PANIC BUY: BENEVOLENT SURFING COMPANY SELLING EMERGENCY QUARANTINE PACKS FOR NINETY-NINE AMERICAN DOLLARS!

Pointless but cheap.

There’s something insidious about social media, destroyer to one’s finer feelings. The timid man becomes bold, the man who has never had an opinion about anything becomes full of them the moment he pecks at his telephone.

It’s especially destructive in moments like these when panic mongering becomes the order of the day, likes and shares the most tradable commodity of all.

Supermarket shelves have been vacuumed clean, helpless infants are drawing from the teat of empty bottles and there seems to be no ray of sunlight bursting forthwith.

With that in mind, we’ve assembled an emergency supplies kit, which is being sold at well below its manufacturing cost, to help you through this period of quarantine, compulsory or self-imposed.

For $US99.95, you’ll receive two medium-sized t-shirts (1 x white Ultra Hard Surf Candy, 1 x yellow BG logo tee), four tail pads  (1 x each colour) and a ten-pack of air fresheners.

Normally, this would cost $US370.

But these are not normal times.

If we didn’t accept our lot with cheerful humility where would we be?

Pointless, yes.

But cheap.

Click here to buy. 

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Sean Callahan
Sean Callahan
6 years ago

Shit, I with I had a hundred bucks rn…

Ed
Ed
6 years ago

It was All made in china and thus is contaminated

dickie toledo
dickie toledo
6 years ago

He replaced Rory parker

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Anyone but him.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
6 years ago

I wasn’t including myself.

But I see you’re still a fucking virus.

It’s no wonder it’s like the Mary Celeste round here.

astro
astro
6 years ago

So global warming is a real thing, Chazz ?
You’ve woken grumpy and a bit shitty with an early end to hibernation ?
Or are the bookies a no go zone in Jockland and you’re a bit fucked off about that ?
But yea – bex is a virus.

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago
Reply to  astro

I think you mean ‘virile’.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

I miss missing you.

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
6 years ago

Best cocktails in Paris!!

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
6 years ago

Stale and tired.

Change the locks. Re-issue 3 sets of the new keys only.

Delete the comment section.

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

Thanks I miss you too.
You’ll need to give me your address so I can send you some Hurluley stickers.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago

Also your home! And now you’re stuck here, per Gavin Newsom’s orders.

samwaters
samwaters
6 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Could I get a –“Dirk don’t Surf”–bumper sticker? Or —“Elo don’t Surf”— bumper sticker?…a 5 or 10 pack?— one for my car, one to put on someone else’s car in the beach parking lot (while they’re out surfing) one for the pier and beach restroom, the possibilities are endless……….. oh, one to put on the “lifeguard parking only” sign………

pubes
pubes
6 years ago

Who the fuck can fit into medium sized t-shirts?
Call them what they are Dez, crop tops.

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago
Reply to  pubes

You cut the logo part out of the t-shirt, and get your mom to sew it onto your stone-washed denim jacket.

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

BG battle jacket!

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

Extra street cred if no sleeves on denim jacket.

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Fenriz demonstrating correct battle jacket/battle vest etiquette. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

beachgrit
beachgrit
6 years ago
Reply to  pubes

Essential for the man with a beautiful tummy.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

But I’d need to buy 4 new boards
Can you throw in 4 new boards?

Kook Kahanamoku
Kook Kahanamoku
6 years ago

And 10 cars?

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

I just spent all my money on a new modem/router for the home office.

beachgrit
beachgrit
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

I’ve never heard of anyone buying a modem before,

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago
Reply to  beachgrit

You need the modem part to suck in the inter-nests.
The router part distributes that mouthful to the various tubes around the house.

It usually comes in one box these days, so you don’t really notice the separate jobs.

Edit. To be fair, $99 for 4 tailpads is pretty awesome. I could distribute the air fresheners round the streets to keep the plague auge at bay.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

I just got a free one from TPG and NBN. So fast.
Thai girls wild is getting a thrashing!!

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

Does Mrs Bexy approve?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Only when she’s at work.

Numbnuts
Numbnuts
6 years ago

Call it the “Boeing Special”.


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