"Whatever you decide to do with this message is totally cool—ignore it, call the cops, call your lawyer—I completely understand..."
Every one of us, here, learned the surfing game from someone. An older sister, uncle, father, pal. For me, it was my Cousin Danny. I grew up, you see, on Oregon’s frigid central coast where waves lash and bash but there was no “surf culture,” or at least none of which I was aware or at least none which matched my childhood imagination of what “surf culture” should be.
My Cousins Danny and Mikey, though, grew up in Carlsbad where surf felt like it belonged. We drove south and visited them, most summers, when I was growing up and I couldn’t get enough, staring at the Surfing and Surfer magazines in their rooms. Wandering into wax scented surf shops with breath caught in my lungs. Paddling Warm Water Jetty and surfing.
Really surfing.
Cousin Danny gave me my first board, a rainbow twin fin, and I would gaze at it in my Oregon room, cold rain falling on roof, and dream.
The years rolled on, one after another, I became a surf journalist and Cousin Danny? Well he became one of the most prolific bank robbers in U.S. history. We were both raised as good Christian boys in a good Christian extended family with each of the uncles involved in the ministry, megachurch pastors and famous missionaries. It was a sort of evangelical Camelot so when I heard of Cousin Danny’s escapades I was shocked and amazed.
How?
How had he veered off the straight and narrow so… dramatically?
As fate would have it, he reached out to me via encrypted Swiss email whilst running from the FBI after hearing of my first dust up with Ashton Goggans, as it were, ending that first missive thusly:
Whatever you decide to do with this message is totally cool—ignore it, call the cops, call your lawyer—I completely understand and wouldn’t be upset in the slightest. The last thing I’d ever want to do is get you in trouble. I do know the cops are trying to find someone to email me with an embedded photo in the email, which would have metadata in the pixels, and as soon as I downloaded it, my location would be revealed, so I won’t open anything with photos, just FYI. And, you just don’t seem like the type who would turn me in. That may be due partly to your amazingly awesome podcast incident, fighting with that Inertia dude, defending your family’s honor, and disgust with his decision to file a police report. What a douche! That is podcast gold, my friend.
The result of our correspondence, plunging into family and family secrets, prying bank robbery tips from my Cousin Danny, turned into a book, Blessed are the Bank Robbers, out March 15 (buy here, here or at your local bookstore).
I will be chatting about it all live at Warwick’s in La Jolla on March 16 at 7:30 pm with David Lee Scales, midwife to the whole adventure from the get. If you are in town please come. I’d love to say hello.
David Lee and I also discussed Joel Parkinson’s mud adventures and the Facebook threats I received via Coolangatta. Not essential but also funny.
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gfRe: Barrel or Nah.
I frequently wear shitty rubbery shoe things that are kinda like crocs without the holes.
https://greenfingers.com/p2…
Had this pair for probs 10 years.
I’m long past giving a fuck what anyone thinks about my coolio street-cred. I mean… in what universe am I still trying to be attractive to 20-something hotties who’re the only ones who’d judge me for wearing them? ??
or the Mach-77 with the rubber fins you had to poke the holes with a screwdriver?
God is a gendered name. And in global context comes from an Abrahamic usage, where the Hebrew Bible presents God as male. And that version spread by dismantling Goddess worshipping cultures. This isn’t hard to follow and predates lame US political right wing tropes by thousands of years.
The intro hooked me, great work derek
Rated V for vodka
are you ok bro?
I thought the non surfing story within Point break was pretty good.
It’s a great movie, although the surfing parts are lame.
The movie at large is cult….the surfing is totally lame adding some spoof to the underlying comedic.
I’ll listen to this later…when Danny gets out of the clink.
…—…breaking ‘book’ news…—…
“Porko’s Guide to the Slip & Slide” has gone straight into Oprah’s Book Club’s top ten bestsellers list.
Porko scheduled to appear on Oprah’s show, then take his speaking tour to the world.
More ‘Guides’ due to be released…
I bet Grif is gonna start to encrypt his diary now.
Bodhi, I am an FBI agent.
Tell us more about 1980s Oregon surfing. Sharks? Leaky suits? Long paddle outs? Sunsets? Rivermouths? Points? Christian cults? And congrats on another book. Looking forward to its link being embedded in 40% of your next 4 months worth of “articles.”
You get a free wop with every book apparently
Probably shoulda started skating seeing what Oregon became with that!
He was running from the FBI?– Miki Dora was your cousin?
Chas, I (rightly) give you a lot of shit here about your lazy cut n paste stuff, but your books have been entertaining- good even. Looking forward to reading this new one.
cunt n waste
Is your cousin danny a free adaptation from the Clash’s Bankrobber ?
https://youtu.be/ttJBdr6eBuo
Wait, you had threats from Coolyghetto? What did they threaten, push you down a mudslide?
Porko threatened to waddle after him, with felonious intent.
A Christian boy with relatives in the ministry…becoming a bank robber?
Sounds like he just kept up the family tradition to me
My cousins old man was a cop…he became a security guard…exactly the same thing really
He did!
Was hoping for pre sale signed edition.
How long till audio book?
Little hand says it’s time to rock and roll.
I thought I was in for a good read until I hit
“We were both raised as good Christian boys in a good Christian extended family with each of the uncles involved in the ministry, megachurch pastors and famous missionaries. It was a sort of evangelical Camelot….”
and it was all downhill from there.
Ain’t that what makes the flip to bank robbing more interesting?
He’s scared of god
Which one?
You wouldn’t know him
How about Her?
You know self worship’s not a real religion
Exactly