is a warehouse full of them somewhere).
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
If you’re cheering for bitter, I’m not sure how you could have a MORE bitter population than any republic evolved from the former USSR and Yugoslavia. I think you’ve got to be a Croatia man to play the bitter card to its fullest.
Gut wrenching.
Just don’t tell Dave Rastovich . He comes across as the antithesis of the bitter fruit of Stalin and Tito ?
Rastovich is cheering for himself. And the Old World spelling of his name as “Rastović”.
or is it Rastovič ?
Is he Russian or Croatian? I dunno, but that’d settle it.
Does Weisberg surf? I picture him as one of those Merrell wearing faux mountain climber types that goes marked trail hiking at state parks on Sundays.
Inertia readers are the hiker/yoga/SUP post-to-Instagram type that’ll be the first to claim they’re ‘surfers’.
absolutely nothing worse than these “third wave” coffee joints trying to scam people into drinking light roasts. shit tastes like diner coffee but costs $6 for a “pour-over”.
dumb kids don’t even know better – coffee should be dark as a middle-aged surfer’s soul and thick like a plus-sized model.
i am not a fan of third wave, on the whole. dark, syrupy espresso ristretto. this is how coffee should be.
third world coffee on the other hand.
beans dried on the dirt. chickens picking out the bugs (and shitting on them)
brewed and served unstrained.
an gritty, eye wobbling dose of caffein and a sludge in the bottom of the cup you can stand a spoon in.
true organic experience.
sorry all you gluten intolerant fixie riders, if you can’t smell shit*, its not a real farm to table cafe
*animal shit, not your own bull shit.
I prefer my coffee thick as a mistreated G.E.D.-holding chola at an A.A. meeting, thank you very much.
Maybe the surf industry mediums gravitated towards the largest population of newbies… easy meat…. and miles of shitty beach break. What says “WSL” more than people new to surfing?
As such, you’re also in the realm of another dream tour operation. Waterways has been selling the dream, escapes from LA for those who know how shitty that little bay is. Wasn’t the WSL selling the dream too at one point?
Just typing the names of surf related business’ within a comment makes me feel like Nick Carroll. Product placement was a lucrative skill set and I’m always late to that kind of party.
But historians will note that the surf industry started in the South Bay, so maybe it’s just a nomadic return from Orange County. Who can blame anyone for escaping Orange County? Hasn’t the WSL effectively escaped Orange County?
And who could blame ol Chas for stopping in at Inertia HQ and asking the receptionist for some local surf info? Would the WSL office know anything about Bay St surfing? Are they aware that they are close to the ocean?… They must have questioned their ridiculous rents?
So trolling along the shores of DogTown, the new Billabong/ Quicksilver type industry rivalry incubates. Stab V Inertia is all anyone can talk about between set waves.
Of course, the WSL people stay agnostic around those two media giants. Maybe hosting an inner industry tennis tournament would break the ice? Or Zack could host a transformational conference for the greater outdoor community? Stab could do something. Anything?
And Chas is at the creation point as we read. Wow.
The future of surfing is in great hands.
Matt Warshaw is pissed (or vindicated).
nah just nostalic https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Orange County is gay, yes; but LA is the epicenter of kook.
OC = better waves, better surfers.
tldr
Meeting at Stab offices to come up with its mission statement:
Sam: Alright, the purpose of this meeting today is to come up with a mission statement for the mag. What do you got?
Ashton: Beach Grit is so mean. We can’t be mean….
S: OK, not helpful. What about this? “To create shareholder and societal value while reducing the environmental footprint along the value chains in which we operate.”
A: “… and post stories about bitten off penises.”
S: That’s good!… do you think anybody’ll know I stole that from Du Pont?
A: Nah. How does my beanie look?
S: Uh, douchey.
A: Perfect.
Chas: “I just can’t ve nice. Surfing is mean. I mean fun.”
Is Morgan still a fucken shit cunt?
Like Antoine Griezmann said “ Vive la France et Vive la République “ ! Allez les Bleus !
Lula Libéré !