"Before I really understood what was happening a lifeguard had me in a neck brace and an ambulance was on its way."
We surfers know the dangers of our second favorite pastime (after hunting the finest foie gras) and don’t take paddling out into the ocean lightly. Ever. Except maybe for those days where warm offshore winds tickles a Surfline 3 – 4 feet of beachbreak swell (actual wave heights 1 – 2 feet) but even then the terrors of a rogue leashless longboard or stepping on a stingray are ever present.
And let us become introduced to Kurt Braunohler, a beloved comic named “Top 10” by Variety, a few decades ago, and hailed for making the audience “see things that were always there but never noticed” by The New York Times.
Well, the ocean does not read reviews, good or bad, and dealt the 48-year-old a nearly life-changing blow, days ago. He reports:
I grew up surfing. I deeply love it. It’s a core part of how I understand myself. For the last two years I hadn’t gotten out much (kids, work, out-of-shape, etc), and it bummed me out. Two weeks ago I had a revelatory session. The best I’d had in years. I kept saying (out loud to no one) “I’m back baby!” I was stoked.
Two days later I was psyched to go out again. 15 minutes in. i drop in, the wave closes out and catches me on the head and drills me head first into a very shallow sand bar. My neck bent in a scary way. I heard a breaking noise. In my 35 years of surfing I’ve never had anything like it happen. I was pretty scared.
I (thankfully) walked out of the water, bleeding and disoriented. Before I really understood what was happening a lifeguard had me in a neck brace and an ambulance was on its way. Spent the day at the hospital and got it scanned. I’m very lucky there’s no bone damage. (My thanks to the lifeguards and paramedics who helped me.)
I was stuck for a while between feeling grateful to be alive and angry that it happened. But I’m letting the grateful side win. Thank you. thank you. thank you. I’m grateful to be able to walk the dog. I’m grateful to have dinner with my kids (who won’t stay seated for more than 30 seconds). I’m grateful to my wife for dropping everything and racing to the hospital to bring my glasses and buy me Jersey Mike’s and lift things for me. I Love you. I’m so happy to be here.
A real wake up call.
A “graphic” warning was included in the slide show and vulnerable adult learners are encouraged to not look at this image here.
Fans immediately flooded Braunohler’s feed with heartfelt well wishes including funny man Bert Kreischer whom you certainly know from the Ryan Reynolds’ film made on his life, Van Wilder, his standup, podcast or love of BeachGrit. Leaning into the latter, “The Machine” penned “@beach.grit headlines???”
Though the whole business is six days in the rearview, The People’s™ surf portal is always willing to lend a hand, thus, “Former top ten comic nearly breaks neck in eldritch surf wipeout.”
Not the best but often good enough is good enough.
Or, in the parlance of BeachGrit, “We sometimes sort of try.”