Surf City, USA officially introduces the MAGA-nificent 7.

Surf City, USA, home to such glories as the US Open of Surfing and Seasonal Surf Riots, is in new hands after Republicans swept the recent city council elections and now hold all seven seats. Dubbed the MAGA-nificent Seven by councilmember Tony Strickland, the group was sworn in on Tuesday and posed for photos while wearing red hats emblazoned with the phrase “Make Huntington Beach Great Again.”

Two of the seven threw very tight shakas in celebration.

“People certainly don’t have a problem when San Francisco identifies with Gavin Newsom or Barack Obama. I think that’s a double standard if anybody has that kind of criticism,” Strickland declared, heading off potential haters.

As the fourth stop on the World Surf League Challenger Series, the left-leaning “Global Home of Surfing” will be forced to deal with a potentially hostile partner though will have practice completely abandoning any and all social ideals after its February running of the Abu Dhabi Pro.

“We’re going to do what we need to to protect Huntington Beach,” Mayor Pat Burns said. “One of my big things is local control: We can govern ourselves. We don’t need state mandates.”

Huntington Beach has currently outlawed the flying of LGBTQIA+ flags on civic property, made using certain bathrooms illegal for certain people and ripped books deemed “fruity” from library shelves.

“We love our city,” councilmember Butch Twining clarified. “We love everything about it. We don’t want to change very much about it. And the red hats get conflated with another message, but that’s not really our message.”

The council has listed “bolstering public safety” as a top priority which will directly conflict with Seasonal Surf Riots.

Sad.

Just a man and his will to survive.

Kelly Slater is a man whose entire life has been about defying odds. Rising from a broken-ish Florida home to be the greatest competitive professional surfer ever, winning the Pro Pipeline at 50, building perfect waves in the unlikeliest of places but a few of the norm bustin’ accomplishment littering his glorious path.

One of the most impressive, though, has been the 11x winner’s wild post-baby tour. As you know well, Slater and longtime girlfriend Kalani Miller welcomed a boy this past summer, his second. The son, he shared with Barton Lynch, was nameless as of middle-August “Because we actually, we don’t actually don’t call him anything. We gave him a name for his birth certificate, but, as of now, we don’t have a name to call him. So, we’re kind of just, like, letting him figure out what his personality is.”

Well, most fresh fathers both name their charges and also stick around home changing diapers, taking late-night put-baby-back-to-sleep strolls, etc. but not the champ. He has been visiting luxury watch boutiques in Italy, playing golf in Scotland and watching the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix alongside fellow tour partner Italo Ferreira.

The F1 season closer, which rips around the marina, was one by Lando Norris in his trusty McLaren and very well-attended with celebrities including Brad Pitt, Jake Paul and, of course, footloose-and-fancy-free Kelly Slater.

The GOAT risin’ up, back on the street. Did his time, took his chances. Went the distance, now he’s back on his feet. Just a man and his will to survive. So many times, it happens too fast. You trade your passion for glory. Don’t lose your grip on the dreams of the past. You must fight just to keep them alive.

Back to F1, though. Did you enjoy the season? Looking forward to next year already?

Also, any new thoughts on li’l _____ Slater?

“You would never think in your right mind to build a wave pool in Waco!”

Tears are flowing freely, this morning, in the San Joaquin Valley after the most famous manmade wave in the entire United States of America Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch located on the outskirts of Lemoore, was ranked below Waco Surf in Waco, Texas on energy drink giant Red Bull’s highly-anticipated Top 8 Best Wave Pools for Surfing in the US list.

While enjoyed by a panoply of ultra-celebrities ranging from Diplo to Duke Harry Montecito to Doja Cat to Ivanka Trump and host of multiple World Surf League Championship Tour events, Surf Ranch still failed to best Waco and its unique history of brain-eating amoeba.

“There’s a whole surf community in the middle of Texas,” Red Bull’s Jamie O’Brien proudly declared, rubbing cow dung into Lemoore’s open wound. “You would never think in your right mind to build a wave pool in Waco!”

Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon came in third, threatening to overtake “The Plow” with its $1,300 for 100 waves pricing.

Great Wolf Lodge came fourth thanks to its “Wolf Rider Wipeout Indoor Surf Simulator,” Revel Surf in Mesa, Arizona nabbed fifth, two different FlowRiders, one in Sandusky, Ohio, the other in Erie, Pennsylvania were awarded sixth and seventh.

Skudin Surf, the world’s largest indoor tub, closed out the rankings at eighth.

Back up to Surf Ranch losing out to Waco Surf, though, do you imagine there is shock and sadness in World Surf League offices? The “Global Home of Surfing,” which purchased Kelly Slater Wave Co. from the 11x champion, has long declared that its technology is the most superior in the world. I’d imagine sheiks in the Emirates will feel they were sold a bill of goods what with their new Kelly Slater Surf Ranch Abu Dhabi just opened. A possible coup in an already volatile region.

The surf tank wars becoming all too real.

More as the story develops.