“Tucker Carlson of surf media” looks warily over shoulder, grows increasingly paranoid after popular Fox namesake stabbed in back and left to bleed out!

"They’ve got their Bill O’Riellys and their made-up name people. People on their message board and it’s vicious."

Wild days, these, increasingly off the rails. The world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater is no longer a member in good standing of the top tour. Those powers’ that be changed their entire rule structure under the cover of darkness in order to let him malinger. Two-time champion Tyler Wright is angry at her compromised father and both Don Lemon plus Tucker Carlson have lost their jobs, allegedly without warning and overnight.

While Lemon was… pretty lame and inconsequential, Carlson is a titan of the media landscape, drawing more viewers than CNN, MSNBC, OAN networks combined.

But why the ouster?

Rumors are burning hot that Fox had grown tired of his antics, frustrated by his personality, maybe sitting on a cache of incriminating texts, maybe angry that he just gave a speech all overtly religious but each, just that.

Rumors.

And if such a powerful figure can be disappeared without reason, what about lightly less powerful figures in the surf space?

Four years ago, as you certainly recall, essential surf voice Chris Cote took to the airwaves to declare:

And I realized, you’re gonna like this, BeachGrit is Fox News of surf media. Think about it, right. They talk to their base. They fire up their base. Chas is kind of like the Tucker Carlson of surf media. They’ve got their Bill O’Riellys and their made-up name people. People on their message board and it’s vicious. But it’s a lot of fun and it’s a privilege and an honor to give BeachGrit so much to talk about.

At the time I was frustrated by the comparison on an aesthetic level. This morning I am very scared. Might I wake up to a note in my inbox from BeachGrit‘s Rupert Murdoch, one Derek Rielly, thanking me for my service and cooly dismissing me?

What would I do?

Where would I go?

Like Carlson, I fear bridges have been torched at The Inertia, Surfer, Stab, Surfline, the World Surf League, Surf Equity, Stu Nettle, Magic Seaweed (RIP) and everywhere else.

Rip Curl?

That bridge has likely been torched as well.

Mick Fanning.

Light a candle for me, please.