Surfing great Kelly Slater shouts 14-year-old boy into Indonesian dream wave only to have him burned and drilled to reef by unrepentant elder, proceeds to name and shame on social media: “Tag him!”

A low down dirty shame.

Imagine being a next level 14-year-old surfer out sharing an Indonesian lineup with the world’s greatest athlete Kelly Slater. Then, dream on, he shouts you into an absolute bomb. He having position, you getting the call. Paddle, paddle, paddle, drop barrel beginning to lay out before you when, suddenly, out from the sky, an elder man wearing what appears to be a baseball hat and/or trucker hat drops forcing you back into the lip in order to be pounded upon the reef.


This nightmare-cum-dream sequence, though, happens to be a reality and one commemorated to film for all the world to see.

Filmmaker Shane Kreutzer captured the moment that was thus reprised by snowflake publication The Inertia.

Being snowflake, the aforementioned refused to name and shame the elder man but Kelly Slater, brave and bold, had no such compunction, ordering the spineless SUP enthusiasts to “tag him” and providing the handle @captain_kook_berry_crunch which just so happens to belong to belong here.

Comments were very harsh toward the dropper inner with many declaring that would be the last wave he would catch in Indonesia, that he should fly home etc.

But what is your read?

Kelly obviously a saint, young charger going for it but elder a life endangering menace?

I stand with Slater, and rage, per the usual.

Please weigh in with your thoughts.

Imagine the scene at Teahupoo...
Imagine the scene at Teahupoo...

Lost amidst explosive revelations of grueling 50-minute surf sessions, evidence-free claims of surf eclipsing golf in popularity, is leak sixth best surfer in America Kelly Slater intends to surf 2024 Olympics!

The feel-good story of the decade.

The recent interview conducted with the world’s greatest athlete, Kelly Slater, by Breitling continues to captive the surf reading public with revelation after revelation emerging from the, ostensibly, advertorial masterpiece. Drip after drop after drip holding sway while J-Bay ticks to commencement.

Slater sat down with the luxury Swiss watch manufacturer, recently, to speak about the re-worked Superocean Automatic 42 Kelly Slater. Limited to 1000 pieces, Breitling used its dive watch as foundation but swapped in a bright orange dial as nod to the 11x world surfing champion’s father and an army green band, inspiration un-noted, though the chat quickly pivoted to shocking revelations that he, Slater, surfs for a grueling 50-minutes at a time as opposed to the typical 30 and once heard, evidence-free, that surfers have eclipsed golfers in number, noting there is much money in golf.

Lost, however, or at least under-acknowledged, is Slater’s intent to surf in the upcoming 2024 Olympiad which will be held in France and, thus, subjugated French Polynesia i.e. Teahupoo.

Dipping in once again:

I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was on my mind. Because the location of the next Olympics is a spot I’ve probably had my first or second best results in my career — it’s in Teahupo’o in Tahiti. France is hosting the Olympics and they’ve chosen to take it down to Teahupo’o — I’ve won that contest like six or seven times. It would be really great to try to make that team. They only took two people from each country in the last Olympics, and they’re going to take three from a couple this time — including the U.S. I honestly think the qualification is potentially harder for me than winning the Olympics. If I can get in there I think I’d have a shot at winning the Olympics in 2024. And I’d be 52, so I’d be one of the oldest Olympians in that game.

Slater is correct in his assessment that qualification may be more difficult than winning gold. At time of writing, the most recent Pipeline Pro is sitting as the sixth best American in the world with only the top two, per country, allowed. If you recall, Hawaii does not get to surf under its own flag, per Olympic rules, so John John Florence and Baron Mamiya are directly in his way but let’s get into the numbers?

John John is hurt and may have a tough time getting his wobbly boot motivated. Baron should, or could, be a lock. Kolohe Andino, the American with a Hawaiian name, is above Slater too plus has Olympic experience and Nat Young, the American with an Australian name, is making moves. Griffin Colapinto, currently world no. 4, has shown flashes of brilliance, likely also locking, so where does that leave our man?

Does he have what it takes to rise above a solid but compromised field?

While the World Surf League insists they “don’t script this,” should they just once?

The feel-good story of the decade.

Or to quote the great Noa Deane, “America, fuck yeah.”

But quickly, Slater claims to have won at Teahupoo “six or seven times.” Do you not think he knows whether it is “six” or “seven” or is he just that good?

Possibly even the greatest of all-time.

Zuckerberg (pictured) rock 'n' rolling.
Zuckerberg (pictured) rock 'n' rolling.

In bold management strategy, big wave surfer and Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg leans on vintage Quiksilver slogan to rally beleaguered employees: “If you can’t rock ‘n’ roll, don’t f*cken come!”

Surf-spun wisdom from the chief.

You, likely, know of Mark Zuckerberg as multi-disciplinary waterman, big wave surfer and star Kai Lenny’s BFF, but the world’s fifth richest man, and Kauai local, also happens to steer the online juggernaut Meta-cum-Facebook.

His company, based in Menlo Park, California has run into much trouble over the past few years. Accusations of willfully spreading misinformation, making a more toxic world, shedding billions of dollar in value etc. and its many employees are beleaguered.

Generally sad.

Zuckerberg, though, unleashed a bold management strategy on a call with them days ago, saying, “Some of you might decide that this place isn’t for you, and that self-selection is OK with me. Realistically, there are probably a bunch of people at the company who shouldn’t be here.”

Sound familiar?


The sentiment is basically a word-for-word reworking of Quiksilver’s iconic and vintage slogan “If you can’t rock’n’roll, don’t fucken come…” An absolute classic that buoyed legions of core fans while also pointing a very clear finger toward the door.


Inc. Magazine was less bullish on the move, declaring, “The thing is, assuming that some of the people who work for your company don’t belong is a terrible way to lead. It’s also a pretty lousy way to motivate your team. Instead, you should always assume the best about your team. If you find yourself thinking there are people working at your company who shouldn’t be, that’s a failure of your leadership.”

But Inc. Likely doesn’t rock ‘n’ roll and probably shouldn’t come.

Proof will, as they say, be in the pudding and I, for one, am hopeful that Meta employees will take the charge as radical surf-spun wisdom.

Inspirational as the boss.

"Gimme gimme gimme!"
"Gimme gimme gimme!"

Surfers shriek, burst into lusty sobs as French fashion house Christian Dior releases world’s first perfect surfboard for unbelievably low price of $10,000!

Where "want" and "need" meet.

There are wants and there are needs and the twain rarely meet but they did this morning when French fashion house Christian Dior released images of what may well be the world’s first perfect surfboard. The single fin mid-length, tinted a dazzling blue and featuring Dior’s iconic Toile de Jouy print was reportedly designed as a tribute to Christian Dior himself and as part of the house’s exciting Maison home decor collection.

Photo courtesy Dior.
Photo courtesy Dior.

Per early reports:

The Dior Maison surfboard is composed of polyester, polyurethane foam, fiberglass, polyethylene and three-ply lime wood. After it was molded, shaped and sanded into the perfect shape, it got its application of the house’s trademark toile. It was then polished smooth. You’ll spot the eye-catching motif on one side of the board and the classic Christian Dior logo on the other. A special travel bag comes with the board that has two hand strap options to make toting it to and from the beach a breeze.

A few things. Before you turn up your skin cancer-adjacent nose at the board being part of Dior’s home decor line, remember the very first commercially made surfboards, Swastikas, were made by Pacific Systems Homes which specialized in prefabricated dwellings.

A wonderful historical nod that even the grumpiest local can appreciate.

Christian Dior’s niece was also a notorious Nazi sympathizer in possibly another, darker, historical nod to the aforementioned.

The fact that Dior went for traditional materials, polyester, polyurethane foam, etc. another brilliant choice and the shape, we can all admit now, is right for perfect surfing. Effortless and chill. And imagine with me, paddling out to your local on your new Dior board. Imagine the heads that would turn as you stroked into the wave of the day, gliding with back knee slightly tucked, torso languid, letting the perfect shape do its work.

Imagine being queen for a day.

All considered, the price tag of $10,000 (US) seems unbelievably low especially when perfection is on the table.

Break out the credit card and give in.

Tyler and coach Kekoa Bacalso watch Pipe from balcony of Rip Curl house, "Yeah, nah, ain't going out," says Tyler. | Photo: Make of Break/Apple+ TV

Female surfers not good enough to have Finals Day at Pipe says WSL CEO Erik Logan in surprise pivot away from company’s increasingly fragile wall of positive noise, “(People ask) why don’t you just do it at Pipe? If I put it at Pipe I can’t do the women there!”

And WSL CEO accused of turning child surfers into monsters as they emulate heroes storming judging towers!

During the taping of an episode of Ain’t That Swell at Torquay during the Bells Beach event two months back, Swellians welcomed WSL CEO Erik Logan with a volley of boos.

It’s to the man’s credit he faced the hostile crowd and won ‘em over by shutting down Mick Fanning, who’d joined the pile-on by telling Logan he wasn’t into the mid-tour cut, with the withering coup de grâce, “I think Barron (Mamiya) would disagree with that, he seems to be doing fine.”

Now, Logan, an attractive fifty-ish man who adopted the “sexy cocaine cowboy” look ten months ago to much critical acclaim, as well as imitation, has faced his toughest critics yet, the podcasting duo of Jimmy Miles and Cahill Bell Warren.

On the latest episode of their Lipped podcast, Miles and Bell Warren walk Logan into corners hither and yon.

Bell Warren complains of children attacking judge in junior events because Logan let Italo get away with it and, well, what else are they gonna do but emulate their heroes? 

“I’m going to have more people storming tents because of you celebrating it!” 

The combativeness continues.

Miles is opposed to the idea of running Finals Day at Lowers for a second year running, positing it’s about clicks rather than crowning a worthy world champion.

Bell Warren talks of surfers doing “cutbacks to win a world title” and of being “put to sleep” by the latest event in Brazil. 

Logan fares well in the exchanges until this wild admission, 

“No one is walking into the final five. The five surfers who make it are tested time and time and time again. We’re sitting here, watching Saquarema right now and for you it might’ve put you to sleep, but the twenty thousand fans on the beach didn’t have a problem with it…”


“Look, to be fair, (people say), hey, why don’t you just do it at Pipe? If I put it at Pipe, I can’t do the women there. They just haven’t had enough time.”

Moana Jones Wong, you listening?