Watch: Terror strikes northern California town as mountain lion stalks children weeks after Great White shark singles out woman!

Rules of war out the window.

Pacifica, California just south of San Francisco was most famous for being home of funnyman Rob Schneider until just three weeks ago when the town of just over 38,000 made news when a Great White shark singled out a female surfer, amongst a group of men, and attempted to eat her.

According to Bevan Bell, who was out amongst it, “I saw this big gray shape, just under the surface of the water, and that top fin, and the big shark went directly under her. The length of that sucker was like 8 feet. It went right towards her, and as the wave lifted her up [on her board], it literally went right under her.”

Terrifying and awful, only eclipsed by today’s news. For today it was revealed that a Mountain Lion is malingering around Pacifica, trying to eat children out innocently playing.

Local Timothy Kerrisk was watching the children when we realized an inappropriate Mountain Lion sitting calmly on his property along Mason Drive was also watching the children go back and forth.

Back and forth.

Kerrisk recorded potential nastiness on his phone and screamed for the children to leave.

The Mountain Lion jumped over a fence into the driveway and continued to watch the children, likely smacking its lips.

Kerrisk said, “I was terrified. I was really afraid for the kids and it was just pure adrenaline. I just came out and was like, ‘No, no, no, get, get, get.’ And I was just chasing it like you would like a regular cat, ‘Get out of here, get, get.’ And luckily it turned and just kept going.”

But where did it go? Maybe to trade notes with the Great White?

Coordinate an apocalypse that will leave only grown men in Pacifica?

Utterly terrifying.

Man bitten on shoulder by 10-foot Bull Shark almost immediately after entering water in “very rare medical crisis” for Florida Keys


Some places are luckier than others, I suppose, when it comes to experiencing very rare medical crises. They are entirely commonplace in New York City, say, or Los Angeles with much personnel and infrastructure at the ready. Emergency rooms, equipment, etc.

Not so common, apparently, in the Florida Keys which witnessed a severe and unprovoked shark attack, yesterday, by a likely 10-foot Bull.

According to reports, Andrew Charles Eddy, 30, from Atlanta was in the Keys vacationing with family and decided to jump into the crystalline water for a delightful snorkel.

Snorkeling, as you should know, is one of the most sublime activities on earth and generally under-appreciated but what could be better than floating on the surface, passively watching a most colorful tableau beneath?

Darling, it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me… except in the case of Eddy who was bitten on the shoulder before he even had a few seconds to enjoy.

The local sheriff’s office had received earlier information that there was a Bull Shark in the area but no one was fishing or chumming the waters where the attack occurred.

Eddy’s relatives and onlookers sprung into action and gave him first aid until he was airlifted to a Miami hospital.

“This was a very rare medical crisis for the Florida Keys, but everyone came together – including those witnesses on the boat to 911 communicators to all our emergency responders – in order to ensure this victim received life-saving care,” Sheriff Rick Ramsay said in a statement.

This whole incident is troubling as it appears as if the Bull was intent on causing pain and suffering while a human partook in the sublime drift. If Eddy had been surfing provocatively it would have at least made sense but snorkeling?


The Sport of Poets.

Something Henry David Thoreau would have done had snorkels been invented.


Fans of #25 WSL surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey explode on Reddit, “I just paid $85 for her ‘private XXX shower video with my nipples showing’. Her nipples are not visible at all!”

Satisfaction hard to come by at any cost… 

Earlier today, it was revealed that surf fans had become enraged by price gouging on Ellie-Jean Coffey’s new XXX channel, agreeing to the stipulated ten US dollars a month only to find the gate to explicit imagery closed unless an extra forty to eighty dollars is spent.

Now, thanks to a BeachGrit reader who directed us to a reddit thread on the topic, it has emerged that even spending sixty-five or eighty-five dollars doesn’t necessarily grant access to forbidden realms.

A brief sample of comments,

Sooooo is it actually topless? She says “fully tits out” for $65. I am thinking of taking the plunge but if someone can confirm…

Just echoing what everyone else has already said. I regrettably just paid $85 for her “private XXX shower video 🚿with my nipples showing”. Absolute lie. She’s wearing a white shirt and squeezing her tits but her nipples are not visible at all.

Okay, so I subbed to her website. She just send me a $80 video of her masturbating… I think its $80 down the drain, did anyone buy that video and can verify wether its any good??

don’t. her nipples are covered. total bullshit

She sent me a video of uncensored nipples, when I asked if it was nude or implied/covered nude! But the video is 65$, I’m not paying for something that could end up being bs….

What is remarkable, at least to me, is how many men are cavalier with their credit cards, squeezing extraordinary amounts out for the express purpose of a torrid solo moment, dispassionately gripping their weapons and twirling the snout violently against imaginary clit and vulva.

Still, you gotta laugh.

Below, my favourite exchange.

She just sent me a post saying she’s using her vibrator on her pussy, and charging $150 for it. Lmao what the fuck does this girl think she can get away with?!

 kinda curious about that one

An orgasm of the soul.

Disappointed fans claim price gouging as world #25 WSL surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey announces subscriber limit on new XXX channel and ramps up explicit footage: “OMG, I was caught masturbating on video!”

The old bait and switch.

Surf fans have complained of price gouging on WSL surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey’s new XXX channel, agreeing to the stipulated ten US dollars a month only to find the gate to promised explicit imagery (“Who wants to suck on them (nipples)?”, “Topless doggy style”) closed unless an extra forty to eighty dollars is spent.

“The ones you get for ten dollars are very PG,” writes one disappointed fan.

For instance, to enjoy “Was fingering my pussy, thinking of you” will cost sixty-five dollars.

(A similar instance is available for free on, posted one year ago, one-minute in duration, quarter of a million views. Low-res.)


“Taking panties off and nips piercing through shirt” will cost twenty-five dollars.


EJ Coffey, who is a former world twenty-five on the WSL’s qualifying series for women, caused much tabloid sorrow last year when she was the subject of a “lewd ambush” by the author of the best-selling biography of prime minister Bob Hawke. 

A terrible episode.

Enjoy the original interview that gave tabloid readers the vapours here.

And, if you’re still considering subscribing to EJ’s channel, be fast.

See notice below.

“Only letting in 100 more subscribers.”


Florida surfer-parents get lambasted for smoking “joints as big as cigars” while children learn from home: “You can’t do that!”

Florida teachers not happy.

It is difficult enough to be a surfer-parent, balancing the needs of young children with favorable swell reports, planned boat trips to the Ments with “da crew” etc. and now, with Covid keeping those young children learning at home, sucking up precious bandwidth typically dedicated to gazing at sunbathers on the beach etc. it is downright impossible.

Well, Floridian surfer-parents have discovered a solution.

Smoking “joints as big as cigars” while their young children finish online math tutorials and also drinking heavily.

Floridian teachers, obvious downers, are not happy.

Edith Pride, who teaches at Boca Raton Elementary School told Fox News:

“We need to make sure parents don’t get on the computer to help their children with joints in their hand and cigarettes in their mouth. Sometimes the joints are as big as cigars. You can’t do that! We’ve seen the parents in towels, we’ve seen them in underclothes, we’ve seen them in bras. It’s just inappropriate. The children can see it in the squares.”

Pride brought up her concerns at the school board meeting and other teachers chimed in with stories of 11 am beer drinking, partying and whatnot.

Surfer-parents have never been known for decorum but what are they to do? What solutions can there be?

Elysa Grossman, a Johns Hopkins University professor, and Susan Sonnenschein, at University Maryland Baltimore Campus, conducted a poll earlier this year and discovered that stressed parents are drinking more during the coronavirus pandemic, to say nothing of stressed surfer-parents.

“We found that parents who are stressed by having to help their children with distance learning during the COVID-19 pandemic drink seven more drinks per month than parents who do not report feeling stressed by distance learning. These stressed parents are also twice as likely to report binge drinking at least once over the prior month than parents who are not stressed, according to our results.”

Again, obvious but what’s the fix?

Where’s the solve?

Should local surfer-parents get together and form a collective where the children learn in one room while adults smoke, drink, wander nude etc. in an adjacent room with no connecting door?

What would The Dude do?

Much to ponder.