Surf website The Inertia hailed as “David Lynch-esque” surrealism!

Let’s play a little game. See if you can pick out the real Inertia headlines from the ones I’ve made up. 

WSL apologists. VAL enthusiasts. Branded content partners. Our pals over at The Inertia have long been known to cater to the most basic of demographics with their HuffPost-esque surf puff pieces. 

They’re obviously resonating with an audience. Somewhere. Somehow.

And that’s fine. Good for them. Go for gold.

But have you browsed The Inertia website of late? Probably not.

Between BeachGrit and Brietbart I’d be surprised if you had time left to polish your gun rack, let alone imbibe the sixth most successful online surf journal’s offerings.

I have, though. And fuck me it is wild.

If you can get past the UX that is buggier and more ad-laden than a late ‘90s Geocities site, a quick dig into The Inertia archives reveals titles –  and stories – that appear to have gone from surf-adjacent to straight-out surrealist. Bros and Bro-ettes pumping out page after page of incessant outdoor enthusiast dross that turns into performance art the deeper you get. (Not like our BeachGrit!)

The saccharine sweet animal videos. The naughty naughty admonishment of eco-negative behaviours. The Nonsensical Use of Capitalized Letters. It’s all there. But I swear, when viewed as a whole, the body of work takes on an almost David Lynch like absurdist quality.

Are these cunts at The Inertia messing with us? I don’t know. But it sure is entertaining.

So, let’s play a little game. See if you can pick out the real Inertia headlines from the ones I’ve made up. 

The winner gets, oh I don’t know. A beaver fur wetsuit*.

1. C-Monsta Will Help You Level Up Your Wetsuit Drying Game
2. Opinion: It Doesn’t Matter If the CEO of the WSL Surfs or Not
3. San Diego Man Creates Surf-Skateboard With Inbuilt Water Spray
4. Your Keep Cup Is Probably Not Recycled and That Is Problematic
5. Our Favourite Hammocks for Hanging at the Beach
6. Tips on Reversing Your Negativity Bias
7. Filipe Toledo’s Dominance Shows That Teahupo’o and Pipeline Really Don’t Matter Anymore
8. The Most Eco-Friendly Moustache Waxes of 2023
9. The Best Wing Foil Gear for Beginners
10. Robotic Dolphins and Flying Water Cars Are Insane
11. When The Olympics Begins at Teahupo’o, Shouldn’t Surfers Be Able to Pronounce Its Name?
12. The GetBaked Hydro Tee is our Favorite Technical Aquatic Activity Shirt of 2024
13. So You Want to Start Jet Boarding? Here’s 3 Tips to Keep you High and Dry
14. It’s Fall Again! Here’s 5 Of Our Favourite Hacky Sacks For the Ultimate In Campfire Fun
15. Dear Van Lifers: Please Stop Pooping In My Car Park
16. This Four Hour Patagonia Documentary Will Make You Rethink Your Use of Non Sustainable Ear Plugs
17. This Baby Seal is Learning to Surf, and She’s Doing It All For the Environment
18. Octopus Takes Diver by the Hand and Leads Her to an Underwater Mystery
19.  The WSL Is Doing A Good Job, So Why Are Its Fans Acting Like Such A##holes?
20. These Dolphins Absolutely LOVE Squirrels!
21. Burning Man Was Only Bad If You Can’t Adapt To Nature
22. Your Dreads May Look Cool, But They’re Likely Contributing To Climate Change
23. Opinion: The WSL Finals is A Huge Improvement to Professional Surfing
24. Five Self Care Tips For When The Surfline Forecast Is Wrong
25. Foldable Surfboards – Why They Are Rad And Why Haven’t You Bought One Already?
26. Kassia Meador Teaches You How To Wax Your Surfboard

Real Inertia article titles: 1, 2, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 15, 18, 20, 21,23, 26

*Beaver Fur Wetsuits Are The Next Big Thing! Published on the Inertia by JP Currie, October 2016