Just one more beer...
Just one more beer...

World Surf League shocks professional sport pundits, moral majority by renewing longterm deal with Corona even after cheating rampantly with multiple other beer brands!

Dirty business.

The World Surf League is many things including beleaguered, inept, absurd, silly but it is, above all, a serial beer polyamorist. The home of professional surfing since 1976 by way of 2013 has hopped into bed with Michelob Ultra, Coopers, 805 and Corona but to name a few trysts leaving sport pundits open-jawed.

How do they do it?

What is the draw?

Well, those selfsame watchdogs became even more confused and/or concerned when, days ago, it was announced that the aforementioned Corona has agreed to a multi-year deal with the WSL even knowing all the infidelity.

Per the wedding announcement:

The World Surf League (WSL) today announced the renewed global partnership with Corona, an AB InBev global brand, as the Official Beer Partner (outside Australia and USA) of the WSL Championship Tour (CT) for the next three years.

In addition to being the Official Beer Partner, Corona is the title partner of Stop No. 9 on the 2022 CT, the Corona Open J-Bay, as well as the presenting partner of the upcoming Surf City El Salvador Pro Presented by Corona (Stop No. 7) and the Oi Rio Pro Presented by Corona (Stop No. 8). Corona’s support also extends to the Challenger Series, where they are the title partner of the Corona Saquarema Pro Presented by Banco do Brasil.

“The global Corona brand has been part of the WSL family since 2016 and we continue to strengthen that relationship,” said Cherie Cohen, WSL Chief Revenue Officer. “Corona shares our passion for the beach, and the strength of their presence globally, and particularly in Latin America, makes this such a powerful partnership. We are both deeply vested in protecting our ocean and our work this season reflects that with much more to come.”

Corona and WSL share a long-standing commitment towards protecting the world’s oceans. For the first time, Corona has officially partnered with WSL PURE as part of the We Are One Ocean initiatives across the Championship Tour. Most recently at the Quiksilver and ROXY Pro G-Land, Corona supported the expansion of the NGO Sungai Watch to build an ambitious river interception program that will prevent 100 tons of plastic from ending up in the ocean. Corona also partnered with WSL PURE grantee, Surf Conservation Partnership, to expand the initiative to establishing up-cycling facilities with local communities and surf camps.

“Corona is a brand that was born on the beach, so it’s only natural that we’ve been a favorite brand of surfers and a part of surf lifestyle for decades,” said Felipe Ambra, Global Vice President of Corona. “We are so excited to work with WSL to bring the Championship Tour to El Salvador, and we really believe in the incredible growth opportunities for the sport in Latin America. This is an exciting time for pro surfing and we are thrilled to be part of it.”

Is Corona abused? Does it think the WSL will change?

Any cut-rate therapist would advise that once a cheater always a cheater and it’s sad that Corona has denigrated itself so but let’s be here for it at the inevitable crash and Bud. Let’s love unconditionally.

David Lee Scales and I did not discuss Corona during our weekly chat, in any case, though I am in the spiritual home of beer. Germany, man. What a place. We did discuss Swellnet’s perversion, though.


Listen here. You know you want to.

Latinx Cuckquean Shakira makes online overture to surfing superstar Kelly Slater following public breakdown of marriage to cheating Barcelona soccer star husband Gerard Piqué!

Hip-swinging Colombian seeks vaguely injured surfing superstar for hot times.

Who would dare argue against Kelly Slater’s bona fides as the sport’s most gorgeous practitioner?

Yeah, brave little Kalani Robb came close for a time in the nineties, both men and women swooning over his freaky rectus abdominis and mixed-race handsomeness, sexpot groupies fighting to hump his wet stump.

But its Kelly Slater, even in his fifty-first year, who still puts the world’s most beautiful women into a creaming frenzy.

Enter Shakira Ripoll, the Colombian-born singer famous for dance hit Hips Don’t Lie and the theme song for the 2010 soccer World Cup, Waka Waka (This Time for Africa.)

Shakira, who is forty-five, took up with soccer star Gerard Piqué at the tournament, the couple bred a couple of kids, before Piqué split in recent weeks for a gal half her age.

Anyway, hell hath no fury etc and Shakira has wasted no time in following a bevy of the world’s hottest middle-aged superstars on Instagram, including Henry Cavill, Scott Eastwood, Chris Evans but, for our purposes, and most importantly, Kelly Slater.

It’s a dead end for the cuckquean songstress for Slater is steadfastly devoted to his “Chinese girlfriend” Kalani Miller. 

The pop sensation and 12-time Latin Grammy winner ain’t a stranger to surfing, however.

She is a visitor to Wavegarden’s test pool in the Basque Country, and is fiercely anti-VAL, warning her kids, “Don’t ‘Wait Up’ to surf at 40 when you can start at 6.”

Breaking News: World’s greatest surf draw Kelly Slater drops out of El Salvador Pro hours ahead of contest start citing injury!

Heartbreak hotel.

There is fourteen-some hours, at time of writing, until the kickoff of the Surf City El Salvador Pro brought to you by Dirk Ziff and excitement hangs heavy in the banana-scented air. Many storylines to follow. For example, John John Florence and his tragic knee injury, Gabriel Medina’s return to tour, mid-way, in order to run the table and win at San Clemente, the world’s most decorated surfer, and its greatest draw, withdrawing citing injury.

Slater was last seen, here, celebrating World Ocean Day by spinning gorgeously at Uluwatu there on Bali otherwise known as the Isle of the Gods.


The north-of-fifty year-old professional looked ageless but, apparently, he somehow became hurt and has therefore withdrawn from Central America’s first championship tour event in… years?


North of fifty years?

Difficult to say as it is difficult to pry true information from behind the World Surf League’s patented Wall of Positive Noise™. Did that thing ever get spackled right up in nearby G-Land or what?

The Apple TV smash Make or Break threatened to break the absurd rosy outlook but then 2 foot (3 German male lower leg) Grajagan got sold as “the best contest of the year” and boom.


Slater’s injury has yet to be announced but it may have to do with not wanting to go to El Salvador during rainy season.


Will the 11x champ head to J-Bay, the next tour stop, in order to defend his current number 15 slot?

Currently more questions than answers.

Photo: @cjay.cinema
Photo: @cjay.cinema

In honor of under-advertised World Ocean Day, ageless Kelly Slater throws textbook tail high air reverse at picturesque Uluwatu!

Poetry a half century in the making.

But are you fifty years young, puttering around the mini golf course, maybe, banking shots near the cup and feeling talented? Running three blocks down the street in order to hand the mailman a letter and beaming pride? Mowing the lawn in one go without a water or toilet break and thinking you may, just might, be the one to beat Father Time?

Well, Kelly Slater, the most accomplished professional surfer ever and current world number fifteen was recently on the holy isle of Bali, plying his trade, throwing tail high air reverses that would make John John Florence blush.

He is now well over the half century mark old.

It must be assumed that he is either now, or will soon be, in El Salvador to participate in the hours-away Surf City El Salvador Pro, maybe on a very fancy yacht, but it would behoove us all to celebrate World Ocean Day by simply gazing at his artistry.

Could you do such flair on a wave at even forty?


Here’s to World Ocean Day and also to the fountain of youth (Syrian heritage).

But, quickly, how did you celebrate? It was on June 8th and I think woefully under-advertised.


"Not yet, my friends. Not yet."
"Not yet, my friends. Not yet."

In wild scene echoing great American folktale John Henry versus The Machine, startup drone company declares it can best German male lower leg for wave measuring accuracy!

Perfection from the heel of das boot up to das knee.

I am currently sitting down to a breakfast of poached eggs in hollandaise, asparagus dusted with chili, pancakes smothered in rhubarb in Germany’s vibrant Berlin. Delicious. Last night, it was the Sleeping Beauty at the Deutch Oper performed with exceptional flair by the Staatsballet. Phenomenal (more later). And there may be nothing this country can do wrong including unlocking the long-debated mystery of how to most accurately measure wave height.

Ahhh the German male’s lower leg. Say it loud and there’s music playing. Say it soft and it’s almost like praying. Scientists from the United States discovered the secret after teutonic Sebastian Steudnter achieved number one surfer in the world status by riding its largest wave. But how to measure? Yes, his lower leg and debates were instantly settled from the low-balling Hawaiian isles to the utterly insane offices of Surfline.

But the bend of history is moving toward automatization. You certainly recall the American folk tale where John Henry, a steel drivin’ man, took on a steam machine in a race to see who could pound the most railway stakes into the ground. Henry won but died in so doing.

And now an evil unmanned drone has set upon the beautiful German male’s lower leg. From industry source Drone DJ:

Meteorologist Teddy Allen and algorithm expert Milan Curic are the driving force behind Henet Wave, a startup they created using a sensor packing drone to accurately measure the size of waves their fellow surfers can never, but ever agree on. The pair has attracted other swell riders and geek-inclined teammates to develop their technique of deploying a UAV equipped with a high-resolution altimeter and sophisticated GPS monitor over breakers. The results have been accurate readings of liquid dimension are currently “calculated” with too much pure eyeballing to be entirely reliable.

The duo formed Henet – from the Egyptian for “pelican”– in 2020 after reading an article about a women’s big wave surfing competition. The piece debated aspects of how winners of competitions were determined, with the element of size oddly being less of a factor than “making” the giant swells – that is, riding them all the way to the end.

“To us the bigger debate should have been the ability to differentiate between a 73-foot wave and a 69-foot wave using subjective methods,” the startup’s website recalls, with Allen and Curic immediately deciding approximative appreciation was flawed to begin with. “Henet was born… (and now) guides surfers into the new world of purely objective real time XXL wave measurement.”

Damn the machine.

Long live the German male’s lower leg.