The most exciting surf-adjacent story of the last decade, one that has kept our kind up for days now, has taken yet another wild twist. Surf fans have been on edges of settees since it was revealed that Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady had each hired lawyers amid an unraveling marriage.

There had been whispers of troubles ever since the star quarterback had decided to un-retire and continue playing the game earlier last year but nobody expected divorce so sudden, so swift.

Eyes immediately turned to Kelly Slater. The greatest ever surfer and Bündchen had dated from 2005 through 2006 and not only formed a striking pair but also made each other very powerful. Slater won two of his eleven world titles in those years and Bündchen appeared on many, many magazine covers.

Might the two get back together and shine brighter than ever before?

Surf fans lit candles in hope though were thrown into panicked disarray when it was revealed, yesterday, that Leonardo DiCaprio and Josh Hartnett had emerged as potential challengers for her coveted hand.

Those same fans transitioned, today, however, to manic glee as the Brazilian supermodel stepped out with an altered tattoo.

Per Page Six:

As the sun appears to be setting on Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady’s marriage, the supermodel has made some eye-catching changes to one of her celestial tattoos.

On Thursday, the Brazilian beauty was snapped visiting a building in Miami (that happens to house legal offices) wearing cuffed jeans and a pair of flip-flops that showed off the updated ink on her right ankle.

While the design previously depicted a crescent moon surrounded by three stars, Bündchen appears to have turned it into a tree, with several branches curling upward around the stars.

A tree with several branches curling upward around the stars?

Absolutely not.

Even recently converted surf fans clearly recognized Slater’s iconic hairless head and steely gaze as witnessed at this past year’s Pipeline Pro (examine here).

First sage, now this.

Candles burning brightly.

Troubling reports.

Surf fans have been on a roller coaster, for the past four days, since it was revealed that Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen may be headed toward divorce after each hired lawyers. The football great and Brazilian supermodel have allegedly been living in a “sexless marriage” among other such troubles whipping the aforementioned fans into an obscene frenzy.

History’s best surfer, Kelly Slater, you see, dated Bündchen for a year plus and candles were lit in hopes that the two might rekindle their storied romance.

Today, though, troubling reports are emerging that Slater may have competition. Page Six has listed Bünchen’s past boyfriends including model Scott Barnhill, polo player Rico Mansur and businessman João Paulo Diniz. Slater, concerningly, finds himself sandwiched between actors Leonardo DiCaprio and Josh Hartnett with other actor, and Captain America, Chris Evans just trailing.

The respected gossip source writes, “Shortly after her split with DiCaprio, Bündchen started dating professional surfer Kelly Slater. The pair lasted until early 2006 before they decided to go their separate ways.”

Not overly turgid.

This is the time, though, surf fans must be strong and not give up hope. Our champion will be tested, no doubt, but we must have faith in his prowess and ability to outshine stars. He is, after all, very skilled in managing priority etc.

Still, light two candles, please.

But a silver lining?

Before Kelly Slater wowed us with his miracle in Lemoore, there was Surf Snowdonia. Oh but do you remember the very first commercial wave tank there in pastoral Wales? Do you recall the very first time you saw waves, almost real waves, peeling across a lagoon miles away from the coast?

Inspirational. Dream-like. The park, which opened in 2015, used Wavegarden technology and found itself in pastoral northern Wales but lo, things have gone sour of late and Snowdonia’s owners fear that they might have to sell the glory.

The head of Tourism North Wales, Jim Jones, put on a brave face about this bad news, telling the BBC, “I’ve no doubt it will continue. I think it’s extremely important to us in north Wales because we built our brand as ‘adventure capital’ on the back of Adventure Parc Snowdonia and many others. It’s probably one of the biggest attractions in north Wales, the investment in that site has been millions. It’s important not only for the rural areas of Conwy, but for the reputation of the whole of north Wales.”

The problems facing the tub are myriad including Covid closures and mechanical troubles though a new Hilton Garden Inn and Spa just opened providing hope.

Jim Jones added, “It would be a disaster if anything happened to it, but I’m absolutely convinced that an investor will come along and continue the good work that the Ainscough family have put into it.”

Worst case scenario, I suppose, Mr. Jones can lean into his name and turn the hotel and pool into a new Peoples Temple.

Fun.