Rumor: In lurid Medina family saga twist, Brazilian media reporting Gabriel’s mother had new wife sign secret documents when the surfer and model began dating!

Chas Smith

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"Neither of them know about the contents."

I have long considered BeachGrit to be the world’s greatest surf tabloid but shame, pure shame, has washed over me in waves as I have come to realize how shoddy we are and especially compared to Brazil’s gossip media.

They have sunk their shiny teeth into the Gabriel Medina family saga so deep, so enviously deep, and blood is oozing.

You have certainly been keeping up with the 1x World Champion first firing his step-father Charlie as coach then rumor and innuendo about various dramas bursting through the seams.

The latest?

Lingua Sogra is reporting that Medina’s mother had his new wife sign secret papers when the surfer and model began dating. Per the translation:

Another chapter in the controversy involving the couple. According to columnist Leo Dias, the surfer’s family had the model sign some documents as the beginning of their relationship – and to this day, neither of them know about the contents of the signed papers. Medina’s family would face problems with the city hall, adversity involving legalization and purchase of real estate and other tax issues. Therefore, the athlete would have hired a lawyer to review everything and resolve the problems with the Maresias district, on the east coast of Sao Paulo. Still according to the journalist, close friends of Medina claim that his mistake was to let the family always be in control of his personal and professional life. Although they all had separate belongings, everything was controlled by the surfer’s family. After discovering the illegalities, Medina would have even cut the allowance she was giving to the family. Tense isn’t it?

Boy.

It sure is.

Watch: Jamie O’Brien, Garrett McNamara openly weep as first-ever recorded mega-tsunami crashes into Greenland unridden!

Chas Smith

By

Missed opportunity.

Wade Gravy, Dylan Graves, Garrett McNamara, Jamie O’Brien and their legions of fans are in mourning, today, as it has been revealed that the first-ever recorded mega-tsunami has gone unridden.

The once-in-multiple-lifetimes event occurred on the west coast of Greenland after a giant landslide some 30km away caused a wall of water measuring over 100 m, at certain times during its journey, crashed into the rocky shoreline, gulping down fisherman and the filmer himself.

According to news reports no one was injured.

OceanInfo.com describes the phenomena thusly:

A mega-tsunami is a remarkably large wave created by the normal displacement of water that would cause a regular tsunami. The tsunami that occurred in the India Ocean in 2004 is often cited as an example. That wave was unusually powerful and wide-reaching. Due to the rarity of these occurrences, there is no single scientific definition of what a mega-tsunami is. Sometimes they are defined as waves that occur as the result of something falling into the ocean, such as a meteor or a landslide.

Remember when Garrett McNamara tried to surf a wave created by a falling bit of glacier?

Very cool.

‘Cutthroat savage’ who ruined surfer’s wave of the century at Kirra pens heartfelt note of apology to victim: “It’s like the feeling after a bender when you blacked out and found out later you did something you had no idea about!”

Derek Rielly

By

"Nothing I say can bring that wave back or take away the humiliation on my behalf."

Two weeks ago, lucky Gold Coast surfers thrilled to four-to-six feet of east swell, Kirra organising the lines into these wonderful green funnels.

And Mitch Parkinson, cuz to Joel and star of BeachGrit’s surfboard test series, rode the wave of the day, a tube filmmaker Justin Gane said had the potential to be one of the greatest rides ever ridden at Kirra – at least twenty-five seconds in the hole.

Of course, as vision shows, Mitch’s adventure was abbreviated when a man fell out of the air and into Mitch’s trajectory. Opinion was unanimous online, the drop-in a piece of cutthroat savagery etc.

“I almost felt bad for being angry at him, he was so rattled,” said Mitch Parko after.

Now, the surfer, whom we’ll keep anonymous ‘cause who needs the grief right?, contacted BeachGrit wanting to “explain my side of the story after being crucified by the surfing world for that wave at Kirra. I  would have pulled into that wave if I had not been so stunned and surprised someone was on it. I’m not someone to bail from a wave like that without reason. I would like to just copy and paste the email I sent Mitch Parko so you understand…”

The surfer also sent, at my request, a couple of shots to prove he can surf.

(Email below)

Hey lad,

I really wanted to explain my side of the story. I’m baffled if it was the wind and angle with people further up the shoulder that were paddling or because you’re such a wizard and were so deep behind the curtain I have no idea.

But the honest truth is, I had no idea you were on that wave when I made the decision to go, only to hear you when I was a quarter of the way down about to pull in. I was so surprised you were there and bailed because I thought you may have got around me to the next section.

It’s like the feeling after a bender when you have blacked out and found out later you have done something you had no idea about.

Firstly, I love surfing and have so much respect for it and don’t surf good or anything but have surfed long enough and around the world to never drop in on crew. If it was a fade or drop in I wouldn’t have even looked back or would have actually pulled in but I jumped off thinking you had a chance to make it around  so was not intentional at all.

Talk about the wrong place at the wrong time caught on cam. I know nothing I say can bring that wave back or take away the humiliation on my behalf. I’m going through some rough personal stuff in life at the moment so this is the last thing I need for my mental health and just had to clear it up.

I really hope you can put aside the anger and frustration to truly know I didn’t know you were on it and would never have done that if I knew someone was on a mental pit like that or just on the wave in general.

I’m sure you have done something in life that you never meant to do and hopefully believe and understand even though it’s easy to judge and think different from the footage.

Anyway, I  hope you can accept this explanation/apology and a couple cases of beer and put in the past.

A happy ending in the traditional sense, yes?

Photo: Chas Smith!
Photo: Chas Smith!

Breaking: In move certain to exacerbate already tense geopolitical situation, Ukraine becomes 109th nation to join International Surfing Association!

Chas Smith

By

The world is watching.

In a move that stunned politicians and journalists around the world, the International Surfing Association waded into the hottest geopolitical stew, yesterday, by announcing that Ukraine would be the 109th nation to join.

As Russia amasses its forces at the country’s eastern border, preparing for invasion, the ISA praised Ukraine’s many rivers and lakes which “provide ample opportunity to practice surfing and its various disciplines.”

The President of Ukraine Surfing Federation responded, “We are so happy to become a part of the ISA family. This is another important step on our way to developing surfing in Ukraine, not only as a cultural movement of like-minded people who found themselves in unity with the ocean, but also as an Olympic sport with a deep-rooted history. I am glad that now Ukrainian athletes who train both on our native waves of the Black Sea coast and outside Ukraine have the opportunity to participate in international competitions and proudly represent their country. I am sure, this step will give our athletes motivation to improve their skills and attract more young audiences to our sport and culture.”

While the ISA’s new tagline is “A Better World Through Surfing,” it is unlikely that Russia will be pleased. The current mess began when Ukraine tried to deepen ties with the European Union in 2013. I was in Kyiv weeks after the protests and wandered around the charred Maidan Square. Anti-Russian sentiment extremely high. Many checkpoints. Much mistrust.

The ISA will certainly be viewed as another “tangling alliance” pulling Ukraine past Europe all the way to La Jolla.

The situation will continue to be monitored and news reported as it develops.

Two-time world surfing champion John John Florence sings praises of Peloton bikes as company reels from revelation a kid was killed and forty injured by its treadmill as US regulators warn people to stop using the $4000 device!

John Miskelly

By

John John Florence puts muscle behind Peloton as company hit by very bad press.

Endorsements. One minute you’re in a mutually beneficial commercial relationship with a seemingly innocuous but respected lifestyle brand, the next you’re throwing together a desperate press release distancing yourself from god knows what scandal.

Two days ago, the two-time world champion John (John) Florence made an Instagram post singing the praises of his Peloton Interactive Inc. fitness bike, along with a promotional video in which he appears alongside various other athletes, most notable of all fastest man on earth Usain Bolt.

“When I had an ACL surgery in 2019, I got a Peloton bike to help with the rehab process, “ posts John (John). “Throughout my recovery I found myself using the bike all the time, and I’ve continued using it ever since for workouts and warmups. It feels like an honor to be mentioned alongside these athletes… I’m excited about this partnership!”

Peloton get the rights. John (John) gets the bikes. Surfline Man gets a nice big hit of dopamine unpacking another shiny new bit of kit.

A match made in consumer lifestyle capitalist heaven.

Everybody wins.

The system works.

But wait.

A few hours before J(J)F’s post a story appeared on various news outlets. A headline on The Guardian read,“US regulators warn Peloton users to stop using treadmills after child death.”

“The US Consumer Product Safety Commission said it received reports of children and a pet being pulled, pinned and entrapped under the rear roller of the Tread+ treadmill, leading to fractures, scrapes and the death of one child.”

A decidedly un-feel-good, largely contra-wellness combination of words.

Peloton Interactive Inc. responded saying the warning was “inaccurate and misleading”.

“There’s no reason to stop using the treadmill as long as children and pets are kept away from it at all times, it is turned off when not in use, and a safety key is removed.”

It should be emphasised that J(J)F only mentioned the Peloton exercise bike and not the child-mangling treadmills mentioned in the report, so there’ll probably be no back-peddling(!) from the two-time world champion anytime soon.

Still, the timing between the story breaking and J(J)F’s post – mere coincidence, or has surfing reached such a lofty status in the minds of Joe public it’s now deployable as corporate damage-limitation fodder?

Heady days.

Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
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