Not happy.

As the United States presidential election of ’24 reaches its backstretch, the elusive surf vote has become a prize for both parties. With Trump and Harris neck and neck, both campaigns are turning to previously ignored blocs, looking for that tiny edge that might just might tip the scales come November.

Team Trump was leading early with Kelly Slater’s very good friends RFK Jr. and Tulsi Gabbard breaking for the former president. Slater is, of course, the big fish in the surf pool and with his endorsement the surf vote could be locked right up. Things got extremely interesting, though, days ago, when Kelly Slater’s other very good friend Jack Johnson announced that he was a “White Dude for Harris.”

Now, wave pool impresario Pharrell Williams has made his opinion on the matter known, specifically that celebrities, including surf ones, should shut their mouths when it comes to endorsements.

The multi-hyphenate artist-director-musician-etc. is also the brawn behind Atlantic Park, a Wavegarden tank in Virginia Beach that is certain to provide thrills for local surfers unable to ply their trade due medical waste. The opening cannot come soon enough but, in the meantime, Williams has thrown cold water all over Jack Johnson, openly declaring, “There are celebrities that I respect that have an opinion, but not all of them. I’m one of them people [who says], ‘What the heck? Shut up. Nobody asked you.’”

Ouch.

Haters flooded the hitmaker’s social media, complaining that he had really stepped in it this time. “Must be nice to ‘not do politics,’” one punched into the social media. “Some of us have no choice! Your lineage had no choice. Yet here YOU are pissing on them.”

“Not ‘doing politics’ is so incredibly privileged and out of touch,” another added.

Do you have thoughts on celebrity political endorsements?

What are they?

All eyes, in any case, back on Kelly Slater. Will he break for former BFF Barack Obama’s choice of Kamala Harris or new BFF RJK Jr.’s Trump?

Back to the Virginia Beach tank, though. Are you excited?

"The stuff has to stop arriving on the beach and then we have to do a thorough cleanup..."

A general pall is hanging in the air from Virginia to Maryland. A grey despondence that has nothing to do with the upcoming presidential election in nearby Washington D.C. nor the Baltimore Orioles sudden slip after beginning the Major League Baseball season on a tear. No, the depression is emanating from the region’s surf community, men and women moping around town instead of out on the water, where they belong, due washed up medical waste which has shuttered all beaches.

The coastal bit, where sand meets surf, has been closed for days now with no sign on re-opening as hypodermic needles, colostomy bags and other hospital-esque detritus.

The gross business.

Hugh Hawthorne, the superintendent of Assateague Island National Seashore, has provided no hope, telling the local news, “The stuff has to stop arriving on the beach and then we have to do a thorough cleanup of the main swimming areas before we can reopen. Our oceanside beaches remain closed on the entire island as of right now,” said Hawthorne. It’s a lot of plastic debris but it includes a large component of medical waste.”

Bummed surfers are are being told “not to be picking up these things, especially the needles, without proper protective equipment” leaving them extremely idle, hands becoming devil’s playground etc.

Which leads to a broader question. When you are unable to surf, due injury, illness, medical waste on beach etc., how do you fill the days?

a) surf skating

b) scrolling your high school’s Facebook page

c) sitting in a dark room plotting

d) other

"We love you brother, keep fighting! ‍You got this!"

A Florida surfer was critically injured after hitting the Sunglow Pier off Daytona Beach on Friday morning. Jorge Alvarado, 49, was enjoying a fun little end of summer pulse when disaster struck around 9:00 am. Witnesses say that the Port Orange man might have hit a sandbar first but then struck his head on a piling, disappearing underwater afterward. It took other surfers in the water “several minutes” to free him, rush him to the sand and then directly to the hospital while life-saving measures were being administered.

Tamra Malphurs, director of Volusia County Beach Safety Ocean Rescue, wrote, “Sounds like the lateral current pushed him into the pier after he hit his head.”

Alvarado’s friend, Justin Gore, has set up a GoFundMe in order to help with expenses, explaining, “He (Alvarado) is currently on life support and needs all of the prayers and support he can possibly get. Jorge is loved by so many people and we want to make sure as a community that we take care of him and his family during this difficult time. If you can donate, anything would be greatly appreciated. If you can’t donate, please continue to pray for Jorge and his family. Thank you to all whom help contribute financially and thank you for all of the continued prayers. We love you brother, keep fighting! ‍You got this!”

Thus far, nearly $12,000 of a $25,000 goal has been raised.

Donate here.