World champion surfer Rabbit Bartholomew
hospitalised on Gold Coast after snake bite: “Waiting to see if it
was deadly or had a chance to inject its venom.”
Australia, eh? If it ain’t the Whites,
it’s the waves and if it ain’t the waves…
Just one day after posting his commiserations re: WSL
commentator Ronnie Blakey’s snapped leg, world champion surfer,
former ASP head and almost state
politician, Wayne “Rabbit’ Bartholomew, has had his
own brush with mortality, hospitalised after being bitten by an
unidentified snake.
“Hanging out in hospital waiting to see if it was a deadly snake
or a non-venomous one or maybe a juvenile snake that did not inject
its venom. In Australia, they treat it as a worst-case scenario.
May the odds always always be with me.”
The Gold Coast is home to some real sons of bitches including
the deadly Eastern Tiger Snake, the Eastern Brown Snake (“fastest
acting venom in the world”) and the slightly less poisonous Red
Bellied Black Snake.
Spring, summer, real active times for snakes on the GC.
Bugs’ old pals had a field day on Instagram,
From Hawaiian legend Micky Nielsen, “Make sure it’s not COVID!
Everything’s COVID now days!”
Journalist and Whale Beach property
baron Jon Jenkins, “I had flashbacks to your thong
getting caught in the escalator at Sydney airport!”
More as the story, or poison, develops.
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Celebrity tributes pour in for WSL
commentator Ronnie Blakey after snapping leg in horror wipeout
during wild Kirra session: “Big enough to fold my leg in
half!”
Tributes have poured in for popular WSL commentator
Aaron “Ronnie” Blakey after he broke his leg during a wild
Kirra session on Queensland’s Gold Coast.
From Bob Hurley and Rabbit Bartholomew to fellow commentators
Strider “Attack-Dog Tits” Wasilewski and Rosy Hodge, the surfing world has been quick to
offer condolences, words of encouragement etc.
Strider: “Oh shit, you shred so hard you broke your leg!!!! WTF
my bro, heal up… I’m sure it was a monster lip.”
Bob Hurley: “Speedy and fantastic recovery my friend…i want to
experience you airing over me paddling out once again…let’s do
this.”
Bugs: “Sorry to hear Kirra was unkind, a lot of rainwater making
those lips collapse without notice Glad you got in ok, what an
ordeal. Heal well mate, you will be back for Snapper 2021, we can
share a wave in kiddies corner.”
Rosy: “Ah no Dawgie!! I’m sure u were hoofing it moments before
the catastrophe. Thinking of u pooch, rest up and I’m sure the fam
will pamper u.”
Ronnie, the one-time understudy to his perennially famous older
brother Adam aka Vaughan, writes, Quick Sunday mission to surf
Kirra gone wrong. Copped a lip to the outside of my leg. Tibial
plateau fracture. She packs a punch! Thanks to the legends that
helped out me of the water, whoever you are. Surfing spirit is
alive and well as far as I’m concerned.
Sexy break.
The photogenic and brawny forty year old will, likely, spend the
early parts of the new year imprisoned in hospital, strung up under
fluorescent lights on a steamy rack of desire and frustration.
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Breaking: World Surf League maintains
strict “cone of silence” around Covid-19 suspended Pipe Masters as
contest window draws nearer to a close!
The World Surf League’s website has had no
update since Friday, December
11th when the public was notified that CEO Erik Logan
and four others had tested positive for Covid-19 forcing
“suspension” of the Billabong Pipe Masters in memory of Andy Irons
presented by Hydro Flask.
Not one word.
Leaks have trickled out to bereaved surf fans, one suggesting
that the situation had
been resolved and the contest would restart
imminently, one suggesting that “progress” had been made with the
State of Hawaii though no definitive
action taken.
Which is true?
Neither?
A possible third way? Will the State of Hawaii extended the
permits and allow the show to go on?
The bereaved surf fan has no idea as the World Surf League has
maintained that the best offense is deafening silence.
But what sort of public relations strategy is this?
I’ve reached out to my internal sources, simply trying to
prepare for an exciting pickup, and been met with the same
deafening silence.
But what would you say the is world’s most picturesque
wave? Mundaka with that ancient church overlooking the
reeling left? Nazare? Teahupoo, site of the 2024 Olympic Games?
That one place in Australia with super blue water? Oh we surfers
suffer an embarrassment of riches but I would argue that the
world’s most picturesque wave is Fort Point, the wave that breaks
underneath the famed Golden Gate Bridge.
And it is here that we lay our scene. California’s north has
received a fine run of swell and a handful of hearty souls were out
at Fort Point when one of them, a bodyboarder, smashed his head
into a rock and became unconscious. Remember when we, as a group,
used to make fun of bodyboarders? Silly that we didn’t recognize
greatness. That bodyboarders are, generally, very brave and ply
their trade out of pure weird desire.
In any case, the bodyboarder smashed his head and would have
drowned if not for the quick action of two surfers, one of them an
off-duty paramedic, who spotted the body, rushed over and began
performing CPR while bringing him to shore where CPR continued
before he was transported to a local trauma center.
The story was told, and told well, in the San Francisco
Chronicle but there was some disbelief in the comment
section where one reader declared, “A ‘good job’ to the rescuers.
Technical point: It is unlikely that they were performing CPR while
pulling the victim to shore, as chest compressions require that the
victim be on a solid surface.”
Pretty rude to put “good job” in quotes, no?
Also haven’t the chest compression part of CPR gone out of
vogue? Or was that the breathing in mouth part?
Is Pipe going to run today?
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Mystery over WSL’s patient zero
intensifies: Covid-19 positive surfer Yago Dora says, “I’m no
typhoid Mary!”
A helluva lot of speculation, much of it unkind, about
“patient zero” after the Pipeline Masters was indefinitely
suspended following WSL CEO Erik Logan and four other WSL
staff members’ positive tests for the COVID-19 virus.
The question moistening lips: Who was surfing’s Typhoid Mary?
Erik Logan? Maybe Pat O’Connell?
Typhoid Mary aka Mary Mallon was a wild thing, oowee. Carried
typhoid but didn’t get it (asymptomatic), worked as a cook, left a
trail of dead kids and had to be locked up, on two separate
stretches, for twenty six years.
Earlier today, Yago Dora, the Brazilian who was released from
quarantine in Texas after ten days despite his COVID-19 test
remaining positive, has announced he ain’t surfing’s Typhoid
Mary.
Those are strict protocols i had to follow on my case, just
like everybody else does as recommended by cdc and Hawaiian state
government, if you have been tested positive and went into
isolation,once 10 days have passed and you haven’t shown any
symptoms, you’re no longer considered contagious and can leave
isolation after being seen and cleared by a specialized doctor, and
this are the health protocols for these kind of cases as
recommended by cdc. Dead cells of the virus can be found on your
test samples for more than a month even if after 10 days of no
symptoms you’re no longer contagious. I have so much love and
respect for the Hawaiian people and every year that i come here i
receive so much love and respect back, i would never in my wildest
dreams want to put anyone at risk of contamination, covid is no
joke and i’ve been following it very closely and trying to learn
the most i can about it. I emailed Hawaiis safe travels program
myself to know what kind of protocols i had to follow and what my
options were, i followed every single detail very strictly and only
on the 12th day of isolation i got cleared up to get on a plane. If
i meant any risk to anyone i wouldn’t even be allowed into Hawaii
and neither into the contest. All i did and will continue
doing is following strict safety protocols and i hope everyone else
is also doing it. If you still feel offended by my actions i
sincerely apologize, but i can assure you that i never put anybody
at risk at any time. Appreciate it Much love.
If it ain’t Yago, is it Erik, currently propped up on satin
pillows in his canopied emperor bed, hair a snowy heap piled atop
his ruined doll’s face?
Or Pat O’Connell, whose condition remains unknown but who is
still a stunner, even at forty-nine?
