Buy candles in bulk.
What a difference a day makes. Less than twenty-four hours ago, surf fans had never been so high, riding to the very crest of a wave that has been building all week. Namely, the revelation that Gisele Bündchen and her husband Tom Brady had each hired divorce lawyers and were not “hanging out,” as it were.
The two had been married for over a decade but suddenly, and seemingly without warning, separation hung heavy in the air. While this fact was, and is, sad, surf fans couldn’t help but feel a rush of emotion, of hope that maybe Bündchen was on her way back to the world’s greatest surfer, Cocoa Beach’s Kelly Slater.
The Brazilian supermodel and eleven-time world champion had dated during 2005, 2006 and formed the very picture of beauty, brains, international sexy.
And, thus, the aforementioned surf fans have been hanging on every drip, every drop from the saga, finding references to Kelly Slater everywhere. Bündchen was seen sending smoke signals to Slater, saging her car, visiting a faith healer, altering a tattoo, dropping praying hands emoji underneath a comment about love and commitment (or something).
The pure joy but today, now, possible heartbreak looms as a new revelation directly implicates Slater’s life choices as “unaligned.”
Per the New York Post:
Speaking recently to Us Weekly, an insider said friends of Brady, 45, and Bündchen, 42, “are upset” at the Buccaneers quarterback “for going back on his word and coming out of retirement,” referencing his NFL change of heart.
“They hate the way Tom is refusing to bend for Gisele,” the source continued.
Allegations of discord between Brady and Bündchen first surfaced in September, when Page Six exclusively reported that the pair had engaged in heated arguments over his NFL return. A source later stated, however, that their issues have “nothing to do with his decision to return to the NFL,” noting the claims are “sexist.”
“The problems are not due to his decision to play football again — sometimes things are complicated,” the source said.
While glimmers of optimism can be found in the later source, surf fans can’t help but remember when Slater said he was going to retire right after Joel Parkinson said he was going to retire then didn’t.
Let’s choose to still believe, though, that Slater’s past misstep won’t harm our future happiness.
Let’s light five candles each.