"No, there's no Plan B."

Surfer Magazine and its dumb lying robots aside, the situation in Tahiti in relation to the upcoming 2024 Olympics is certainly something. Surf fans initially rejoiced when it was announced that the surfing portion of the Games would be held at Teahupo’o. The gem at “the end of the road” is as good as it gets, in terms of professional surf competition goes, and watching hopefuls go, or not (see: Filipe Toledo), will certainly thrill.

Except.

Olympic organizers started getting too clever, deciding to replace the old judging tower with a new one thus infuriating locals. In order to prove how great it would be, a barge was hired for a test run.

It proceeded to smash the reef to bits.

Calls immediately were raised to move the show back to France though, hours ago, France’s Sports Minister Amelie Oudea-Castera has put her foot down, telling the country’s reporters, “No, there’s no Plan B. We’re on this path which is really the right one. We’re on the right path to have a new, resized judges’ tower that corresponds to requests made by locals. There was a test that was obviously not well prepared and could not be conducted properly,” she said. “And unfortunately it damaged bits of coral, which is obviously completely regrettable. The next test must be meticulously prepared.”

Do you think the locals will be relieved to hear about the meticulousness?

More importantly, are there currently tears in the Toledo household?

Finally, will Surfer Magazine jump back in or has the machine singed its little metal fingers?

Setting the record straight.

I suppose, at the end, artificial intelligence is good for something. Last night as the sun was setting, Surfer Magazine’s robot got on the tools and decided that Carissa Moore had called for a boycott of the Paris Olympics over the Teahupo’o judging tower situation. As you are well aware, the machine believes strange things when it comes to our surfing. ChatGPT, for example, declared that Duke Kahanamoku was a gay icon. It also wrongly suggested that the august surfboard shaper Maurice Cole had been inducted into surfing’s Hall of Fame in 2006 even though, as everyone knows, he expressly and vociferously refused that shame.

Back to the universally adored Moore, though. As pointed out this morning by the noted longtime tour and media observer Lincoln Eather, SurferBot’s baldfaced lying about what she actually said had real potential consequences. “C’mon Surfer Magazine – you’re better than this,” Eather penned. “No where in the article does it state (or any videos you linked to, or anything on Riss’ profiles) does she state what you wrote in the headline. Click bait comes & goes, and can be funny. This borders on fvcked, you’re putting words in her mouth and at a level that could have kick-back on her from the Olympics… Do better.”

BeachGrit dutifully reposted, calling Surfer to account which, in turn, led to a Carissa Moore response.

“Mahalo BeachGrit for setting it straight for me,” she wrote. “I never said I was boycotting the Olympics. I am very saddened by how the new tower plans are negatively affecting my friends and family in Teahupo’o and of course the environment..” She continued to clearly state her position, in human words, on matters before including another slide calling Surfer to account.

BeachGrit shocking readers with its instant pivot from “sucking” and “not being liked by anyone” according to icons Nathan Florence and Koa Rothman or “cheap and character revealing” according to Kelly Slater to “brave defender of professional surfers’ honor.”

Thanks, Surfer.