World-famous Burleigh Heads "smells like a sewer" and looks like a "big mud pie" only weeks before surfing grand slam.
The residents of Burleigh Heads, site of May’s Gold Coast Pro, were left wondering where the hell the city’s most famous citizen cop Joel Parkinson was over the weekend when its famous grassy headland was destroyed after a surfing team’s event there.
Joel Parkinson, who is forty-four, earned his citizen badge two years ago when he was at the centre of a “wild Gold Coast pell-mell involving mud-sliding, tiktok, ageism and alleged hand-to-hand contact!”
![What really happened! Joel parkinson [ep. 3]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bp2P7Aaivqw/0.jpg "Citizen Cop Joel Parkinson Mia After Burleigh Heads Turned Into Mud Bath By Surf Contest 1")
Only those living under a rock will be unaware that, days ago, Parkinson approached a group of prepubescent twenty-five-year-olds enjoying a mud slide and told them to knock it off. They appeared to back-sass kicking off a wild pell-mell where it was alleged that the Billabong star knocked a camera into the muck.
Over the weekend, the Hyundai Australian Boardriders Battle Grand Final was held and according to residents the contest “destroyed” the grass hill.
Speaking to Gold Coast press, local Cindy Ames said the Point was “an absolute mess. All for two days of competition. I hope it was bloody well worth it. As if Burleigh isn’t a complete eyesore already, our beautiful suburb has been turned into a construction zone and parts of the town town resemble Beirut scene with smashed windows and graffiti. Now our beautiful grassed beachfront has been destroyed and all the green grass is now a big mud pie just in time for the school holidays, Easter period.”
Another, Lisa Evans, wrote Facebook, “Locals are throughly irritated and disappointed by the use & abuse of the park time and time again” while another said the joint stunk like shit.
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This piece on Joel Parkinson’s absence during the Burleigh Heads surf contest mud-bath fiasco is equal parts hilarious and alarming—only in surfing could a high-profile event turn into a literal swamp drama. While the imagery of pros wiping out in brown sludge is comedy gold (RIP white contest jerseys), it raises serious questions about event planning and environmental oversight. Where was Parko? And more importantly, where was the contingency plan?
On a lighter note, the chaos would’ve been slightly more bearable with a Tumbler of something strong in hand—both for spectators braving the mess and surfers mourning their dignity. Here’s hoping next year’s comp brings barrels, not mudslides.
The mud sliding conducted by grown men is precisely what the Goldy can offer. You might even get a chance to rub shoulders with Fisher, Mad Hueys, Warrick Capper, The Mayor, all those really cringy people you would love to spend a leisurely weekend away with.
Goldy ‘locals’ are the biggest sooks. Beirut! Holy shit get real.
No. We are. And we’re from the Sunshine Coast.
Go full Parkour son
yes Isreal reacted fiercely but your problem is with hamass dumbass. Why dont you go protest outside their tunnels? write them some verbose emails? dickhead
You know what’s great about grass it grows back.
speaking of where the hell are certain people, hippy’s been gone for more than a minute. And is Rabin actually Pauly minus the memes??
Well every other story s a troll for trump bashing or jew/ islam hating. Plus thr comps are garbage its not very inspiring.
Hippy long lost Franky was just in Oz for six weeks will ask around now thatch back. Guarantee he is going to say its “flower season”..
Your pen pals still have 59 Israeli hostages in Gaza. Return them all and your pen pals in Hamas won’t die.
Great uplifting story about the IDF rescuing a dog from Gaza after the dog was kidnapped on 10/7/23 from a kibbutz. Heard Hebrew being spoken and emerged from it’s hiding spot and rushed to the IDF for help.
https://m.jpost.com/israel-news/article-850250
Is it possible to virtue signal while planting grass?
Although not as immediately virtuous as planting shrubs and/or corals, the sprinkling of grass seed into tire tracks across parks (and being photographed for the local newspaper while doing so) is still considered to be highly thought of in certain community circles.
And as seeds are susceptible to being eaten by birds, frequent applications are needed to establish lush grass growth, which ensures more photo opportunities, and additional newspaper coverage to signal even greater virtue.
Heck, maybe Cindy and Lisa messed it up themselves for that very reason…
Amnesty Gave Russia a free pass for bombing ukraine, don’t you remember?
With the circle of violence In Israel there comes a point where you just don’t give a fuck anymore. Let trump turn it into Vegas for all I care.
Rich cunts having a whinge about the plebes on “their” grass
Cindy and Lisa Bios- Both made their money in Sydney and Melbourne. Then COVID hit and their useless tech jobs went work from home. They both thought… I can work from anywhere?! They both longed for sunshine and an ocean view. So did their cats. Burleighs new developments overlooking the point ticked all the boxes. So they paid well over asking and headed north. They are not interested in blending into the local scene but to make that scene their own. They love a good Chardonnay on the verandah overlooking the point. The locals can’t stand them.
epic intro, can’t wait for the series
BOX TICKERS
The Series
Episode 1: Cindy and Lisa’s Mud Pie Holiday
They’re mostly pissed off because the event was free.
You should only have the privilege of destroying a local park if it’s an event that you have to pay way too much money to attend, like a music festival.
Karen Parkinson
Please join Hamas. Please.
Anyone having a dig at the ABB can garn get fucked
I’m no landscape architect, but perhaps the social attraction to the venue and the practical aspects of its surfacing do not match.
Concrete or asphalt, painted green would be far more durable.
Just sayin’.
Get rid of that fuckin’ sand too. Shit gets every where.
And the water… faaaaark. Don’t get me started.
No worries CB. It’s presently being smashed by a strong swell that should be scouring what little sand was left away by whenever the waiting period for Bells is over.
Pretty big here too. Only about 4m swell so hardly worth gettiong out of bed for.
Either Rabin’s comments are next level parody aka Borat or he/she/them/it/sasha needs to seriously get a fucking life
Probably that egghead Slater
Probably both. And that we’re all here commenting about them suggests our lives aren’t much better. But at least we’re not living in what’s left of Gaza…?
Parody has to let you in on the joke. Otherwise it’s just annoying. I mean at least Ben Marcus had meltdowns.
“Ben Marcus Meltdown” needs to be a badge.. everyone say “I”..
Surely there is a dogshit dribbley right point out the back of Brunei.
The BBQ’d Orangutan Pro
Xox