Mick Fanning watches as years fall off beloved Pomeranian Harper.

Behold: Champion surfer Mick Fanning buys into miracle age-reversing dog-food start-up!

"The health of (dog) Harper is just as important as my health," says three-time king of pro surfing.

The three-time world champion Mick Fanning is quickly revealing himself to be the canniest surfer-investor ever, moreso even than the real-estate tycoons Luke Egan and Taj Burrow.

One month ago, Balter, the beer brand he started with pals was sold to the Asahi-owned Carlton United Breweries for a figure up to $150 million if sales targets are hit. For Mick, it’s a minimum four-mill payday. 

And, earlier today, Mick, who has crammed several lifetimes into his thirty-eight years, announced he was adding to his start-up portfolio, this time with healthy home delivered dog-food biz, Scratch Pet Food.

“The health of Harper is just as important as my health,” Mick told his one-point-two million followers, “but it hadn’t been easy to find a business who made decisions that way. Since using @worldofscratch, Harpers skin as cleaned up, her digestion has become amazing and she’s got puppy like energy again.”

The founders have got a pretty good story.

Mike Halligan is the former digital marketing manager for clothing brands Barney Cools and Zanerobe and Doug Spiegelhauer comes from six years as Operations Manager at a pet food biz.

From their site. 

“So far, not a lot in common. But they both love dogs. And they hate that Australians were getting charged mega bucks for dry dog food that was pretty average.

“Ground up dodgy meat, cheap ingredients, heavy bags, little transparency and 80% of it being headed up by two massive chocolate companies.

“Not on.

“They decided, they were going to fix it once and for all. From the supply chain right down to how it’s delivered.

Even if miracles don’t occur with your own dog, no lustrous skin, eyes velvety and nostrils healthily dilated, it ain’t a bad thing to reduce waste, get the industry out of the hands of factory farming etc.


Great White (pictured) feasting like a disgusting, amoral glutton.

Terrible mob of “monstrous” Great Whites descend upon hometown of Australia’s most beloved surfer, feast on whale in “orgy of flesh and blood!”

No respect.

At the very end of 2019, I thought for one brief second, that shark and man could live together in harmony. That there was a way forward for us. That we could dance a beautiful tango. The sun came up on 2020, however, and shown its light on a terrible mob of monstrous Great Whites, fifteen to sixteen feet long, very heavy in weight, who had descended upon the peaceful burgh of Yallingup, there in Western Australia, to feast on a dead Sperm whale in such an uncontrolled frenzy that onlookers described it as “an orgy of flesh and blood.”

But you know Yallingup, don’t you? Hometown of Australia’s most beloved surfer Taj Burrow?

Do you disagree?

You think Mick Fanning, Joel Parkinson, Mark Occhilupo, Rabbit Bartholomew, Jack Robinson have more fans, represent the Lucky Country better?

Oh, you are wrong, and much so. Taj Burrow, the perpetual bridesmaid, surfed like we all should, like we all would if gifted the greatest combination of skill, guts and panache. He surfed so good… excuse me, well… that he never once needed a World Title to prove his worth.

Confident.

Though I wonder if his confidence is slipping as he likely watched, through binoculars, those sociopathic apex predators ripping a stately whale to bits? We must turn to Australia’s 7 News for the gory details and try to keep our eyes all the way open.

Two great white sharks have been captured in a feeding frenzy by an astounded fisherman off Western Australia’s coast.

Jesse Gibson and his friend James Powley filmed the 40 minute encounter while fishing about 12 kilometres off Yallingup on Saturday morning.

The four and a half metre monsters were feeding on a dead sperm whale, taking turns biting into the flesh of the floating carcass.

Gibson told Sunrise the sharks circled his boat for about ten minutes before heading to their main meal.

“It made me a little nervous,” he admitted.

I should think “a little nervous.” I should think that I would never ever want to enter those waters again.

The imperial Sperm whale deserved better, don’t you think?

Deserved respect.


New Year, New You: Start 2020 off right by “oozing big-wave cred” with a “sophisticated, functional” work of art!

Dreams come true!

Now that the calendar has flipped for everyone, for us all, from 2019 to 2020 it is time to sober up and consider the changes we want to make in this new decade. How we would like to perceived by others. What we would like to see staring back from the mirror.

And there is one thing that we would all wear well.

More big-wave cred. Heaps more big wave-cred. So much big-wave cred that it oozes from our very pores.

But how do we get?

Of course we’re not going to paddle out at Maverick, Jaw or wherever, no. We are going to buy a Jeff Trotter Design Skin Surf branded as… “The synergy of style & sport. Surfboards, in a sophisticated and sleek neutral palette of crocodile inspired prints, that are both sculptural pieces of interior art and functional high-performance boards.”

Jeff Stone Trotter says, “I grew up spending endless summer days on the beaches of Santa Monica and Malibu, so coastal living has always inspired my design aesthetic. My goal was to design sophisticated, real boards, that function as beautiful works of art when they’re not out in the water.”

Elle Magazine promises, “The boards ooze big-wave cred, even if they never leave their perch above your mantle.”

Sold?

Buy here!


Love wins.

Watch: Russian diver shows us all a beautiful way forward by teaching “man-eating” shark to dance the Tango!

2020 is going to be great!

And the year is officially over, more or less. Fireworks have already brightened Sydney’s sky. Hong Kong had its firework show canceled due to the possibility of unrest though the wonderful folk in Baghdad picked up their slack and threw a wonderful party at the American Embassy.

But the most moving celebration happened in a Russian aquarium where two ancient foes came together, showing the world all the hope, all the beauty that 2020 might hold.

Oh you know how ghastly sharks are, Great White, Tiger and Bull, how they look to each men, terrorize children, hate people with a sociopathic zeal not seen since Dr. Hannibal Lecter starred in good movies but do you not believe? Let’s read together from the United Kingdom’s Daily Mail.

Visitors to an aquarium were treated to a show with a difference when a scuba diver started dancing with a shark.

Surreal footage shows the diver holding one of the animal’s fins while he wraps his right arm around it at the oceanarium in the Neptune shopping mall in St Petersburg, Russia.

The shark is seen floating in a vertical position while the unlikely dance partners slowly turn in front of astonished onlookers.

The oceanarium has 41 aquariums, containing 150 species of fish, sea mammals and other marine life, including 4,500 exotic and tropical fish.

Among the regular shows are ‘Feeding The Seals’ and ‘The Shark Show’ – which the diver here clearly seems to be participating in.

And do you have a tear in your eye too? Are you openly weeping?

I don’t know how long this detente will last but we should all enjoy and be the best us we can be for the next few hours.

Happy New Year to all!


Movie star bro's Chris and Liam Hemsworth, happy post-shred. | Photo: @urbnsurf

Blood feud: Woke longboarder challenges inclusivity bona fides of Australia’s first-ever public wave tank!

"Here is a woman making an enquiry about the types of surfing and female representation and you see that as an opportunity to attack her and take the piss out of minorities."

In a little over a week, the doors will be officially opened to Australia’s first public wave tank, a thirty-minute walk or two-minute drive from Melbourne airport.

The $A79-an-hour tariff  at Urbnsurf ($US55) compares favourably to Waco’s American Wave Machines tank at $A128 ($US90) although you will be sharing the little take-off with seventeen other shredders.

A series of closed sessions with high-profile surfers at the yet-to-be-completed venue has created a fantastic excitement. Most sessions listed on the site are full or almost full.

Not everyone is happy, however, especially when it was revealed two white male movie stars with strong faces and bodies like one of those Greek heroes, Australians who’ve made their names in Hollywood playing the sort of characters that repel and attract women in equal measure, had enjoyed a “mammoth ten-hour session.”

Woke longboarder Niamh Reilly (@_niamhre), no relation, writes on Urbnsurf’s IG, “I’ve seen very little longboard action on any of your advertising… I know you named the intermediate waves for ‘long boarding’, but so far it seems like an after thought. Any plans to show some alternative surfing ? Or is it just for shortboarders – and men? Where are the lady surfers.”

A cursory glance at promotional material associated with the tank reveals longboarders (Ben Considine, Harley Ingleby), girls (Tyler Wright, Sally Fitz, Nikki Van Dijk) and beginners sloshing around, the whole dazzling surf utopia, although Bristol did top Urbnsurf with a guy doing 360s on the shore in a wheelchair and a kid with no arms or legs.

The thread exploded into life, a rollercoaster of sparkling comedy.

Fabiano Teles, @greencandleoz, writes, “I agree with you. I’m here to represent gay & lesbian midget kaiak surfers. You are complaining that there’s not enough footage of women on longboards but I haven’t seen a single wave of a GLBTYZMD riding mini kayaks. Would you join my cause?”

Niamh Reilly shot back, “lol, no surprises or new material from the meat head bro club.”

Fabiano: “Don’t forget evil men on shortboards represent 80% of their target market and will keep the place up and running with their dirty $ so you can also also enjoy it with freedom and equality.”

Breakdancer Bradly Harrison aka @break.yogi, “@_niamhre literally, all you had to do was click on their IG page and scroll down 🤷🏼‍♂️ plenty of long boarders and woman.”

Fabiano: “They are pre-programmed to complain and attack “the enemy” first, without even checking and they think they are original and creative.”

And so on, until the riposte from @thelovesupreme:

“Here is a woman making an enquiry about the types of surfing and female representation and you see that as an opportunity to attack her and take the piss out of minorities. I really hope you won’t be an urban surf regular, that’ll be a sure fire way of keeping the women away.”

Men, repulsive like toads and especially so when sexually animated.

True, yes?