Joey Buran at Pipe and new book, Beyond the Dream.
"I was out on the days when few people even bothered cause they thought it wasn't worth it. Those big, closeout north swell days. I didn't care. I was out there. I remember one day like that. Tommy Carroll came up to me on the beach and said, 'Man, your crazy.' But I didn't care. I wanted to be out there."

California’s one-time King of Pipeline Joey Buran releases lightly evangelical tell-all bio!

"Be cool. Take care of your brother. Drop the localism scene, expand! After all, when it all boils down, surfing is supposed to be fun. That's it.”

Anyone out there remember Joey Buran? The California Kid bounced along a wave face like a Mexican jumping bean on betel nut. He owned a tube threading form that was not to be trifled with.

Joey is an ’84 Pipe Master – one of only two Californians to wear that badge, Machado being the other. He is also a Former world number seven, ranked ahead of Curren in 1983.

Joey’s book Beyond the Dream will come to the public in early September.

It is equal parts raw confession, ambition and distress, all told from a Peter Pan and Mad Magazine perspective. There is a benign simplicity resonating in Joey’s memoir. He makes little distinction between reader and author, no underlined declaration that he held the Pipe trophy and you didn’t, like we could lift the cup ourselves if we put as much industry into our surf as he did.

There are gems embedded within the pulp of his pages, like the day he won Pipeline.

He spent a short lifetime determined and obsessing over the win. The day off had a stacked field of surfing gods in the water, Carroll (Tom, not Nick), Occy, Derek Ho and Rabbit Bartholomew all in the final. Few gave Joey a chance in hell to win.

The sky was an ominous grey with north angled close-out sets and liquid guillotines decapitating masters. Joey’s patience and experience found the fickle west angled smaller insiders. He was as surprised as the others when the final scores were cast over the beach speakers. He describes his jubilation and sense of accomplishment.

But he also depicts feelings of emptiness and listlessness as he held his trophy for just minutes to then be faced with a “now what” moment.

In a Beowulf Grendel’s mom revenge scene, he recounts the day he went to cash his check for winning the ’78 Cali pro only to have that $3k bounce. The sponsor of the event absconded with the cash. Joey’s mama hunted the guy down and made him pay her baby boy in shameful instalments.

He tells how he started and ran the Professional Surfing Association of America. This was the country’s first domestic pro tour, something he considered his first failure because he could not get the cooperate sponsorship he wanted. Running the tour led to “an emotional breakdown”, leaving Joey alone in his dreary, low-lit studio apartment on the outskirts of LA.

One night, sitting there in solitude, he washed down an entire bottle of Tylenol with a handle of alcohol, his first and last suicide attempt. His sister visited him the hospital, mentioning that he might want to meet her at church when he got better.

He did.

And the rest, as they say on BeachGrit, is history. Joey now inspires others through his teachings of Jay-Z Christ.

Wanting to know more and seeking the finer details, I spoke to Joey over the telephone from a fifth0floor apartment on the Upper West Side while he was in Carlsbad preparing for a late Saturday sermon.

His voice is engaging and palpable.

Hoping to connect with our mutual Catholic faith, I’m quickly denied when the cock crows three times. Joey surmises his reason for defection from the old Romans: “It felt like Jesus was unattainable in a stained glass window.”

We talk about the day at Pipeline.

“OK, so, you know in NYC how you have those basketball courts where the real ballers play, the semi-pros? The guys who got injured or messed up their scholarships? (the ones with spectators crowded tightly around the fence, fingers poking and gripping though holes). You don’t just GO to that court and start playing. You gotta EARN that court. You gotta ball in those obscure courts. The ones with pieces of broken beer bottles and rims with no nets. With guys who throw elbows for no reason. THEN you get to graduate, after you put your time in……. Well, that’s what Pipeline is like.

“I was out on the days when few people even bothered cause they thought it wasn’t worth it. Those big, closeout north swell days. I didn’t care. I was out there. I remember one day like that. Tommy Carroll came up to me on the beach and said, ‘Man, your crazy.’ But I didn’t care. I wanted to be out there. I wanted to win that event no matter what. After all that time in the water on those bad days, I felt like I had a cheat code, like I knew things they didn’t. And I ended up knowing that wave. And it helped me win the contest that day.”

After reading the book it feels like it was more than ability that got him through.

“Yeah I had ability, as much as the next guy. But it was more grit, unadulterated determination and laser focus. And if I was out there with you, you better bring it.”

We talk about his decision to leave surf and his transition toward serving JC.

“Ya know, in surfing, I was always looking for validation, a trophy, a contest win, a ranking. And when you achieved it, it was onto the next one. Always chasing. I recently started taking Spanish lessons. I got my certificate. But you never stop learning Spanish. That is what its like serving Christ. You never stop. And you fail and succeed every day. But you continue to try and strive and better with the failures and succeeding. I try to inspire people everyday to be better through Christ. That is what I am trying to do with the book.”

He tells me.

“I went to my wife the other day. I asked her, ‘Can I wash your feet the way Jesus washed his disciples feet? Her answer: ‘Why don’t you try washing the dishes first.”

And, this, from an old interview with Fred Van Dyke, instructive, I think, of the sorta cat Joey Buran is.

“Be cool. Take care of your brother. Drop the localism scene, expand! After all, when it all boils down, surfing is supposed to be fun. That’s it.”

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Aussie surf locals attempt to muzzle Jewish-Hawaiian champ Koa Rothman in game of ironic localism

"Some people's logic is so backwards. Everyone knows where that wave is and they want to single me out."

It’s no secret Koa Rothman, the middle son of North Shore enforcer Fast Eddie Rothman and brother to big-wave world champion Makua, feels coldly towards BeachGrit, his feelings laid bare on the Bert Kreischer show. 

“They suck, they suck,” Rothamn told the Floridian funnyman.

At our end, however we regard the popular YouTuber whose golden-brown glazed handsomeness will stop any man in his tracks, as one of the greats of the sport. 

His courage and pugnacity count him a a man of sound ethics. 

You’ll remember five  years ago when he sent a message to the world just prior to the opening of the Hawaiian season letting visitors know he’d be enjoying any wave he damn well wanted at Pipe and, therefore, not to take any drop-ins personally.

“This year, this winter here in Hawaii, 2020, 2021, I will be going on whatever wave I want at Pipeline,” he said. “No hard feelings. I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m just letting you know now that is what is going to be happening. So have a great day and watch out.”

Now, Aussie locals have attempted to muzzle Koa Rothman during a recent holiday down under. After surfing a popular big-wave near Manly called Deadmans, Rothman returned to his car to find a sign warning him to not film for his YouTube channel.

Aussie surfers play game of ironic localism with king of Pipeline, Koa Rothman.
Aussie surfers play game of ironic localism with king of Pipeline, Koa Rothman.

 

In a follow-up video, this time Koa Rothman is welcomed with open arms by Ours kingpins Wayne Cleveland Jessie Polock although one Ours surfer laments his recent episode at Super Suck, Rothman addresses his critics with a disarming logic.

“Some people’s logic is just so backwards,” he says. “(At Deadmans) there’s 100 cameras there, Channel 9 news is there, their local station, drones are everywhere. Clips are all over Instagram. Everyone knows where that wave is and they want to single me out.”

As for the Super Suck critic, who felt Koa revealed a tightly held secret to the world Koa correctly pointed out, “I surfed with 100 people and 80 cameras.”

Watch the full ep here.

Lightly essential.

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Sam George (right) and Upper Trestles. Photo: 40-year-old Virgin.
Sam George (right) and Upper Trestles. Photo: 40-year-old Virgin.

Surf guru mortifies readers with tale of wanton abstinence

"It got to the point where I almost didn’t recognize my own reflection in the bathroom mirror..."

Surf guru Sam George and The Inertia is the happiest pairing since green eggs and ham. The silver hair’d kahuna having a place to share his all-important insights. The David Lynch-esque surf website positively glowing from the power of unfettered wisdom. It is a beautiful thing and, so, you can understand the mortification readers had today when they learned that George had once gone 14 days without surfing.

“As a younger man, I once went 14 days without surfing,” the master began. “Having just returned home from a trip to Puerto Rico, where I enjoyed a fine run of swell, glorious mid-winter weather and a full dose of spicy Caribbean culture, I found myself decidedly uninterested in suiting up for a session in three-foot, chilly Upper Trestles crumblers.”

George went on to recount how the days passed, his board unwaxed even though he was the editor of a surf magazine and had ocean views from his home, him not recognizing his reflection in the mirror anymore. Then, on the 14th night of not surfing, 11:30 pm to be exact, he wondered if he was even a surfer anymore. The thought troubled him so much that pulled on his wetsuit and peddled on his bike to Uppers wherein he surfed under a pale moonlight.

Readers finally able to breathe again but a plurality was left unsettled as to how a man as exceptional, talented, skilled… as perfect as Sam George could go 14 days without surfing.

14 days.

Even though he had everything.

The most enviable job in the world, an oceanfront home, a face impossibly handsome, style, hair, one earring.

Nia Peeples.

If surfing’s Grand Poobah could go 14 days without surfing what does that mean for the muck like you, like me?

Us dirty plebes?

A haunting notion.

Dare I ask how long you’ve gone without surfing?

We’ll be here for each other.

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New king of Teahupoo Filipe Toledo (7/29 - 7/30).
New king of Teahupoo Filipe Toledo (7/29 - 7/30).

The unbearable lightness of being Filipe Toledo

"There are no demons to vanquish, no apparent self-loathings even with a tattooed lion covering his heart."

Filipe Toledo is a gift of which we are not worthy. The best small wave surfer on the planet has thrilled surf fans for years both on and off the sea. His ability to turn 2ft waves into art truly unparalleled. His refusal to paddle when things get lightly uncomfortable now the stuff of legend.

Toledo is, of course, a two-time World Surf League champion, winning both titles at li’l Lower Trestles, but it is the haunting of Teahupo’o and Pipeline, his historic 0.00 heat totals, being schooled by geriatrics, an Olympic performance that will go down in history for its timidity even as a 13-year-old Chinese wrestler who had never been to Teahupo’o sent it, that are as much a part of his fascinating narrative.

We imagine he cares. I imagine he cares. Those times in life where I have not pitched over the ledge, as it were, bedevil me even decades later. JP Currie wrote of Toledo’s Olympic no show, once the surf turned into a deadly paradise, “With all sincerity, I hope he is ok, because I can scarcely imagine a greater swing from high to low. Yesterday, his demons had been vanquished, silenced and sent back to that dark chamber in the pit of his soul.Today, they are back upon his shoulder, wailing and cackling into the shot blood of his eyeballs. And I fear that when it’s all said and done, it won’t be two world titles and some of the most dynamic surfing ever done that is Filipe Toledo’s legacy, but simply a handful of waves he refused to paddle for.”

Except for Currie, me, maybe you are all wrong.

Toledo does not care. There are no demons to vanquish, no apparent self-loathings even with a tattooed lion covering his heart, staring at him every time he dries off after showering. Rigid social media control, a defiant father and a chorus of sycophanies have allowed the 29-year-old to occupy a space lighter, fluffier than the finest Parisian croissant.

He can, without satire, post phone camera to self and make sincere claim that future Olympic events should be conducted in a wave tank.

Imagine that gall.

Do you envy?

Complete freedom from the shackles of noble, though maybe antiquated, ideals?

Something to ponder.

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Team USA thinking they're having fun. Little do they know... Photo: Instagram
Team USA thinking they're having fun. Little do they know... Photo: Instagram

US men’s basketball team prepares for barrage of death threats and poop emojis after trouncing Brazil in Olympic quarters

Only a surfer knows the feeling.

I was out late, last night, in Paris. Enjoying a variety of spritzes on a fine restaurant patio near the Palais Garnier. The weather could not have been better, still warm with a warm breeze adding the sort of magic the City of Light is known for, and as I sat, I should have felt soothed.

Alas, unsettling business was afoot.

To my right, a large television had been set up to broadcast the Olympic Games currently frustrating the town (businesses empty, cab drivers scrounging for people to ferry etc.) and a troubling scene was playing out right in front of me. Namely, the United States men’s basketball team, featuring a who’s who of generational talents, trouncing Team Brazil in the quarterfinals.

LeBron James and co. had gone up by nearly 40 points and seemed to be enjoying their moment, playing loose and light, smiling etc. but I knew better. Knew they should be bracing for an act of nature unfamiliar and wicked. A Brazilian storm, you see, was certainly brewing south of the equator. Fans of Order and Progress ready to unleash a unified call to bulldoze the referees’ family homes, have the NBA stars erased from social media, or worse, all punctuated with multiple poop emojis.

Rough days ahead.

Unlike professional surfers, I don’t imagine basketball players at the top levels are familiar with Brazil and its passion. While ignorance is understandable, it won’t matter when the Instagram comments come two by two then two hundred by two hundred wishing all manner of ill before punitive cancellation follows.

I know the feeling and a dark and lonely night lies ahead for Team USA.

Candles, please.

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